Awesome Saturday night turned into a very disappointing and embarrassing experience..

[Jhcl]

It brings me to tears just thinking about this.. Especially since I'm only 21.

Bottom line: I have trouble getting an erection when I'm about to have sex. I know it has something to do with nerves and anxiety, but that's always going to be there..

I went out with a couple hot girls and had a chance at the end of the night for a threesome, but I couldn't get and stay hard...

I had a lot to drink but it was in like a 5-7 hour period and felt pretty much sober when this "opportunity" arose. During the teasing before we got into bed (just kissing and touching) I was getting hard, but when the threesome opportunity came I was hard, harder, softer, softer, soft.. Then after about 5 minutes I started to feel sick to my stomach (a mix of the sheer embarrassment and the beer, liquor and 7-eleven sandwich I guess).

Another thing is that I had already been out with one of the girls and actually really like her. We connected, emotionally and physically, something I hadn't found in a woman like.. Ever (leading to me now being infatuated while I don't know her true feeling for me). Which makes this whole situation suck 10x worse..

As she drove me back to my car I decided I could either be completely silent and say nothing or take the sensitive route. I ask her if there's anything she wants to say to me. "To be honest, I'm mortified by the whole situation.." "And by the way, that's not who I am. I'm never the girl to do something crazy like that." We drive back to my car and I tell her I want to talk for a minute. I say, "what happened back there has.. Never happened before and I'm gonna be honest, I don't usually say this to a girl, but I actually kinda like you. I'd like to see you again, but it's up to you." She says "What do you mean it's up to me?" "If I wasn't interested in seeing you again I'd just tell you." I tell her that if she's interested to hit ME up. A little more talk, we make out a few different times in between and one last time before I step out. Couple lovey-dovey texts from her on the way home.. "I like you too, Jhcl " "Hope to see you soon too, looking forward to it "

Though it all seemed genuine, the straight up "I don't play games, I'd tell you if I weren't interested in seeing you again," the multiple short, passionate make outs before I left that she initiated, the lovey-dovey texts, my gut feeling tells me that she was just doing all of it because she understood that my pride was crushed and that I was extremely embarrassed so she just wanted to make me feel better. I know that a lot of things happen and it makes you stronger, harder, but what lesson do I have to learn from this? How is this going to make me a better, bigger, mentally touger man? I mean I've been through rejection, embarrassment and disappointment in my life, but this is just on another whole level.. And it was MY fault!

So instead of having an awesome and possibly once in a lifetime experience very early in my life, satisfying two women and them satisfying me, then waking up with both of them in my arms and feeling amazing with my confidence soaring, I'm sitting here typing this, feeling like so much less of a man... I can't believe I'm saying this and that I'm actually this hooked on a girl I've only seen twice, but I just hope that she remembers the connection we have and how much fun the night was before that embarrassing situation.

[pisces25]

If she is going to judge you on one bad experience maybe she isn't worth your time.

[tremolo]

Um, I'm not going to pity you because you didn't get that fantasy threesome you wanted... but I'm sorry you were embarrassed in front of this girl you like.

Now, honestly... if you really like her, it's probably a good thing that threesome didn't happen. From what I've heard, they usually **** up the dynamic between the couple involved.

Pisces is right that if she really likes you, this won't be a big deal.

[HeartIsAching]

I've done the threesome thing three times (once with twins!) and the one that happened where I was involved with one of them... didn't work out.

The other two were okay sexual experiences, but frankly more work than it's worth.

as to the erectile difficulties... lay off the booze beforehand. Even if you're not that drunk, it can have an effect. If that doesn't help, I'd suggest seeing a doctor. They have pills for that sort of thing these days.

[Jhcl]

Um, I'm not going to pity you because you didn't get that fantasy threesome you wanted... but I'm sorry you were embarrassed in front of this girl you like.

Now, honestly... if you really like her, it's probably a good thing that threesome didn't happen. From what I've heard, they usually **** up the dynamic between the couple involved.

Pisces is right that if she really likes you, this won't be a big deal.

It's not the "fulfilling my fantasy" part, though that would be nice, it's what you said.. Not being able to perform for/with the girl I'm interested in as well as the blow my pride took. If I could see into the future and knew for a fact that I'd be seeing this girl again I'd still be disappointed and embarrassed about the situation but wouldn't be near this broken up. I'm sure you can relate to a point, but in my opinion not being able to get an erection when things are getting hot, especially with a girl you know and really like is one of the biggest self-esteem and spirit crushers you can experience as a man. It just makes you feel like less of a man..

And both of you made a good point, if this was a complete deal breaker for her after the good times we've had and the emotional/physical connection we have, than she's not worth it. But feelings are hard to change..

I've done the threesome thing three times (once with twins!) and the one that happened where I was involved with one of them... didn't work out.

The other two were okay sexual experiences, but frankly more work than it's worth.

as to the erectile difficulties... lay off the booze beforehand. Even if you're not that drunk, it can have an effect. If that doesn't help, I'd suggest seeing a doctor. They have pills for that sort of thing these days.

You saying it's good it didn't happen? And why didn't it work out? Got awkward between you two after that?

[Jhcl]

she texted me the next day asking me if anything bothered me about "that" night and I said something like:

"I had a lot of fun with you all. Nothing really bothered me (except being sick obviously), but to be honest I rather it have been just you and me in the other room at the end of the night." To which she responded saying something like "Aww, I'm flattered, you're a very sweet person JHCL "

Then I went on to tell her how we obviously have an emotional and physical connection so I don't feel the need to play any games. She says she's glad I don't, because neither does she.

Ended up asking her out again Monday night, here's what happened..

She's leaving Thursday to go out of town for a week (work), but I figured I'd go for it anyways.

"We should go out before you leave for your trip."

*2 hours later*

"Sorry for the delay, at work blah blah. I don't know how to make that happen, this week before I leave is nuts."

"Tomorrow night, just you and me, wear something flirty, downtown annapolis, a little breaking benjamin in the car and we see where the night takes us."

"That sounds shockingly like a come on "

"Maybe just a little bit "

"You don't need me to get laid cutie "

"That's flattering, but I'm not taking you out just to get laid."

"I'm skeptical "

"Still huh? If all I wanted from you was sex I probably wouldn't still be pursuing you. So are you down for tomorrow night or scared you might actually have fun three times in a row with the same guy? "

"Lemme see what I can do, but I can't make any promises because I have a ton of work to finish before I go "

"Gotcha. Hit me up tomorrow."

Was a little weirded out by the whole her acting like she thinks I'm JUST trying to f*ck her, didn't expect or understand that.. I then got this text at 3:30 am:

"Gah.. Awake. Urg"

When I woke up I sent her "Hey, Miss Insomniac, just got your text.. Manage to get any sleep?"

No response from her all day. At first I figured she was just sleeping, but then it seemed like I was being ignored. Not very hard to send a text saying yes or no, even if you're super busy. It's funny because this all happens right after she says she doesn't play any games, is a very straight-forward person and would just tell me if she wasn't interested. Maybe I was just a fool to believe her.. Usually if I don't give a f*ck about a girl and I didn't get a text back from her I would just delete her number. In this case I'm going to be a little more persistent (even though I foresee the end result being bad, I still feel like I have to try). Going to send one more text this afternoon saying "Hey *name*, I guess last night didn't work out, huh? Have fun in Atlanta. Hit me up when you get back and we can rock out in Annapolis!" Or should I just forget that and wait till next week when she gets back to send her a text?

[Incognito]

Everyone will have a different opinion, but I'd say to wait. You've already texted her an open text, to which she didn't respond. You don't want to seem desperate. I also think if something doesn't happen soon that you should quit while you're ahead. It seems that either she isn't after a relationship (the threesome and the expectation that you are just after sex), or that she is trying to 'let you down easy' by not coming out and saying that she flat out isn't interested.

[Wakeup]

but what lesson do I have to learn from this? How is this going to make me a better, bigger, mentally touger man?

Newsflash: Being in a threesome doesnot make you a "better, bigger, mentally tougher man." That shit comes from within and your integrity ... from the essence that is you.

I'd venture to say that the lesson you were meant to learn from this is to not jump into a totally unemotional threesome with someone you actually like and want to exeprience a true bonding with. Your inability to function while in that dynamic should make you stop trying to get your self worth through your dick. There's more to a man then just his dangly bits.

[hello1]

Funny how OP remembers the whole converation he had with the girl and types it all up...bit strange

[Jhcl]

Funny how OP remembers the whole converation he had with the girl and types it all up...bit strange

Well considering it was through text messaging..

[Wakeup]

So: did you keep in on your phone to whack off to later?

Was a little weirded out by the whole her acting like she thinks I'm JUST trying to f*ck her,

Why do you get weirded out by the obvious? You attempted a threesome with her which tells a girl that you're not interested in HER but rather in her three points of entry. (well one's an exit technically.) Next time you want to have more than sex with a girl, don't show her in actions that all you want is sex.

[tremolo]

You attempted a threesome with her which tells a girl that you're not interested in HER but rather in her three points of entry. (well one's an exit technically.) Next time you want to have more than sex with a girl, don't show her in actions that all you want is sex.

Yes, and worse - you suggested you're not only interested in her orifices, but those of another woman - in fact, maybe any woman. Even more than a ONS, threesomes suggest that a man is interested in sex generically. Not sex with one particular woman, in whom he's interested, but sex with whomever, in abundance. That is why she's now ignoring you.

[Jhcl]

Man.. Everyone's opinion is different... Some think she just wanted sex with a boy toy the whole time and me being unable to perform that night then bringing up feelings killed all her interest, some think she's interested but just needs some time, some think she's interested but super busy, you all think she's interested in more than just sex but thinks all I want is sex so she's distant.

I should've known I'd get all these different opinions, but holy crap.. I'm just more confused then ever now!

Thanks for the "advice," but I love how you all are putting all the blame on me, the man, just for going along with what I thought she wanted. She led me into the bed with her friend and when I was kissing her she told me to turn and kiss her friend. She initiated it. She even said during all the hooking up (the only thing I remember at that time) was "wow, you touching me while kissing her? That's hot!" So you're saying that she did all this, then later had second thoughts about the whole situation and now figures all I want is sex? Ahahahahaha! I know women are confusing and ridiculous but if that's the case then DAMN! I guess it IS possible considering what she said to me after the situation... "that's not me, I never do crazy stuff like that etc.." and "I'm glad it didn't happen, I have to wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror.." and "you really don't know anything about me.." Though all that could always just be lies to stop from looking like a slut.

The only other scenario (if we're talking about her ignoring me because she thinks all I want from her is sex, which IS possible I suppose..) is that her initiating the threesome was a test to see how far I'd go with it. But that's even more ridiculous!

The thing is everything can be refuted here and there are way too many mixed signals to know how she actually feels.

If I was only to be a boy toy to her then why not have sex with me on the first date? Then why reciprocate my feelings (saying she likes me too) and say she wants to see me again instead of just cutting it off right there? Why text me later asking if anything bothered me about that night? And why accuse me of trying to go out with her just to get laid?

On the other hand, if she wanted something more then why lead us into that situation? And blah blah blah blah I don't know why I'm still typing because none of this is actually getting me anywhere or helping!

[Wakeup]

Thanks for the "advice," but I love how you all are putting all the blame on me, the man, just for going along with what I thought she wanted. She led me into the bed with her friend and when I was kissing her she told me to turn and kiss her friend. She initiated it.

It's no different to you what i tell young women who really like a guy and would like to pursue and get to know a guy for a relationship. You can't play like you're only in it for sex if you want more than just sex.

So... It is your fault if you went along with casual sexual dynamics like thats what you only want when in reality you want to date her and see if there is potential.

She's obviously not some innocent and chaste young thang. She wants someone to take charge and **** the you know what off her and her friend. I think you should let this one go and learn a lesson here.

This isn't about blaming anyone, it's about trying to open your eyes to the fact that you want more than she does and how you shouldn't go into a threesome dynamic if you want yourself more than a **** buddy. If she actually wants to date you in an exclusive, monogamous manner and is afraid that you're just after her for sex then she shouldn't have acted like this weeks porn star and you shouldn't have tried to be John Holmes. Understand?

The thing is everything can be refuted here and there are way too many mixed signals to know how she actually feels.

It's not hard to understand from where I sit. She's not the girl for you at this time in your life. She's obviously been doing NSA sex before and she doesn't want anything serious. Particularily with someone who would do a threesome with her and not know what the hell he was doing.. sorry ... it's no different for girls these days. When they want a boyfriend they certainly wouldn't pick one that would do her friend as well.

Chalk it up as experience and move on from it. She's just a mixed up young thang who is no where near ready to answer to any one guy. You want to deal with that? No, you're not that type of guy.

[Jhcl]

Chalk it up as experience and move on from it. She's just a mixed up young thang who is no where near ready to answer to any one guy. You want to deal with that? No, you're not that type of guy.

Not that it matters, but I forgot to mention.. She's 40...