If you read this whole thing I will love you forever!
So I am currently 19, but ever since I first started having sex, at 14, I have had some problems. This is it...
Girls always assume im a badboy at first. Odd because im a really nice person. With some things, like my little brother, I would fight till I was dead to save him. But mostly I am just nice and easy going. If there was one way to describe me its open minded. Problem is what happens is they are attracted to the badboy, find out im a nice guy, then lose interest.
QUESTION: Why do girls assume im a badboy?
Possibly helpful information: I am a leader among my peers
I have a rough past that people know bits about
I stand up for what I believe no matter what
(remember these are just surface traits, the ones people
notice first usually)
At 16 and into 17 I would just always act kinda jerky and it worked! I got women's attention but I never liked them truly.
Now on the RARE occasion that I meet a girl I like.. Im in awe and its not about looks, its about personality. With the girls im in awe of, I just am myself because I feel like the only way to find someone who goes well with you is to be yourself. Otherwise you are just delaying the inevitable clash and set both people up for hurt.
What do I mean by I am myself?
I compliment them on things that i genuinely like
I will ignore the things I disagree with her about AS LONG AS they can be ignored without negative consequences.
Example: she likes "this movie", I think it sucks. Then I think, well could I live
with occasionally watching a movie I don't like to make someone
happy? You bet your ass I can. If you are not man enough to watch
the occasional bad movie or eat some weird tasting food to make
your woman happy you are not a man at all IN MY OPINION.
I make sure that she is happy, satisfied, and feels respected.
QUESTION: Why is it that when I am a nice guy (myself) women lose interest but
when I am a bit of an ass girls are totally attracted? It seems backwords
QUESTION: Are these considered a lack of confidence? because I hear all too much
nice guys lack confidence and leadership but I feel like I dont lack those.
i'll explain more shortly. Personally I consider it just being nice! lol. But
there are those who disagree and im curious as to why you see it as a
weakness.
I have realized I have mommy issues. Me and my mom had a TERRIBLE relationship. Now I like when the woman makes choices. I know that I will be content with it because what I enjoy is hanging out with her. I could care less where it is. But admittedly, I can also get jealous sometimes and sometimes....no i need to be honest with myself. I often fear her losing interest because it has happened a lot when I am me and im only me with girls I really like which like I have said is uncommon, but then I get hurt when I am myself and I fear it that much more the next time :/... kind of felt good to be honest about that. But also... not
QUESTION: Do I come across as needy? What can I do to change that without not
being me?
QUESTION: Why do i get jealous? Is it normal? Can I fix it? how?
relevant information: When I say jealous there is an element of... i dunno. Fear mabye.
Im not sure.
PS: I have noticed that I am trying really hard not to admit this lol, but I tend to be
attracted to girls that are motherly, Like... I love that nurturing feeling. I never
really had it growing up so that compassion is so... amazing to me.
Now this is where it is confusing. If you are still reading thank you
I am a very strong natural leader. All my life I have been kind of the alfa male in the group. I have moved a TON so i know this is true because I have experienced it with many groups of people. I am ALWAYS the peace maker, for instance when I left florida there was about 10 of us that hung out almost everyday. Only a year later they all wen't different ways but I kept in touch. I also was looked to for desicion making but not in the way you would think. I don't like to make choices for people because I feel everyone should do what they want as long as they dont hurt anyone. But I DO like helping people make choices by taking steps in logic or just asking questions they don't ask themselves.
BUT.... When it comes to women I am romantic with I just turn to jelly. Don't get me wrong. I'm a man by all means. I don't put up with disrespect towards me or anyone I respect and will confront the people that are showing disrespect. I can handle myself in a fight, i dont need to explain why, but I almost never have to because im diplomatic. Despite this "badboy" appearance people see sometimes, I am a sensitive guy. I love cuddling and just talking and staring in her eyes. I even like chick flicks and girl talk. If Women didn't turn me on so damn much I would think I was gay lol.
QUESTION: Is it so bad that I have that gentle side to me? Or rather is it so bad that I
Am gentle and only am "tough" or whatever you want to call it when I
NEED to be?
If you are STILL reading i love you a little bit <3
Now I think this is a product of everything I have discussed so far. I am clueless as shit with girls. I can't tell you how many times I have moved from a state and find out that so and so liked me but I had NO idea. This also ties in with the girls i DO get involved with. I always make the first move because i mean, thats just how it works. But I have to be givin OBVIOUS ass clues. Which is strange because I'm really good at reading people but when its a girl I like. I melt. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and lose her.
Example: With the first kiss she has to have snuggled close to me, moved her hair to the other side of her face, look at me often, and when I look at her she has to be looking at my lips. Otherwise im just a confused puppy lol. Same with sex, I am never the first person to take off a shirt and I am never the one to undo my pants because like I said, I dont want to do the wrong thing.
QUESTION: Is it odd that I am so clueless? Are girls just subtle and i'm not all that clueless? Why am I just clueless with girls I like?
This is the most disturbing part EVER. to me at least.
So this has happened to me more then once as emasculating as that is to say. I am usually out.. gamed? If that makes sense. I am a well built guy and have a nice face but I just don't play that game. I mean If I am talking to a girl and she talks to someone else, I don't compete. I just say **** it even though i could easily compete. I do not compete because when I like a girl for more then sex (I don't have sex anymore unless I really like her) I don't talk to other girls. Why? Because I respect her. I don't want to feel played just like she doesn't.
I think girls can confuse nice for a push over. But trust me, if you try to push me about the wrong thing I'm not gonna budge. Its just with a lot of things, letting it go is the best thing to do. Its simply not constructive to dwell on things cannot be changed or say you think a movie sucks even though she likes it. What does that accomplish? I dont get it. Mabye one of you girls who likes jerks and backhanded compliments could help me.
QUESTION: Do girls really think us nice guys are insincere, lack confidence, and treat
women like goddesses? And if so, what in the world makes them think
that???
QUESTION: What is it that girls like about the backhanded compliments and the
disagreement that is in no way helpful? Hows that
attractive? And don't say that its not true. I mean, it might
not be for some girls but i know from personal experience IN MANY STATES
that behavior is much more effective then being nice.
FINALLY
IN CONCLUSTION:
First off, thank you so so so much for taking the time to read my ranting ladies. I really appreciate that you have no idea. Haha, mommy issues XD I love to talk to women about feelings. How lame huh?
If you don't have a response well then, have a good one, thanks for listening at least. We are all connected and that makes a difference. If you do have a response I would love to hear it! If it is something I can respond to I will or if you have a question or ANYTHING i'll answer.
Haha, side note, after writing the above paragraph, thats a perfect example of what girls dont like about me. I hear "your too nice" and thats what they mean.
I need your help. I now live in oregon and don't know many people except for the girl im talking to and some guys. I definatly won't talk to the guys about this and clearly I am confused about women so wont tell her.
LAST QUESTIONS: Based on what you have read, what would you guess is making
many of these girls lose interest?
How do I come across in this? I may come across
one way to myself but another way to others, especially
women. This may be where the confusion is.
What about the girl im talking to? so much. She is
beautiful, and really sweet. Yet she is also outgoing and strong and
has a really good heart.
ENDING NOTES
So answers to my question would rock!
Any question to my story would rock!
Any advice would rock!
Anyway, I'm such a chatterbox, I just love to talk lol.
Bye, much love!
PS: If someone could address my mommy issues that would be great. I dont know what to ask but want help with it. Kind of confusing haha