Why are nices guys unlucky in love?

[IncognitoSir]

However, what if you're nice to everyone, simply because you enjoy being nice to everyone?

There's being nice, and there's being a pushover. People seem to think they are one in the same for some reason. Like, if you aren't a manly super macho tough loudmouth jock, you're a weak pathetic pushover. There's a middle-ground to be found.

The Good Guy - Strong and confident enough to be respectful and caring and man enough to go against the grain when necessary.

[LittleMel]

Very well said..

[Wakeup]

Here's an idea, don't try stupid shit?

You fail to comprehend that most of the crap that we pull is done sub-concsiously. Learn to say NO when it's in your own best interests.

The Good Guy - Strong and confident enough to be respectful and caring and man enough to go against the grain when necessary.

indeed.

[Mathias]

im like that too man..

No, you're not. You're insecure.

They are two completely separate things, and too many people that consider themselves "nice" are really just covering up insecurity.

[Mathias]

I love nice guys but only guys who are nice selectively. If you are going to be nice to ALL girls, I won't feel special. In fact, if makes me very angry when a guy who I am interested in, is going to cater to every girl around him.

This seems to be more of a problem with you than nice guys. Why the need to be the only one someone is nice to?

That's pretty crappy for everyone else, don't you think?

[ctr916]

I love nice guys but only guys who are nice selectively. If you are going to be nice to ALL girls, I won't feel special. In fact, if makes me very angry when a guy who I am interested in, is going to cater to every girl around him.

How else can a guy pander to his "constituency"?

[UnknownXV]

You fail to comprehend that most of the crap that we pull is done sub-concsiously. Learn to say NO when it's in your own best interests.

indeed.

You realize it after the fact though, right? So can't you learn from that? I don't know, I can get a bit annoyed when girls say stuff just to test us. For the record, I do say no when it's in my best interests. I'm a fairly nice guy even so. I mean, you don't see guys saying stuff to test the femininity of a girl do you?

[MaidenMinx]

This seems to be more of a problem with you than nice guys. Why the need to be the only one someone is nice to?

That's pretty crappy for everyone else, don't you think?

She said selectively. And I agree. I love seeing may mango out of his way to open a door for an elderly person or a mother with a pram. I don't like the idea of him opening the door for every pretty lady he sees.

[smartguy]

dont assume yourself as unlucky...god might still looking good pair for you with the same character as you are?.....sure you will get good girl but patience is important.....

[DannyH]

It seems most guys who aren't up to par a man use the word nice as a cop out to other crap. Like opening the door for everybody isn't being nice it an invitation to being walked all over. Holding the door for the person behind you is being nice. Doing everything a women says isn't being nice. I bet when women talk to you about doing something they stay stuff like. We are doing.... fill in crappy thing you don't want to do here. Instead of you know asking.
That's a problem I see all the time.
Women says "Get ready we are going to the movies tonight"
"Nice" guy response. Yes.
My normal response. No.
Why would I say no to going to a movie? That's just retarded. She didn't ask me she told me. Sorry the last time somebody told me what to do is when I was a child.
That is a huge problem for "Nice" guys getting told what to do and have no balls to change that.

[UnknownXV]

If a girl invited me to the movies, I'd ask what movie she wanted to see. If we could agree on a movie we both liked, why the hell would I say no?

Lol.

Saying you'll do something with her that you hate, well.. on occassion, sure; but only because it's a two way street. She should too. Try new things both people perhaps aren't huge fans of but just for the other person.

[oldskool83]

i dont think being told hey we are gonna go do this or that means nice guy lol. i think its more, asking a woman stuff all time and doing things for her all time. not voicing your concern for anything i think has alot to do with it.

Guy always asking you want me to do this or that, let me get that for ya, can we have this or do that.

nice is always trying above and byond all the time, its like here if i do this this and this she will think im nice and like or love me. someson gonna like you for the way they 1st saw ya. flowers all the time, calling all the time, running after her all the time id prob get tired of the nice stuff afterawhile also.

exaple female friend called me 4th of july and said what are you doing, i said nothing. next she said im in one of them moods and want dinner your going with me...i went, enjoyed my free meal, free beer and free ride there. i said thanks and that was night....few hours later she saying she misses hangin with me and i know the real reason.

**** it, dont be nice, do for you and no one else unless your in love with them but dont over do it, thats the real problem of nice, over doing it

[DannyH]

Being told we are going to the movies and being asked want to go to the movies are two different things. A lot of nice guys get told and assume she was asking/inviting. Trying new things and doing stuff your women wants isn't bad.
Not having the balls to stand up against being told what to do is. People miss that small point

We are going to the movies. you agree to this your a wuss plain and simple
Let's go to the movies. you agree to this well you want to see a movie

It's one stupid thing "nice" guys fall for in their whole list of being nutless.

[DannyH]

Really at the end of the day "nice" guys treat women like their mother. Asking women basically for permission to do stuff. Asking what they want to do. Trying to get a women's approval on stuff. Getting told what to do.

[bulrush]

I wonder perhaps if you are too nice, sounds silly really that, but sometimes' too nice' is 'too much' all the time, like say if you say 'yes to where ever a girlfriend might want to go, or say yes to a night in, or yes to how she looks, etc etc, maybe some girls feel that after a while it gets a bit too much, they want someone to take the lead, or someone who they can feel protected by, just in general a man being the man..
But you sound a really caring and giving person, although only a small message, but it does come across to me that you are confused and lonely too, don't change too much, just take the lead now and again, try it and see.

As a fellow nice guy, I have to agree. I have become more assertive, or decisive, lately. It seems, I may be wrong, that many women find being liberated is not a great fit for their personality, and are happy to let the man make more decisions.

If I ask a woman where she wants to go on a date, and she says "I don't know" that means I decide. She doesn't get to change her mind. On a first date I say "We are going to restaurant X for dinner. " It's not a question, it's a statement. That's my personality. If she has a problem with it, she must speak up. And some have spoken up, mostly only to ask if they can get a salad there.

In the sex department, it's all ok unless she says "no". So it's not "Want to go to the bedroom?" It's "You won't be needing these pants." They seem to like it anyway. And sometimes I get more playful and say "Clothes. Off. Now." lol.

And if we are not compatible in the bedroom, then I don't try to change them, I move on.

EDIT: Don't get me wrong just from the above post. I really am a nice guy and many women have told me so. But I do have my playful and assertive sides. And you might be surprised what turns on some women. I know I was. And a lot of them really do like assertive men. I get the door for them, I help carry groceries, no questions asked. I help with dinner, set the table, fix things in their apartment, etc. We work together as a team.