He's twice my age, I need advice please? :/

[vashti]

It's also time for her to understand that men will act like men, and if one doesn't like it, they shouldn't put themselves in a position to have to deal with it. You can't expect a snake to act like a kitty cat.

[Wakeup]

You can't expect her to keep running away either. Woman shouldn't have to tolerate men to be disrespectful either and enabling them to be a snake by running away is no answer. Expect to be pursued is one thing. *Allowing them to slither by running away to be a snake to others is quite another... Least that's the way I look at it.

Op has been accepting shit from too many men. Time she stopped expecting anything other than respect from them.

It's also time for her to understand that men will act like men,

Decent men know when to take no for an answer. It's not like they're all the same. This particular entitlement prince needs to learn when to take a hint.

[vashti]

Do you seriously think a man in his 40s is interested in living with a 20-something year old girl platonically? lol

I'd say his behavior was easily predictable.

In an ideal world, you'd be right, of course, but I prefer to look at things realistically.

[Wakeup]

Realistically in your mind.

I prefer to look at things in a more suitable remedy to the Opening Poster at hand. She can't afford to move. She can be persistant and he will eventually back away. If she gives him mixed signals then he will not.

Peace.. we don't agree, so be it.

[candylion]

Maybe it's fear of commitment because you like being single and able to do whom ever without being tied down. If you get with someone who is already committed then you don't have to be tied down. Unfortunately with that scenario, you let yourself become vulnerable because you feel safe not having to commit. It's a viscious circle that always leaves you unsatisfied, angst ridden and alone on special occassions because your object of desire is with his primary partner for those things.

That seems really spot-on. Not having to commit feels "safe" and lulls one into a false sense of security. How completely strange.

[candylion]

I have told him very bluntly that I don't want to be in a relationship with him. Now he is really, really depressed because he turned down this really great woman because he was so into me. She was beautiful, active, smart, and strong, all the things he looked for in a woman. But She was a couple of years older than him, which scared him off. Now he's really kicking himself, and flailing around because he NEEDS to be in a relationship. Real attractive, right? He's gotten to the point of lazing around, all depressed, waiting for me to comfort him. I have reminded him that he has lots of great things in his life, security and money included (which I don't have), and there are always more women to meet. He's basically acting like a baby and I've have to get more and more harsh, telling him that he won't attract the kind of woman he wants with this attitude.

[Wakeup]

Candy: it's not your responsibility or your job to be a nurtuing influence to this 40 year old baby that you live with. Ignore him, don't even bother giving him advice. Just carry on as you would if he was your older brother who needs to grow up and who needs to do that without your help. If he's not getting your attention then it's likely he'll snap out of it on his own. If he doesn't, then you can't fix him and I'd suggest he go see a councelor to help him get through his disappointment.

[devonbrown]

candylion - if he is depressed because he thinks he chose unwisely, that is not your fault. Nor is it your responsibility.

I would look into seeing if there are any roommate-matching services in your area. They may help connect you with people who you can room with and be able to afford it.

And as for the other guy... yeah, he was cheating. Sorry you didn't see that sooner.

Good luck.