As a man, would you disappear like this? I should have seen this sign...

[Juanny30]

Hi all,

I know some of you have read my threats and have an idea that I met a guy online and we went out for 4 dates, etc...I had issues about being secure about myself...etc...anyway, he ended up disappearing from my life and it was a lesson for me in many aspects...well today doing all this thinking about what happened...I realized that there was one situation that happened with this guy that because it was so hard to believe I tried to remove it from my reality and belive his lies...

Here is what happened.

We went to have dinner, we walked on the beach and we ended up at a club on the beach. We were dancing but we also went to the bar to get some drinks, so we met a gay couple and we started talking to them, one guy was talking to me, the other was talking to him...anyway, other people started talking to him and when I realized there was a girl talking to him...I finished talking to other people and he was still talking to her...she was all smiling and talking to him and he was into her conversation, he wouldnt look at me at all so I felt so bad and I decided to leave that area of the club...I felt awkward and while I was drinking my glass of wine and watching other people dancing...I was trying to think how I was going to handle this situation, it was our second date and what if he wanted to hook up with this girl, etc so while I had those thoughts in my head, he came to me and huged me, then he took me to the stage and we were dancing and having a great time...he was drinking too...okay, well at some point, I decided to go to the bathroom but this place is big and I could not find the bathroom, It took me a while and then when I found it I felt the alcohol on me bad so I had a hard time finding the part of the club where we were dancing...I went back and nothing...I looked for him for one hour and he dissapeared...it was so incredible like okay, he must be somewhere, I do not think he would just dissapear..well, if you are reading...seat...he was gone, could not find him, they close the place and he was nowhere...I called him and he did not answer the phone...I left like 3 different voice messages... and nothing...my car was 4 miles away from this place as we decided to drive from the restaurant to the club....I walked by myself...and I felt so hummillated...like never in my life...at some point the alcohol kicked in worse so I started crying....a guy followed me and I got lucky that he was friendly so he walked with me and he listened to my story and he was speachless as well....I drove back to my place, I can not describe how confused and sad I was...

Later, after 5 hrs, he called me and he was asking me where I was, that he was looking for me, that somebody put something on his drink and he could not remember anything, he said he could not remember why he did not wait for me outside the bathroom and he does not remember what happened. He said he was sitting outside one of the hotels close the club and realized he was sitting there for around 2 hrs just waiting for me...he apologized, he told me he could not drive as he did not sleep all night and he was going to get a hotel room there and stay...he told me he felt sick. I went to see him to his room, he was hugging me and he was telling me how sorry he was and that was very bad that he could not remember anything...I guess I wanted to believe him, I did not want to think he left me there....and I gave him the benefit of the doubt...in our next date, he took me to a concert and he told me he wanted to show me he cares about me and that he would never leave me again...etc...

Now that he is not calling and thinking about this issue that I tried not to pay attention, I think I should have seen the signs!!! It hit me, he did hook up with somebody else that night...

Who loses a date??? seriously? who dissapears like that? the worst part of everything is that I was not thinking!!!! I should have been so mad at him and I should have not answered the phone!!!

I am posting this on the male forum as now I need some answers...Have you ever been in a situation like this? Have you lost your date like that? Have you ever ended up so drunk that you just dissapear like that?

I am so hurt because now I feel back in the past when he disappeared...what a jerk....

Need male answers here....

[Wakeup]

WTF does it matter now? The good thing is that you'll never allow yourself to ignore a red flag again and that you now have the self-respect to not disrespect yourself again by excusing piss poor behaviour to you and you'll tell any guy that tries to play you in the future to go fk up a tree.

Quit obsessing about this asswipe. Karma will eventually take care of him and it will likely be in the form of some giirl he picks up (while out on a date with another) who gives him an STD and then robs him while he sleeps.

FORGET ABOUT HIM AND QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT. Regret nothing because I'm sure you enjoyed the concert and the sex so just chalk it all up as a lesson learned so that you'll not again date a charming douche bag who spews crap ever again.

He's history. Stop keeping thoughts of him in the present.

[DannyH]

of course not. Stop dwelling on the prick.

[Juanny30]

Yes, you are like a teacher now to me as you have helped me to see things I could not see...

I just needed to vent this situation that I completely ignored and it should have been the first flag for not answering his calls...

I have made plans for tonight with a nice friend, dinner, movies. I have class tomorrow and then I am going to a baseball game, I am working on a busy fun schedule for this weekend so no wasting more time on this jerk.

WTF does it matter now? The good thing is that you'll never allow yourself to ignore a red flag again and that you now have the self-respect to not disrespect yourself again by excusing piss poor behaviour to you and you'll tell any guy that tries to play you in the future to go fk up a tree.

Quit obsessing about this asswipe. Karma will eventually take care of him and it will likely be in the form of some giirl he picks up (while out on a date with another) who gives him an STD and then robs him while he sleeps.

FORGET ABOUT HIM AND QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT. Regret nothing because I'm sure you enjoyed the concert and the sex so just chalk it all up as a lesson learned so that you'll not again date a charming douche bag who spews crap ever again.

He's history. Stop keeping thoughts of him in the present.

[smackie9]

This is what dating is all about, it's trial and error until you meet the right one. We all have a story or two about having a disastrous date so stop beating yourself up over this. Lesson learned, grow from it. Best of luck on finding someone that treats you nice. As they say you have to kiss a lot of toads in order to find your prince!

[Wakeup]

Yes, but she'll kiss far less toads if she heeds red flags (like she's learned to do) and she doesn't jump into bed until she knows that they value her.



Sounds like you have a fun and busy weekend planned, Juanny.. Enjoy!

[Poodle3]

"Who loses a date??? seriously? who dissapears like that?"

Are you sure he didn't just get too drunk and fall over somewhere, or smoke some weed and spend a couple of hours throwing up? (Men don't usually get spiked, they use it as an excuse for not being able to handle their drink/drugs. Sounds like he passed out outside a hotel and woke up later) To be honest losing a girl on a second date sounds quite like something I might well do, and I've never cheated in my life. If he'd gone off with another girl he probably would have been gone for the night.

[smackie9]

Yes, but she'll kiss far less toads if she heeds red flags (like she's learned to do) and she doesn't jump into bed until she knows that they value her.



Sounds like you have a fun and busy weekend planned, Juanny.. Enjoy!

You have to learn from your mistakes just like everyone else, and not every situation has red flags unfortunately....I'm sure she will know better next time. Live and learn as they say.

[smackie9]

As for him hooking up, that is a possibility and then again where is the proof. Any who if it doesn't feel right, then it's probably not. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head, your subconscious, your gut instinct....it's usually right.

[Juanny30]

He was done since 2am ...looked for him until like 3 am...then he called me at 10 am!!!
And he wanted me to believe that people put something on his drink? And he can't remember anything??

But like everybody here says, I should have seen that...I should have not answered his calls ever again...who loses a date???

"Who loses a date??? seriously? who dissapears like that?"

Are you sure he didn't just get too drunk and fall over somewhere, or smoke some weed and spend a couple of hours throwing up? (Men don't usually get spiked, they use it as an excuse for not being able to handle their drink/drugs. Sounds like he passed out outside a hotel and woke up later) To be honest losing a girl on a second date sounds quite like something I might well do, and I've never cheated in my life. If he'd gone off with another girl he probably would have been gone for the night.

[smackie9]

He was done since 2am ...looked for him until like 3 am...then he called me at 10 am!!!
And he wanted me to believe that people put something on his drink? And he can't remember anything??

But like everybody here says, I should have seen that...I should have not answered his calls ever again...who loses a date???

Anyways, a gentleman would have offered to escort you to a washroom and would have waited outside, if it was such a large busy place. Don't look for a man that sucks up to you and tells you what you want to hear to smooth things over for his neglect, look for one that focuses on you for the whole date, someone that is genuinely attentive.

[Fallenangel29]

Drink driving...nice!