Help me its been 3 months after she cheated

[kingbrian]

so yeah its been 3 months, since i busted my girl after the best three years of my life.. cheating.. on facebook none the less. well she was very emotionless in the fight when discussing the cheating.. like a robot, "im sorry i didnt mean to cheat".. no please forgive me or anything... eventually she started telling me terrible things how she loves this guy, its been goin on for 3 months (probably longer), sex with him is good, she never really loved me i just grew on her, blah blah blah.. i never wanted her to leave.. but i couldnt look at her after she told me she loved this guy... i never suspected a thing at the time.. now looking back i was so blind.. see heres a little history, she has no family mom died a couple years before we got together shes 28 now im 30, she never worked i got her a job through a friend of mine but she would come home crying.. after about two weeks i told her to quit, i got her in school (college) i tought her to drive a stick shift and how TO PUMP GAS!! i got her 2 cars over the last three years.. just how to live life in general, i dont know why, but apparently she had everything done for her growing up, she didnt cook, so after work i would come home and cook us dinner, she hated cleaning and was bad at it, hated doing dishes and did that badly but i never complained about that, i had talked to her once saying that i felt she could do that stuff as i pay for everything give her anything and love her more than life.. she felt it was fair.. so things were good for a while then fell off again she started feeling i should do more around the house.. i gave her anything, took her to do anything.. but doing it all really will wear on a person towards the end i admit i was seriously stressed.. i didnt do enough for her as far as affection but, my love was never questioned.. so our third anniversary i planned this vacation, to San diego and was gunna propose, well that was march 12, the last night i saw her was the night of the march tenth as we sat together watching the tsunami in japan just shocked.. i never saw her again until sunday night... i was crushed... i was still holding on.. she told me how confused she was she was doing badly in school (all of the sudden) she was doing amazing 3.8 plus GPA for the last couple years... she was gunna have to work blah blah blah.. she loves me and doesnt wanna break up (this is the short story).. so the next day at work, i found on facebook that she says "yumm this is all mine" to some jarhead kids picture (22 years old) i freaked i went home immediately and confronted her.. she lied and lied at first trying to tell me she was just flirting.. i lied and told her i already talked to him and he said they had sex, then she admitted it was only one time.. this went on and on.. later that night i told her to leave.. that is when she freaked finally starting to show some emotion, not about me but having no where to go.. i told her to go to him.. she said she cant her friends wouldnt take her in.. i never got a please forgive me or anything.. its all i wanted i was so heartbroken, i never ever wanted her to leave.. she left... i kept her car.. she wanted nothing i ever gave her and it broke my heart.. i tried a few times over the next few days to get answers but it turned to a fight.. the night she left she put a pic of her and her BF up on her FB.. i was so infuriated... fast forward three horrible months.. i love her.. more than anything.. it was all my fault.. she had told me i took her for granted.. .. i feel it.. she had blocked me on facebook cut all ties with me.. Her boyfriend was due to go to japan in june (this month).. well i have tried zero contact.. but then as i go through a co worker of mines friends list i come across her.. i didnt even know they were ever friends, she UNBLOCKED ME!!! its killing me!! why?? i dont know what to do.. do you think i could ever have a chance with her again? what do i do?

[DannyH]

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html[/url]

read that then look at all the things you did to fix her life. seriously.

[Sonrisa]

i mean come on dude, you say you're thirty, but you sound like a teenager.

[kingbrian]

What makes me sound like a teenager? If you really wanted i could list every detail of our relationship but that would be tons of writing. There will always be things that you wouldn't understand, or i couldnt explain. I did not know she didnt know how to pump gas, i am a good cook and etc. so i had no problems there but when life piles up, things get rough. Have you ever met that one person that changes your perspective on everything? I was the guy that was never getting married and never having kids.. I have a good job, make good money, have my own place, own my truck, have everything i want, but her. I come here for advice on what to do because im seeking help from every place i can, im seeing a reiki master, a hoslistic massage specialist, (both really weird i know but im desperate) and a psychologist as of next week because i know this isn't normal but when you life is done at the flip of a switch its a bit of a shocker. Im not sayin im the only person to every go through this, but im simply lookin for some advice.. I dont need anyone telling me I'm immature. I have been in two long term relationships since i was 20. im now good friends with my first ex and shes being a great friend. She also cheated on me, and we have discussed it and things are forgiven. Please dont tell me im being immature because im not handling things your way. I gave her my whole heart and never let up.

[OmnicronPercei8]

While there was probably much good to the relationship, what you've described just sounds like you were always invested far more into the relationship than she was. No doubt you love her and would like to make it work with the ideal version of her, but from what you've said she's rarely like that. And then throw cheating on top of it all? I wouldn't subjugate yourself to it any longer. If you still can't get over her, make a list of everything good that you like about her personality and the way she treated you and then make a list of bad stuff she did both in general and to you. See which one weighs heavier.

[survivor08]

I reccommend book caleld How to Heal A Painful Relationship. Premise: Say to yourself, I loved you, "but need to let you go." And work on yourself. You cannot even contemplate that this is going to work for the both of you. Get over any guilt you may have over this relationship and move on, there are better women out there (I think) in spite of what country music songs say.

[kingbrian]

Yeah i think in the end i was way more into it then her, but not until the first time she cheated, which i was too blind to see.. So you dont think i should even try to contact her at all? Why would she just unblock me on FB? Shes clearly checking out my public profile, while hers is still private.. I think i made several mistakes she had said one day she would like the option to have kids and mariiage and i was stickin to my guns, sayin "not me!" im sure that was mistake number one... My lack of affection was number two, but i blame her for making me that callused and frustrated and tired.. In the end we are both to blame for lack of communication.. BTW i think she unblocked me after her BF was shipped off, now she is staying with a friend in sand bernadino, or rumor has it.. I mean what if its one of those situations where we are both waiting for the other to say something? I think i know her well enough to say she will not be the one to say something.. I dunno its pretty pathetic for me to be this way..

[steviej]

She treated you like a doormat. You were her meal ticket, she used you and completely disrespected you. Keep whats left of your dignity and block that cheating skank!
Seriously, go read your opening post, you are doing the white knight syndrome! To make it worsr you're blaming yourself and trying to excuse her behaviour.

Learn a lesson from this and walk away, it will only repeat itself if you get her back.

[MishimaZ]

This is really fXXked up, she used you like a doormat and after all these shit you still want to be with this person?

Do not contact this girl again unless you want to grieve more here daily....

[tremolo]

fast forward three horrible months.. i love her.. more than anything.. it was all my fault.. she had told me i took her for granted.. .. i feel it..

I was taking a drink as I read this and almost spit my coffee all over my computer screen. You paid for everything for her, allowed her not to work, put her through school, bought her a car, did all her life duties and chores for her simply because, wah wah, she didn't really feel like doing them, catered to her every whim and desire and... you now believe her when she says you took her for granted? That is so messed up. She took YOU for granted!

do you think i could ever have a chance with her again? what do i do?

You're kidding me, right? I can't understand why you wanted her in the first place let alone now, after she cheated on you with no remorse. She must be one hell of a looker and a dynamo in bed if she doesn't do *anything* with her life and you're (still) kissing the ground she walks on. Unbelievable.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but seriously... back the **** up and reassess the situation!

[steviej]

Op, keep reading the above post until realisation kicks in.

[kingbrian]

I have to agree, that sounds like the truth, but how is it she convinced me i took her for granted? And why the **** do i still love her so much?

[tremolo]

She clearly has some kind of hold over you. Maybe because she's beautiful, maybe because she fulfills your sexual needs... I can't imagine what else she would be giving you when she seems to do nothing but take, take, take, take, take from you. Whatever you are feeling is not rational. You need to ask yourself whether she embodies everything you want in a partner. For myself, I believe a partnership should be just that - a mutual giving and taking between two people who love each other. She seems to suck the life out of you - so much so, that you couldn't fulfill certain of her so-called 'needs'. You were so busy trying to meet all of her material demands, you apparently couldn't satisfy her emotionally. Even if you had more time/energy, I don't know that you would have. She sounds impossibly difficult to satisfy, and I can't imagine she ever had any real love for you. I'm sorry to tell you that, but I think you were simply her caretaker, and that's why she stayed for so long with you. I say this because, when you caught her cheating, she didn't even have the heart to apologize to you. A woman in love would have been groveling at your feet for a second chance. A woman truly in love never would have cheated in the first place.

Please try to extricate yourself from this child - child, because no real woman would ever act in such a way - and find someone who truly deserves you, and is willing to care for you like you should be cared for.

[tremolo]

I should add, also, that a woman in love would have *wanted* to give back to you. When I myself have been in love, I have bent over backwards to give to my partner. There is almost nothing I wouldn't do for him. It doesn't sound like she did anything for you.

In my relationship that just ended, I realized I was giving a whole lot more than I was getting - and you know what? As much as I love and adore my ex, I know that relationship wasn't a good one. He wasn't nearly as selfish or monstrous as your ex sounds - and boy was he selfish! - but I knew I deserved better, which is why I'm okay with the fact he left me. I still miss him, I still want him, I still cry over him sometimes... but I know he didn't deserve me, and that I should hold out for what I want and deserve. I hope you begin to feel that way too. If you had stayed with her, you would begin to resent her eventually. And resentment is poison to any relationship.

[Cerby]

I should add, also, that a woman in love would have *wanted* to give back to you. When I myself have been in love, I have bent over backwards to give to my partner. There is almost nothing I wouldn't do for him. It doesn't sound like she did anything for you.

In my relationship that just ended, I realized I was giving a whole lot more than I was getting - and you know what? As much as I love and adore my ex, I know that relationship wasn't a good one. He wasn't nearly as selfish or monstrous as your ex sounds - and boy was he selfish! - but I knew I deserved better, which is why I'm okay with the fact he left me. I still miss him, I still want him, I still cry over him sometimes... but I know he didn't deserve me, and that I should hold out for what I want and deserve. I hope you begin to feel that way too. If you had stayed with her, you would begin to resent her eventually. And resentment is poison to any relationship.

Exactly like mine, I gave as much as I would to anyone I felt for, and I rarely got anything in return. I adored her, and she took me for granted. It pains and comforts me to know there are others who felt the same way.