Can someone tell me how to build trust?

[ivorylady]

Hey there,

I've been hurt so much in my pass relationship as he had cheat on me, now, I found myself can't really trust any other guy, even sometimes with the guy I have a relationship for 6 years, I know he suffered a lot sometimes because I don't really trust.

I really need help on how to trust some one, how to trust in relationship, or maybe any book recommendation how I can overcome this?

appreciate your help.

[doppelgaenger]

You haven't had enough time to get over it. The only way to regain your trust in people is to give it time.

[ivorylady]

yes i do, my current bf is very caring and trust worthy, but i still can't trust sometimes, I know deep inside this is my personal issue, i need a good book that can motivate me and building trust to relationship again, please recommend if you have

[doppelgaenger]

No, you haven't given it enough time. It's foolish to get involved with someone when you're not capable of trusting them. There is no book that will help you build trust, I guarantee this.

[MaidenMinx]

I wouldn't recommend any book. I'd recommend a good counsellor.

[pisces25]

You need to give him trust. Rather than make him work for it. Kinda like innocent until proven guilty. Regardless if you trust him or not if he is going to play up he is going to play up. But in my experience not trusting someone gives more reason for them to do this as they think 'eh they don't trust me anyway may as well do it'.
Acting suspicious, making accusations, fretting over what your boyfriend is doing when you are not around are all behaviours which will ruin your relationship.

Also, look at it this way. The last guy cheated on you. That is the past. Each person is different and you shouldn't just assume this current guy is going to cheat on you coz the last one did. If he does he is a wanker and you get rid of him. When we trust someone we have to let go of control and we become vulnerable. It is scary but it is the risk you take when it comes to love. The alternative? Stay single.

[Wakeup]

I think being able to trust is a frame of mind. You have to accept that you don't have control over anyone but yourself. Once you understand that concept, you let go of the feeling of being out of control with your mate and you live life without fear of abandonment.

You also have to have the mind frame that ties in with knowing, without a doubt that you can't control what he does, that no matter what you do, if he's going to cheat there is absolutely nothing you could do to stop it so why torture yourself thinking about that possiblity.

If a couple have solid relationship boundaries in place where you both agree that you'll not breach, then that will also give the security you need to be able to trust.
When you know that if he's faced with temptation, he'll put up relationship boundary blocking techniques and not allow himself to cross said boundaries, well, Knowing that makes trust come easily and allows you both to relax and not fear.

You not being able to trust is based on fear and if you can't overcome your fear you will never be happy within your relationship. You not being happy will cause your partner to be unhappy and then sadly, your worse fear has more of a chance of coming true so be sure you work on yourself with or without a therapist to overcome. It's unfair to your current partner to make him pay for the sins of someone in your past.

[devonbrown]

People say that trust is earned. If someone has been with you for 6 years I think that he has probably earned some trust. Normally that happens when there is an issue, or you have something happen and he is there for you, etc.

The thing is that you don't trust him because you have been hurt by other people in the past. This is a separation issue. It is like a chat room. You are lumping your current guy into a relationship grouping that you had with other people who hurt you. The problem is that the group you have him in had its rules created based on the actions of previous jerks. It is time to create your own room for him with rules that apply only to him. Be fair to him this way and you may very well find some trust in him you didn't know you had.

Good luck.