Spoke to my Ex today and I just feel so completely heart broken...........

[ladyl]

Split up with bf around 4 weeks ago but want him back. Was doing quite well with the NC thing then I texted him on Friday asking to meet for a coffee this week. Didn't hear anything back then found out he was in Germany for the weekend. On Sunday night I had a missed call from his work number really late, so called back and no answer. So I got quite worried and texted him a couple of times saying had a missed call from you let me know you're okay. Again no response.

So I called him this morning and he answered the phone all happy and chirpy so I just said oh right you're fine then. And he was like yeah why wouldn't I be. So I said about the missed call etc and he was like oh I thought I had a blocked missed call from you that's why I phoned you. Then he said oh yeah I think I had a couple of texts from you. Then he came out with all this stuff about how I should look forward and he still cared about me and hoped we could be friends. So I just said oh right no worries and said bye.

I'm totally shocked at how cold he's being. I mean he knew I was worried and he completely ignored me. How much of a prick. Why would he do that? We were together for 9 months, clearly I just didn't mean much to him.

[Petit Papillon]

i don't think you're worried, i think it was the sparkle of hope that's inside you,telling you he wanted to call you and say that he still thinks of you and so on...he's right,you should move on, 4 weeks of nc is pretty long and should already let you look at it from a distance,but you don't allow yourself moving on,since you said you hope to be with him again... It's not his plan,now he's told you it clearly,this should be your closure...

[ladyl]

I was genuinely worried about him, as he tends to go on benders. And it was strange that he called me late on Sunday night from his work phone. I personally don't think 4 weeks is long especially when you have feelings for someone, and I spent alot of time with his son too etc, as he said not so long ago I was part of his life. But you're right I will move on. Now I just think he's really quite cold and generally a bit of a prick and I'm definitely better off without him, I guess that's what you call closure!

[ladyl]

Although I'm guessing that he probably phoned me on sunday night knowing I would call him back so he could ignore me. Quite pathetic really!

[BeStrong]

I think 'tends to go on benders' tells you all you need to know.

Move on and find someone worthy of you!

[JennaBella]

Whatever you do don't fall into the let's be friends trap!! It's a road to more confusion and heartache, trust me on this one!!!!! I've been there and have the tshirt on this subject unfortunately. I agree that 4 weeks is nothing and the best thing to do
IMO is to break contact with him all together for the forseeable future while you sort your own head out. He didn't jump for joy when you suggested meeting up so that's an alarm bell surely. Give him space, keep busy, give him time to miss you. If he doesn't, well at least you will have your answer but don't spend your life making it your priority to get him back. If he does come back, great, but if he doesn't you will at least have had a bit more time to get over him and may decide you don't want him back after all. I feel for you, I honestly do. It's the worst feeling ever feeling rejected and lonely. It's the pits and don't count on him being happy and chirpy for real. When I last spoke to my ex a dew days ago I was happy and chirpy and positive sounding but in truth inside I was just aching and crying inside. Good luck I hope you feel happier soon, it just takes time so don't expect an overnight miracle x

[OmnicronPercei8]

So what happens in the let's be friends trap? If you're still invested in them obviously it's no good as you're hoping they'll "come around", but if you have moved on and are no longer attracted to them and willing to have something purely platonic what's the worst that will happen?

[ladyl]

I spoke to him briefly on Monday then said I needed to go and he said oh don't be like that then he just said I don't know what to say so I said it's totally cool don't worry about it see you later and that was it. Then we had a bit of a text argument I called him a cold prick then I apologised later and he texted me saying it would really be good if we could be friends, I mean what does that actually mean?! A friend to me is someone you see and talk to regularly. Then I saw him at work today and he was all happy and chirpy, it was pretty ackward and I just felt like total shit but will def not be contacting him again, and I don't think I'll hear from him either but I stil see him at work at least once a week. He's on holiday next week which is good so I won't see him for a while. He seems to have completely moved on already and all the lets be friends shit was probably just to ease his guilt because he knows I want him back. I do feel pretty lonely and rejected but despite that I'm just going to try and put it behind me and move on. Don't think there is any point in wasting time hoping he'll come back.I'll feel alot better a month or so down the line when he's just another colleague and I can go back to saying hi or making small talk without feeling utterly crap!

[Cerby]

Split up with bf around 4 weeks ago but want him back.

First sentence of the thread says it all. You split up with him, he likely weighed out the pros/cons of the relationship in his healing process, came to a conclusion that the breakup was a good thing and hasn't looked back.

You dumped him, he moved on, you want him back, and he says no. As for being friends, you still have too many feelings, you can't be friends. He wants a casual friendship which means call when you have time, hang out once in a while, and get along. If my "friend" called me a "cold prick" in a text message, sure as sh*t they wouldn't be my friend anymore.

You need to do your own thing and "be friends" when you've leveled out, right now you're being emotional and showing it.

[ladyl]

Well I still don't think he would necessarily be thinking the break up was a good thing, but I think because I finished it and he's been hurt before he maybe just doesn't want to risk going there again. And clearly I did piss him about by finishing it then wanting him back but my marriage broke down and I've been hurt before too and I think I just pushed him away when we were getting really close. Yeah I am too emotional def need to sort my head out and get in control of my emotions again. Really can't do the friends thing at the moment but as I said I doubt I'll hear from him again anyway.

[pisces25]

Stay NC and let your emotions subside. I broke off with my BF on Saturday, had a really good day Sunday then Monday and Tuesday could not stop sobbing and so called him to say I didn't mean it, sorry, let's work things out etc. The next day I was back to wanting to break off with him. All of my decisions were being made whilst I was highly emotional. So I told him I need some time to think and now that the emotions have calmed down I can see clearly and realise he isn't the right guy for me. We have tried to work things out before but the same issues remain. I have learnt a very valuable lesson from this week and that is to never make decisions whilst emotionally vulnerable. It just hurts you and your partner even more as we are inclined to blurt things out that we are feeling at that moment which are not necessarily a true reflection of how we are truly feeling.

It is only with a clear mind can we make proper decisions.

As for the friends thing I don't mind being friends with my ex's. They are part of what has shaped me and there musta been a hell of a lot of things I liked about them to create a relationship with them. But this friendship can only happen months down the track when all romantic feelings have been removed.

Also don't ever assume to know what your ex is thinking or feeling. You will never know. People often need to put the bravado mask on after a break up but that is all it often is, a mask. And people move on in different ways. Just because your ex isn't saying he misses you or cares about you or regrets the situaton doesn't mean he isn't feeling it. It probably just means he accepts the relationship didn't work and sees no point in going back there. Particularly if you were the one that dumped him.

We were together for 9 months, clearly I just didn't mean much to him
As for this this is your own mind deluding you. How about turning this around to 'we were together for 9 months, clearly I must have meant a lot to him for him to spend time with me over 9 months. Fact is if he didn't care about your he woulda spent one month with you then moved on. Your ego is hurting as you are not getting what you want. Diminish the ego and these thoughts will dissipate.

[ladyl]

thanks pisces25 you're absolutely right. It's horrible when you feel over emotional you just can't think clearly and lash out or say things you don't mean. And Im over analyzing everything at the moment and reading things in to his actions. It makes it much harder working togethet but he is on holiday next week so I won't see him for at least 2 weeks. I know I can do the no contact thing I was doing well with it although I think I was hoping he would get in touch. I do think it's a bit niaive of him to think we can be friends at this stage though especially when he knows how I feel. However as I said I doubt I will hear from him again anyway and its probably more to do with the fact we work together. I know I need to just concentrate on myself but it's just hard to accept thats totally it. I know we're both still as attracted to eachother but that doesn't mean we should be together.

[pisces25]

I know it is hard I am going through the same thing. My partner and I love each other very much but our relationship isn't a healthy one and I honestly want to be on my own and happy rather than with someone that can't fulfill my needs. It will get better. Post on here when you feel like contacting him. There are loads of people in the same boat as us so you're not alone. Try to find at least one positive thing in each day. And when your mind wanders to him instantly think about something else. Or write it down. I can't stop thinking about all the beautiful things my ex did for me and when I do an overwhelming sadness comes over me but I take control of the thought and think about something else. Keeping the mind occupied is vital!

Also, this might sound a bit morbid but they say grief over a broken relationship is akin to that of losing a partner or family member through death. Therefore it sometimes helps me to actually think that the person has died and even if I did want to contact them I can't coz they aren't alive anymore and couldn't answer anyway. Like I said this is a bit extreme but if you can trick your mind into thinking they no longer exist it may make things easier.

Set yourself small goals for the day. And SMILE. It is the very last thing you feel like doing but just try it. Or try smiling at a stranger as they walk by. If anything you have made someone's day

Hang in there !!

[DannyH]

I think 'tends to go on benders' tells you all you need to know.

Move on and find someone worthy of you!

Actually my most recent break up the first couple months I went on a complete bender because I couldn't cope with the fact that I have lost somebody that I cared about so much. My other breakups where I really didn't care all that much I didn't go on a bender. and pisces is point with the advice

[ladyl]

Yeah I feel really emtional again today, can't stop crying or thinking about him. Guess I'm facing up to the fact that it's totally over and he isn't coming back and worse that it's all my fault.