Getting back together after her being disloyal

[mrpoofy]

Hi my name is Scott, I'm new to the forum and I want to get straight to it - She was texting a guy for over 3 weeks that she had met at work one day. They got as far as exchanging "sexy" pictures to each other before I caught her in phone records. She denied the accusation initially, and immediately told me we need to take a break due to my jelousy. Then she eventually caved and proceeded to tell me he was just a "friend"...then just someone she was "interested" in..then finally someone she "flirted" with.

I have been with this woman through the good and bad for almost 3 years. We're young and crazy about each other - and had NEVER had any suspicions about being disloyal. Not going to lie, she has the insecure type of personality to where if something might effect our relationship - she will make up lies to protect it. But in the long run has bit her in the ass so you could say I do have trust issues beforehand.

We both were in a wreck after I broke it off, and we both were still crazy about each other. So I left the door open, and made it obvious that I wanted her back..Even after that, she still proceeded to talk to this man because she "needed someone to talk to and to vent to" about our break up. So cut it off, again. But after a roller coaster of fighting off this guy and trying to see past her actions, we are now back together but having a short "break" to think things over.

I have accepted the fact she did what she did, but having a hard time understanding why she did what she did. She tells me things NOW that I do that makes her unhappy and might have been the reason behind her actions. She's the type of person that wouldn't tell me until after the problem became a problem.

Are these reasons just an excuse for her or does she actually have these feelings? This tore my heart open and it will be a difficult path to get back to where we used to be...but is it worth the trouble? whats in her mind? Does she want to have that "single" life again or just got flattered and took it too far? Or is there things I do that make her unhappy or is she just a stuck up cold @^#$*

I don't know what to think or believe anymore, these lies have just blurred my vision.

Any help will be appreciated, thank you!

[HeartIsAching]

Stop assuming that you know how she feels about you. Frankly, if she were "Crazy about you", she wouldn't have done it.

With rare exceptions, cheaters remain cheaters. If you keep her, be prepared for future transgressions.

[mrpoofy]

Love the Tool quote btw =p

And for the record I did break it off. I believed she missed out on the single life. For me it was wrong place, wrong time. And maybe then it would have worked out. No matter how much I protected, loved and worked at it, it's like destiny ripped it right out of my arms and bitch slapped me. Everyone wants to do the right thing, but what about the "what if"? Would you gamble complete disaster if it meant possible happiness?

[Cerby]

Would you gamble complete disaster if it meant possible happiness?

I like this quote, but isn't every relationship a gamble at complete disaster with the possible outcome of happiness?

If my last relationship were poker cards, I went all in with a 2 7 offsuit.

[mrpoofy]

Definantely..and that's how I feel too, but how am I supposed to feel as a man who is waiting for someone i love, do the single life? I feel like I'm the dog at home waiting for his owner to return.

[OmnicronPercei8]

If my last relationship were poker cards, I went all in with a 2 7 offsuit.

I doubt that very much. I know personally I went all in with aces that lost to a 2/7 off hand. I guess you probably didn't fall hard for the girl you were with if it wasn't 100% compatible in your mind to begin with...

[Horseyguy]

Definantely..and that's how I feel too, but how am I supposed to feel as a man who is waiting for someone i love, do the single life? I feel like I'm the dog at home waiting for his owner to return.

Just be true to yourself, don't sell yourself short and do what you feel is right for you.

I was in a similar situation. In my case she wasn't texting someone else but had put a profile on a dating site and was emailing other guys, when I found out I ended it.

The reason it happened was she basically got depressed when her dog got cancer and because of that she lost that feeling of being in love so wasn't sure she still wanted to be in a relationship with me so started looking elsewhere.

She has now acknowledged that she wasn't in the right space for a relationship and that she has an issue with drinking too much alcohol and has issues sleeping etc so has said she is going to go and start seeing a shrink.

She wants us to try again but she's not ready for anything right now, so once she is feeling better she will contact me again with a view to revisiting "us" and hopefully trying again as she hasn't given up hope that one day we will be back together and will grow old and grey together.

Well that all sounds great but after waiting 6 weeks and dealing with the break up and getting to the point where I was happy to move on I've now met someone else. Someone who does actually treat me right, is ready to be in a meaningful relationship and someone who can genuinely communicate with me. Will be interesting in a few weeks when the ex suddenly decides she does want to be with me after all and makes contact again, which she will.

My point being, you can sit at home waiting like a dog for their master to come home or you can just carry on with your life and see what happens. Maybe you will meet somone else, someone better or maybe you will sort stuff out with your ex, who knows, but either way just sitting around and waiting isn't doing the right thing by you.

[Cerby]

I doubt that very much. I know personally I went all in with aces that lost to a 2/7 off hand. I guess you probably didn't fall hard for the girl you were with if it wasn't 100% compatible in your mind to begin with...

I took her on the rebound because I wasn't smart enough to let things cool down from her previous relationship, I could have waited a few months and still had her. In this case I would have folded and waited for a better hand.

It was a bad gamble and I knew it, and it blew up in my face.

[bushybeard11]

Yes - you're right poofy - she definitely missed the excitement of making new connections - the thrill of sending lucid texts to some guy - but it doesnt mean she was bored with you- she probably needs somebody who wants an open relationship - or at least the freedom to engage in that behavior - would you consider that?

[mrpoofy]

I can consider it and feel better, thanks everyone. I'm just going to tell her than when she is ready, to look me up and take it from there. If it was meant to be, then time will tell.