Please, help!!!

[Wakeup]

No, I am not naive to the abuse he carried out on me. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused, I know that.

Then you need to stop trying to contact him and stay away from him in all ways: Verbally, electronically, personally, and mentally in your thoughts.

I just keep wondering if this is some thing he did to me only or he does it to everyone?

Obviously he has done the same (or similar) treatment of everyone or he wouldn't have said to you "I should have tried harder in my previous relationship" That tells you that she left him because he was not a good partner to her either.

It felt at times as if he was making me pay for soemthing that was wrong in his life. It felt as if he was still being affected for his previous relationship, which the girl ended as he could not commit and kept her in limbo for so long, and in return he would make me pay for that.

He has mental and emotional and commitment problems. If you want to blame anyone, blame his mother and father for how she taught him. Quit blaming yourself it will just stagnate you from getting on with your life without him in it. This is your low self-worth talking to you when you blame yourself. Anyone with decent love of self would have told him to go fk himself the first time he treated you like crap. A red flag would have imediately been raised when he brought up regretting not trying harder in his last relationship. She had the self worth to leave the sick bastige.

Otherwise why would he tell me only two days after I arrived in the country that he should have tried harder with her?? I was shocked to hear this.

yes, and you should have said goodbye right there and then or, discussed it thoroughly with him to find out what he is like with women. You based all your feelings for this man on words he gave you over the internet and you didn't pay attention to any of his actions while you were in his actually company. You are'nt the cause of his being sick though, so stop thinking you are. He was sick long before he ever wheeled you in to abuse you. It's only on you that you stayed and didn't have the sense or self-worth to get away from him before he got away from you.

If someone told me now, a professional, that he has a mental problem I would rest and forget about him, but while I don't know it I keep wondering why he did all that to me. If he wasn't interested why did he ask me to go to Aus with him? he could have simply not asked me...it was easy.

You can't rationalize what people with mental issues do. They don't make sense to a normal person and that's why they are considered ab-normal so get over it already. You do need to forget about him but you can't forget about your part in still wanting this man when he treated you so poorly. You need help with your self-esteem issues so that you never allow a man or anyone else for that matter treat you so poorly and then take it on yourself as being your fault. No one deserves to be treated with abuse. Work on yourself now and forget about him and his issues.

[bluedolphin]

His actions do not say "I love you." You need to consider everything that comes/came out of his mouth to be a lie. His actions tell you he doesn't care about anyone but himself and that he was looking for a housekeeper that he could treat poorly.[/QUOTE]

What makes you think that he was looking for a housekeeper?? Does it sound like it? Sometimes it crossed my mind that he would be looking for a submissive woman who would actually do the housework but didn't think my post came across as he wanting a housekeeper.

[Wakeup]

Okay! Are you a troll just looking for attention? I ask because you pay no attention to what you need to.

Get over it already. You were wrong for not leaving him soon enough. He has issues that are beyond your's or anyone elses control. Concentrate on getting your self worth to a healthy state and forget everything else.

[bluedolphin]

well, it just made me wonder when I read the part about him wanting a housekeeper because at times I thought he was looking for someone like that so since you mentioned it I thought to ask. Sorry!!!

[Wakeup]

don't be sorry, just comment on something, anything that you have learned. What do you think you need to do now?

[bluedolphin]

I do know what I should have done and I am trying. I do know very well that I should have left while with him. I tried many times but something, I don't know what, kept me blind and confused as if I had been brainwashed and I couldn't do it. I do know very well in my head...it is just different in my heart. While with him, his mother wanted and tried for the "relationship" to work. I think she wanted me to be with him and she even sent us to couples counselling but I could see he didn't give a damn. He did go with me to counselling but it was so ridiculous, this wasn't about counselling because there was never a relationship.

We would be walking in the street and I tried to kiss him on his cheek one day and he said: "no, you are very demanding"

We haven't been in contact for a month and before I would fee like contacting him but since 4 weeks ago I don't do it at all.

[Wakeup]

We haven't been in contact for a month and before I would fee like contacting him but since 4 weeks ago I don't do it at all.

That's because he hasn't responded to you. What will you do if he contacts you now? If you say anything other than "he can't contact me because I've deleted and blocked him" then you'd be incorrect in your reply and not looking after your own best interests.

[bluedolphin]

I am not sure what I would do. I would have to be in that situation. It would also depend on what he would say but I wouldn't go back to him just like that. He would have to prove so much and even like that I don't think I would do it. When someone is hurt and especially, when someone has been abused they do not have a clear mind like someone who hasn't suffered. It is easy to talk from the outside.

[Wakeup]

Stop making excuses. It may be easy to "talk from the outside" because I know through experience that I would immediately leave someone who even attepted to hurt me. I broke up with my first ever boyfriend because he punched the back of the couch we were both sitting on (and just missed hitting my head) because I looked up at a guy that had just walked past us. I had no desire for this guy just curious as to who he was.. He told me that "I shouldn't look at other men." I broke up with him when he walked me home that night. Never saw him again because I knew he could be controlling and abusive. i was sad but knew that it was better I never go near him again. So I don't talk to you about what I don't know anything about.

You need some help with your confidence and your self-worth and you need to start loving yourself more so that you have the strength and confidence to leave a man who shows you that he can potentially be mean and unloving to you.

This man is far too old and set in his ways to ever change. Don't kid yourself and think that he can.

[bluedolphin]

But I would tend to believe that someone who is set in his ways and is never going to change, someone who was abusive with me as he was, he would be with anyone, however, I do know that when the other girl (the only girl apart from me who lived with him) was there, he did not abuse her either physically or verbally. So how can someone be abusive with only some people?

[VincenzoG91]

But I would tend to believe that someone who is set in his ways and is never going to change, someone who was abusive with me as he was, he would be with anyone, however, I do know that when the other girl (the only girl apart from me who lived with him) was there, he did not abuse her either physically or verbally. So how can someone be abusive with only some people?

Who cares? He's an a-hole who treated you badly. End of story. Get on with your life and stop picking your scabs.

[bluedolphin]

I appreciate the answers and no one should feel obliged to give an opinion if they don't feel like but yes, I do care, I do care about at least trying to understand what happened or what was wrong with him even if i am not going back with him.

The reason why I posted is to see if someone can give me ideas or help me. If I didn't care I wouldn't be here in the first place

[bluedolphin]

This is below his last communication to me a month ago:

"I do want to say that I never had any intention to hurt you or anything like that.
This has been a very sad episode for me as well. I can not help it if we had different expectations of each other..because we are two different individuals with different backgrounds.
Unfortunately ,I was not used to having another person sharing a life in my flat,and you were far away from your family & support network here,which made you feel vulnerable.
I do feel very bad that you are suffering"

[Wakeup]

How do you know he wasn't abusive the the first girl? Did you talk to her? Because if you didn't, then you are going by his words only and I'd not trust his words for one minute.

Now... stop looking for answers to questions that will not help you in the least. You need to start asking questions of yourself and why you stayed to let this man treat you like shit. You'd still be there letting him abuse you if he didn't dump you back where you came from and then leave.

This was the best thing he could have done for you. Thats all you need to know to be able to get on with your life without him.

[bluedolphin]

How do you know he wasn't abusive the the first girl? Did you talk to her? Because if you didn't, then you are going by his words only and I'd not trust his words for one minute.

Now... stop looking for answers to questions that will not help you in the least. You need to start asking questions of yourself and why you stayed to let this man treat you like shit. You'd still be there letting him abuse you if he didn't dump you back where you came from and then leave.

This was the best thing he could have done for you. Thats all you need to know to be able to get on with your life without him.

Well, I have seen communication by emails he had with the other girl and it does not look like he did treat her badly as in abuse. He kept her in limbo and didn't get to commit to her as he hasn't committed to anyone at his age. He made her waste her time but I do not think there was any abuse while they were together. He kept writing to her, for the full year they were apart telling her he loved her. After the 3 months she lived with him, she ended up in a mental place in her native place with schizophrenia (I think there was something wrong with her and being with him triggered it) .As I said before, I felt he was making me pay for something or issues that were unresolved with him.