No Contact Rule Help!!!!!!!

[kevin_1988_smit]

My girlfriend of a little over five years and I broke up a month ago. We went the first month texting and emailing a lot and did not really miss each other because of it. She started dating another guy a few weeks ago, nothing serious just light fun and I honestly believe her when she told me that. I see it as seriously the "is my ex the one" card that she is playing. She is almost seeing if I am the one by seeing what else is out there; crazy I know but common I hear.

I finally emailed her a very heart felt email a week ago that I accepted the breakup and have decided not to be her fall back guy and that I am moving on and stopping the constant contact. It took her three days to text me saying she misses me and still loves me. My goal is to get her back, but I want her to come back on her own that way it will be for good and not me dragging her kicking and screaming. Honestly if we get back together we will get married. I have not given a lot of relationship specifics but trust me that is the case.

Do you guys think I should respond to her text about missing me and loving me even though it has not been a long time or should I keep the no contact rule going? It seems to be working... I do not want to play games because I want to marry this girl. She is 24 and recently graduated college and I will graduate next spring. I am in this for the long run and it looks like she might be too once she realizes it; she may realize she is better off without me and that is ok too because she will be happy and the relationship would not have worked out anyways.

Do I keep no contact going and make her miss me more or do I respond, break no contact, and speak with her light heartedly?

[DarkHelmet82]

please dont double post.. its like double dipping your carrot in the sauce.. no good bro..

As for the question... shes on a rebound.. probably wont last.. you can be lighthearted.. but I wouldnt hold onto anything.. just do what you gotta do... except no double dipping!

[krifle]

Don't respond

[Cerby]

Don't respond

yea, just leave it for a while, the letter you wrote outlined what you want and how you feel. She can re-read it at any time. If you respond right away, it validates that she can date someone else and still have you there.

The fact she texted you that AND is dating someone else also confirms 100% this is a rebound, so that poor guy is going to get hurt too.

[senokotmax]

Ignore. Let her figure out what SHE wants. If she comes back for the wrong reasons you will end up getting divorced and heartbroken! What is best for you is for her to be clear in her mind that it is you that she wants. She's not had the time to figure that out yet.

May I ask how/why you broke up and who did it?

[kevin_1988_smit]

Honestly we broke up because things had just become too routine. She didn't feel that "head over heels" kind of love anymore like she used to feel. She initiated the break but I also understand/told her that a breakup would be a good idea. We had never broken up and I think she might just be afraid to make the decision if I am the one or not which I understand. We both love each other tremendously and we are what our friends call "perfect to each other and for each other." She needed time to find herself and to find out of I am the one. It makes me mad that she started dating that fast because it will not let her find herself as easy. It is obviously a rebound...

That is pretty much how things ended...After I wrote her my email about leaving with no contact and not being her fall back guy she responded by saying that she will always love me and wants the door to be open for us to get back together. I am doing my best to give her space and I have now gone four days without talking to her.

Should I keep up hope and allow her to realize that, through her rebound, I am the one for her?

[senokotmax]

It's tricky - I'm at the wrong side of a five year relationship myself at the moment and a similar end came to our relationship.

I live in hope that she will come back to me (and for the right reasons). If she starts sleeping with other guys though I will slam the door completely closed on her. I've not been strong enough to stay NC for any length of time so I am no expert on this... I wish I had the resolve to do that but I keep clinging on.

I've been told that if it was meant to be then the "routine" feeling and the passing of time should not be a factor - if it was true love it would breeze past and you would happily grow old together. In our relationship I had a constant doubt that I shouldn't be settling down with my first girlfriend and it destroyed us, probably beyond repair.

If she has those doubts now and has one sh*t rebound, but later on in life finds another guy who she might be better suited to, do you think you could honestly trust her again not to stray?

[OmnicronPercei8]

Its a hard call. When my ex first broke with me, I called my closest friends who are female to get the woman's perspective. A couple of them suggested to me that she was not so much "testing" my love but trying to find out if I was willing to fight for her. I tried to fight for her and for about a week it seemed like she was very much giving it consideration and when I got a little better established in life (new job, no school) maybe we could see if it worked down the road. And over the weekend of no contact though, she had a change of heart and she pushed me away and nothing else I could say or do made any more difference. I wanted to remind her of all the good times and not the bad crap that we had to work through but at the same time like you said, I didn't want to take her back kicking and screaming. Now she's in a happy relationship with someone new and it isn't just "fun" like you've said. I don't know if going NC would have changed anything or not, but I do know that at the very LEAST I'll never regret the things I said to try to get her back to me.

I guess what advice I'm trying to tell you is (and please take it with a grain of salt because I didn't know what the F*#* I was doing my world crashed) if you truly love her and don't want to regret losing "the one" for the rest of your life you should probably tell her your feelings that you want her back. Did you say that in the letter and I didn't catch that? Or did you basically just say you were moving on. What you don't want for sure is her to really connect with this new person and leave your faded memory behind.

I'm sure I'm wrong though lol

[repairheaven]

Keep the no contact rule. I went through this and in only lasted three months max before she went after me crying and suicidal mode because she "figured out there was no one else out there like me." We're currently together.

If she truly loves you she will come back to you!! Meanwhile, try to keep your mind off of the relationship. Take a break yourself.

[Warhawk]

I say keep NC, but I know it is hard to do. If you do decide to talk to her, make sure you are brief and blunt. In the long run, it will help you move on and make her realize what she is missing.

[kevin_1988_smit]

Should I be worried that she is in a "rebound?" It is obviously Grass is Greener and a Rebound but it still sucks. I know it's a hard call but it seems like everyone is telling me not to worry and that she may come back in the near future; at least realize she messed up. I can wrap my head around her going through all this crap and I would be willing to forgive her for everything if she was truly sorry and ready to move on down the road. I know most Grass is Greener and rebounds end poorly since she was never over me to begin with and never gave herself time to cope. She is in the denial stage of coping and when she moves on her new relationship will get hit hard. Does that sound logical or am I doing too much wishful thinking?

[DarkHelmet82]

not all rebounds fail, and sometimes there are rebounds after rebounds.

[kevin_1988_smit]

Well just found out she is sleeping with him....she can f**k off. That made things a lot easier for me actually.

[senokotmax]

Chin up bro.

[McRich01]

Well just found out she is sleeping with him....she can f**k off. That made things a lot easier for me actually.

Found out mine had decided getting into bed with someone shes known for a few weeks 2 weeks after our break up was a good idea.

It certainly makes moving on alot more easier mate.