He is chasing after me!!!

[Flower77]

Hello Everyone,

I'm a 34 year old woman. I have met someone on my work. He was fliritng with me and hanging around me, but he did not have any impact on me. I was a bit cautious, because I did nog know his backbround. He could me married, have a serious relationship.. I thought I had to protect myself. During an external meeting, he told the external relationship tabut his motheer in love and suddenly let me see a picture of his girlfriend. Now I was quite sure that he was just a bit playing around.
But then he continued and just went on flirting. Once he came to me and even talked about a marriage of him with me. He kept chasing after me. This took almost 1 1/2 year. I started believing him ans even liked him or perhaps fal in love. Then suddenly he changed 360degrees. He is not talking to me anymore, he is quite rude and he is just chasing after a cloogeuq of me in fonrt of me. This really hurt me and I'm terribly angry. I just do not know how to cope with this situation. Because I see him every morning at my work with the female collegue.

Firts af all I will try to understand this?? What king of male psychology is this? And secondyl what is the best trategy to cope with this situation.

With love, Flower77

[smackie9]

Some people just like to flirt and goof around at work to make the day go by easier but also it can get out of hand. He was just flirting for fun, and you mistook it as a serious romantic interest. You didn't see it for what it really was...so it falls on you being naive.

What you should have done was reported him to your supervisor or your human resources rep, and placed a complaint of sexual harassment. You see now that this behaviour is not appropriate for the workplace and that it can cause all kinds of problems. All of this could have been avoided if you had put him in his place right from the start, rather than ignoring him and letting him continue.

I warn everyone that work is not the place to seek out romantic partners. When things go bad it can create a hostile workplace and it can hurt your work performance, some even get fired from their job because of it. It's just not worth it.

You are best to focus on your job and be the best employee you can be. When you get home treat yourself to things that make you happy, like going out with a good friend and meeting new people. Increase your social circle or find new things to do in your spare time. Take the loneliness out of your personal life so you don't depend on where you work for relationships.

[Jolicoeur]

Firts af all I will try to understand this?? What king of male psychology is this?

At first I thought this guy was simply looking for sex. But I don't understand why he dropped you all of the sudden. Did you show you grew interested in him? Or could he possibly just have given up?

If you did show interest, how long after that did he become rude? Maybe this guys just wants to prove to himself he could get any woman, but is not really interested in cheating on his partner.

And secondyl what is the best trategy to cope with this situation.

My observer's point of view would tell you to stay away from this guy. If he's not a nut case, he's certainly not great relationship material. If this guys cheats on his current girlfriend, he'll certainly cheat on you too. But if you're in love, I know how it can hurt. Focus on his negative points and tell yourself over and over how bad he would be to you. Talking to people about it (on a forum or in real life) will help you come to terms with it too. All the best to you...

Could you tell me something please? I really want to know this. How come you started to like him and perhaps even fell in love with him? Was the fact that he kept chasing you for so long enough for you to submit?

And another thing, I'm sure if you read your post just once before you submitted it, you would find and correct 90% of the spelling mistakes. I don't mean to offend you. I'm sure your english is far better than you make us believe, and it would make it a lot easier for us to read your post.

[Flower77]

He was spending time with me, explaining things I do not understand, he was very positive to me, he asked me to accompany him with external meetings.
He was very surprising. One day he was positive and spending time with me, the next day he was ignoring me, acting very cold. He was around me all the time. He asked my phone number, he asked whether I had a boyfriend or a husband. He asked me to wait for him. The fact the was trying so hard made me believe that he was serious.
Then suddenly he changed, he is acting very negative and offending. Then he switched again and 'rebuilded the contact'. Then again he started ignoring me and is spending all his time with a colleague. The most disturbing thing is, that he is fliriting in front of me and at a place I can hear and see them.
This caused that I submitted. The fact that he is flirting with a colleague in front of me, made me really desperate. Could it be that he has just learned some kind of technique to influence?

[Jolicoeur]

This caused that I submitted. The fact that he is flirting with a colleague in front of me, made me really desperate. Could it be that he has just learned some kind of technique to influence?

This sounds text book pick-up artistry.

There are a whole bunch of books out that teach how to make girls feel attraction to a guy. I've read a few but I don't like the techniques. I don't like the idea to manipulate someone, even though I wish I could make one particular girl, that I absolutely adore, fall in love with me.

However, I am baffled to see that it worked on you. I think indeed you are being played.

Tell me one more thing, please. Did you have not the least attraction for this guy? Is this guy good-looking?

(Oh, and congrats on the spelling. Great job! )

[JfnL]

It seems he just thought you were not interested and just moved onto someone else, he seems to just be a pig and a waste of your time, I think the best way to cope with him is to either tell your boss about him being innapropriote in the work place or contact his girlfriend and let her know what a pig her boyfriend is or better yet both, people like this have to learn that they are only hurting people and should be punished for doing such.

[Flower77]

He is definitely not Brad Pitt. He looks quite average. In the beginning I found his behaviour very irritating and this made him even look less than average.I did not feel any attraction because of his appearance. I started feeling attracting when I thought I was knowing him better. I thought that he was a serious person, good person with a good intention.

Regards, Flower

[smackie9]

Being attracted to a coworker that you thought nothing of before is a common phenomenon, it happens to everyone. You see each other everyday, work together, socialize, develop a bond and before you know it you find yourself attracted to them. If you work at distancing yourself from them, you will later ask yourself "What the hell did I see in them?"