shes got a boyfriend?

[doc]

So I started mildly flirting with this girl that is quite younger (and drop dead gorgeous) than I am at work. We seemed to hit it off quite well and I got the feeling from her body lang, eyes, and random comments that she was interested. We seem to share alot in common as well and I really enjoyed this as it hasnt happened to me that often. I tend to not jump on simple gut feelings but Im pretty confident that she had interest.

So feeling pretty sure of myself, I called her up and asked her out. She reveals to me that she is seeing someone at the moment but would not turn me down if she were single. She also reveals that she really isnt the type of girl that sees multiple guys at once. She was nothing less than cordial and sweet, but I have to say that Im a bit confused... She did admit that she typically does not go around advertising that she is dating someone. Something i can understand.

The part where I am confused is that after she tells me that she isnt available, she proceeds to plan a lunch date with me for next week. She texted me some time after the call to verify that she was indeed serious about our "friendly" lunch date.

Seeing that we have to work with each other every so often, I dont see any other recourse that to continue on. What the hell am I doing? Should I just feel this out a little more? March forward to the friend zone? Cont flirting? WTF?

[surfhb]

Perfect! Yeah....this girl likes you or she woudln't be asking you out. ....continue on with what youre doing . You might also consider pulling back a little after your date to maybe gain her interest...might work, who knows. Its all a stupid game so play well and fair!!

I'd keep the attitude that you have plenty other girls you can be with (which you should) and if this girl makes a U turn with you.....a major Plus!!! Good luck!

[doc]

Thats good to hear! I felt this way too, but Im wary of the friend zone. Guess the only way to combat this is to do as you said above (other girls, flirting/pulling back, confidence, etc etc). Alot of stuff is playing to my advantage so hopefully it'll work out. Thanks again.

[bulrush]

Lol! This girl is dating someone but wants to see if you are better than her current bf. If she likes you more, she will drop her bf and date you instead. Confusing, yes, but I do think that is what she's doing. IMO, this is not a romantic lunch date, she just wants to get to know you to see if she should drop her current bf.

Another way to look at it is, if she dates you, will she be having "lunch dates" with other guys to see if they are better than you? I think what she is doing is underhanded. Either she likes her current bf and is committed to him, or she isn't committed to him.

[doc]

lunch date = 2 hours. the more im with her the more i like her. wow! feels really really good to be with someone that is so similar to me and so freaking gorgeous.....never thought that it cud actually exist. hope this develops...BTW still wary of the friend zone crap, less so though

[smackie9]

Yes if she is not married she is fair game to anyone, but don't expect her to give you a committed relationship....she will always be trolling for better.

[Gratedwasabi]

Yes if she is not married she is fair game to anyone, but don't expect her to give you a committed relationship....she will always be trolling for better.

This.

You might be better (or just newer) than her current boyfriend but if you get with her she will always consider an upgrade (or a cure to her boredom with you.)

Be wary.

[cem]

To be honest.

Just approach her as a friend at the moment.
If she is still interested in going on the date with you she is letting you know
she is interested but has a boundary thats holding her back.
I mean she did open up and tell you she is seen someone.
Who knows maybe thats just her way to test you or just wants to start off as a friend
with you and see how that goes.

But she did open up and she did give you the yellow light..so take it and go on the date.

[doc]

Thanks everyone for the input!

Last week, I initiated text communications on a couple of occasions and she did once as well and I asked her out for a drink sometime and she did accept but we never made plans. Will see her again later this week at work. Hopefully I can bring up the drinks thing again without appearing too desperate.

Shes been with the current bf for some years now and has expressed some dissatisfaction with the relationship. Someone mentioned a boundary. I too feel that boundary. Not sure how to approach that. I cannot be sure if she is going along with everything because she just doesn't wanna be mean, or if she just naive, or if she is truly interested in me and going along with it.

MY gut still believes that she is interested. Particularly after the looks and feel of our "friendly" lunch date.

She really is something else. Never WANTED to simply take someone out on a date like I want to with this girl. Going on dates always seemed like an uncomfortable formality, but now Im salivating at to opportunity to take this girl out to a fine restaurant and chat till they close it down. I so dont wanna F this up....

[Wakeup]

That this girl is currently in a relationship.

You've put her on some kind of pedestal and cherish the ground she walks on. Don't you think you're being a little pre-mature with your anticipation and feelings when she is bound to another and even if she leaves him for you, she'll be in a rebound situation (google "rebound relationship") and educate yourself about being unfortunate enough to be caught in the situation as the role of the human bandaid.

I ask you (as I've asked so many men in this forum lately who don't seem to care about helping girls to cheat) How would you feel if you do steal her away from her current boyfriend and she turns around and because she has no personal or relationship boundaries, she allows the next guy on the assembly line at work steal her away from you?

You're just looking for trouble. Karma and all, ya know? She doesn't sound like she cares who she hurts why would she care about you. Is your ego so large that you think you can be the one that she suddenly becomes integral and monogamous for?

[doc]

Wow.

I never really put her on a pedestal. Just because I think she is someone that I would really like to take out and spend more quality time with does NOT mean I worship her like a god. Not wanting to appear too desperate is me simply being cautious. I think you have the wrong impression which is understandable as this is an internet forum and not a face to face thing.

Its interesting that you bring this up. I was in a 8 year relationship that included 4 years of marriage. It was not domestic bliss but we stuck it out as long as anybody ever would. We eventually separated and I made it clear that sleeping with other people would be a deal breaker for me. She cheated very quickly and I ended the marriage (no kids). She is still with the dude she cheated on me with and has since married him and had his child. A perfect and personal account that refutes your argument.

Plainly said nobody can ever say "it'll never work" or "your just some dude on the assembly line" just as nobody can say "your headed for relationship bliss!".

Im not looking for an answer to any of those questions. I know the answers to those questions and if I get hurt then it will be my fault. I wont be blaming anyone but myself. Im on this forum for guidance on other issues.

[Wakeup]

Wowzer: You've already been cheated on once and you'd consider a girl that would cheat on her boyfriend? You really know how to pick-um.

I get hurt then it will be my fault.

Well, we certainly agree on that point.

The end.

[smackie9]

She is having an emotional affair with you....going out for drinks, etc is dating, which means she is cheating on her BF. She probably thinks since there is no sex then it should be OK. That's all you do for her is fulfilling her emotional needs which is lacking in her relationship.....she is using you. Saying things like she would want you if she was single is the hook to lure you in. All I can say this not the way to get into a relationship with someone. Just my two cents.

[doc]

I agree that this isnt the traditional or accepted way to get involved with someone. What I dont understand is why do you hear of and see relationships (in real life, not the movies) that started on grounds like these and flourish. However, the pop-psych analysis shuns and condemns it and sentences you to an impending relationship failure. There's a disconnect for sure. Clearly im not alone on this...

Wakup: Be respectful enough to not ridicule a painful chapter in my past in order to hammer your point home. I hear what you said in your previous post. You and Smackie are bringing up valid points. I appreciate them. No need to be an ass.

[smackie9]

Hey dude I have been in your shoes. They tell you they are not single but their relationship is not idea...same old same old. You "meet up" for drinks, have flirty chats, you feel there is hope. You meet up again, you walk along the beach, hold hands, they say more hopeful things to you, make promises. I waited, and one day he shows up at my work to tell me that he has decided to stay with his GF. I got burned.......