Am I right to be hurt?

[keine_Engel]

First off, I am very sensitive person and get hurt easily...

I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, I'm 18, he just turned 20. We love eachother to death and get along great... but I am easily hurt by small things.

We're both studying and now I have 2 weeks off from school (I'm in the 1st week off), while he's still in classes. I stayed over at his house for Sunday and came home Monday. On Tuesdays, he has 3 hours without classes, for lunch and he usually doesn't have company on one of those hours. I told him I could meet him at school and spend those 3 hours with him, as I once did. He told me he didn't know if I should go, because he has Wednesday afternoon off and we'd have more time together if I met him Wednesday instead of Tuesday. I told him to think about it and then let me know, remembering we could be together both Tuesday and Wednesday.

On Monday night, we were on MSN and... he totally forgot about telling me to meet him or not. Later, I sent him an SMS telling him we hadn't planned anything, so, I'd be at home. He was off school by 15.30, he could have met, but he went home.

So, we were supposed to meet Wednesday (today) afternoon, but he forgot he had told a friend he'd go with him to check an amplifier He was going with his friend and meet me later (so much for the being with me more time on Wednesday). However, he felt sick during the night and ended up not leaving home.(I understand the fact that he didn't meet me because he was sick).

I like to talk with him once a day, so, one hour ago, I sent him an SMS asking if he would be on MSN later on or if I should call him. He replied 10 minutes ago, saying he was off to bed and that we'd talk tomorrow (it's 1 AM here). The thing is... he also has tomorrow afternoon off and didn't even mention seeing me. I replied saying that I also wanted to talk to him know if we would see eachother tomorrow, but that I had figured out we wouldn't.

What hurts me the most is that he is acting as if he doesn't care if he seems me or not. I know he enjoys being with me... another thing bothering me is that, when I'm in classes, we can only see eachother, at most, 2 times a week. He told me that, when I had this break, I'd stay for a week at his place (although I didn't accept it because don't want to feel like a burden to his family), to compensate for the times we were together 2 times a week and now, he doesn't even seem to care...=(

Do you think I am overreacting or would you feel the same way?

[yoshikuni]

Maybe a little of both...Relationships can still survive on only seeing each other a couple of days a week. And, as they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maybe he's just having a bad week. The best thing I can recommend, since you two have been together for two years, is that you come right out and tell him what's bothering you. It can't be as bad as you imagine. You've been off school, but he still has his hands full with studies, and maybe he's been stressed. He was sick there for a while. Don't get upset until you hear both sides of the story...

[schueys_girl]

Mate, you sound a lot like me! I used to think like this...because my boyfriend and i spent every night together and his two days off work together for ages, even if we just ended up sitting there all the time bored, just watching tv.

After a while he said one sunday morning after we woke up ' is it ok if you go in a bit cos i want some time to myself' a completely reasonable statement to me now, but i completely overreacted and took it the wrong way.

All sorts of things went through my mind 'hes cheating on me going to see another girl' 'hes gone off me and is going to dump me' All crazy ass things like that. My boyfriend just calmed me down, told me he loved me and that he isnt going anywhere. He just wanted some time to wash his car and have a chat with his parents, maybe pop round his mates and just generally chill.

He said he would pick me up later that night at 8 and we would go out. I went home and worried he wouldnt come back for me at 8. I look back now and laugh i compeltely freaked out. And at 8? he turned up on the dot more than happy to see me and we had a great night. And i learnt slowly but surely time apart is fine, and i needed and wanted it too, i was just too afriad to say.

This week we spent last night and the night before apart. I stayed in and did uni work on tuesday, and went out with friends last night. I told myself not to worry because i needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. My worries are that he will just leave me and not come back (i know he would never cheat on me, he would just leave). I said i should give him the benefit of the doubt because he deserves it and i love and trust him.

So tuesday night i was getting into bed at 11.30pm and my mobile rang. And it was my boyfriend telling me hed been the pub and had a good night with his friends but that he had missed me and how lucky he was to have such a great girlfriend. How much he loved me and How he loved that he could be independent and go out with his friends and also have such a great relationship with me. I went to bed that night with a HUUUGE smile on my face.

The next day i didnt worry at all. He rang me as usual when he got in from work and said he was looking forward to seeing me thursday night. I was getting ready to go out at 7pm to my mates and he turned up one my doorstep. Said he just popped by to tell me he loved me and he was proud of me because he knows it is hard for me because i am a 'worryer' gave me the most amazing kiss and off he went.

And i went to my mates and had a great time. Got home, got into bed and sure enough he rang my mobile. Said he rang to say good night, he loved me and couldnt wait to see me 2moro.

Now apologies for the esaay im just trying to get my point across because if i can get through this then so can you. I can tell you i feel a lot better about us and the relationship being able to have this time apart and still feel secure and loved than just being at his house and with him 24/7 for the sake of it.

You do not need to see him all the time, he needs his time with friends and time on his own to do 'boy' stuff, just as you should see your friends and do your own stuff. Honestly i really did used to worry like you. I expected him to spend all his free time with me, which isnt the case at all.

You dont want him to end up feeling like he HAS to see you all the time. Remember he needs to CHOSE to see you for the relationship to continue, otherwise he will start to resent you taking over his whole life.

If he says he wants to do his own thing, even tho it mite hurt you for a while at first just remember this and smile and say 'ok babe, have a nice time and give me a call 2moro'. Its hard to do, but you need to let him do it, you'll find it gets easier and you'll enjoy yourself with your friends too. You'll also find your relationship will improve too. Its so much nicer having them ring you spur of the moment and telling you how much they love you, or turning up unexpected saying they missed you rather than you saying 'call me at 5' and seeing him every night at 7pm.

Remember its his CHOICE to be with you and his CHOICE to see you. if you take away his options and choices and freedom, he'll end up having no life. Whether it takes a few months or years and years before he starts to resent you, it will happen....

if you need anymore advice then just email me or PM me...and sorry that this was really long and a load of waffle, i just really felt compelled to tell you everything so you realise you are not alone

[keine_Engel]

First of all, thank you =)

After I posted this, he came online because he couldn't sleep and told me he wanted to see me today afternoon. As we were together today, I flat out asked him if he really forgot to tell me about seeing him Tuesday or if he prefered to stay with his friends but was afraid to say it to me. He said he had thought and prefered to stay with his friends, but forgot to talk with me about that (I believe him, he's the type that sometimes has his head on the Moon lol). I also told him he should never be afraid of telling me he wants to see his friends, but that I needed to know if we'd see eachother or not, in order for me to "organize" the following day.

schueys_girl, I really liked reading your post, as I relate to a few things... As much as I want to be with him, I respect the fact that he wants to be with his friends or be left alone sometimes. It may bother me, but I usually don't say anything because I know it is stupid to feel that way (actually, this is also why I made the first post, because I thought it was stupid to be this possessive). Also, there was a ping-pong game going on in my head, because I have always been the type that bottles everything up and he has asked me to tell him right away if there was something bothering me, instead of keeping everything to myself; I was divided into telling him how I felt and the fact that I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way.

But anyway, I am glad to see I am not the only one out there who gets "insecure" about this kind of stuff =)

[schueys_girl]

Glad i helped I say the same thing to my boyfriend, so im able to 'organise' things with mates before hand. My bf usually just tells me to arrange stuff whenever i want and he'll just do whatever, cos his lad mates are usualy at the same local pub or round someones house watching a dvd every night, its a lot harder for me to organise the different sets of friends i have!
It really does help to know you have these problems too, because your right, they are silly things to worry about, its just learning not to worry and panic and then things will be fine. Its important that you are both able to have your own space to escape to, even when your married etc
Take care mate -x-