Wow after 11 years its all over..The agony is killing me

[vexeclipse2007]

I never thought I would ever be in this situation ever again in my life...I'm 28 shes 27 and I've been with this girl since I was 17 years old...I was truely faithful to her which makes it that much harder...this girl was my everything....I wanted everything with this girl..marriage kids the whole shabang...Now all that is gone and I feel so empty and confused...Did I do something wrong? Could I have done something to prevent this? Am I not the guy I wanted to be? These are the ?s im drilling myself EVERYDAY and EVERY Night....Heres the backstory...3 yrs ago she cheated on me with her friend....we worked it out nd continued our relationship...yr later she leaves me and come to find out she was w this guy she cheated on me with...6 months later we get back together...After we got back together she told me that shes changed and she wants to focus on US and thats it..she even mentioned about us getting married (which is funny cause i was the one that wanted to marry her and she was the one that didnt want to, I proposed to her a yr before she cheated on me, and sometimes she wouldnt even wear the ring)...But I decided to wait due to us just getting back together...Everything was GREAT...I had the love of my life back and nothing was going to break us up ever...our bond was that much stronger...so the next 2-3 yrs I didnt have 1 complaint...and the best part was she barely went out to bars..she used to go every fri night and sat night and that went down to once every 2-3 weeks...She seemed committed...BUT now ever since her friend broke up with her bf her friend (who is 35 and has 3 kids) wants to go out every fri and sat EVERY WEEK..and strings my gf along...Now once every 2-3 weeks turned into every fri and sat night...(and when they go out, they go out to the bar that the guy she cheated on me with goes every weekend)...Then I started getting a weird feeling 2 months ago..like somethings up...No sex, feeling that shes distancing herself from me, no affection NOTHING...Everytime I would go out w friends and their gfs to shoot pool she would rather go out with her girlfriends then me...So i felt alittle uneasy about that whole situation..so my curiousity kicked in and i looked in her phone and what do I see..a picture of her and the guy she cheated on me with on her phone...i was so livid and confronted her and she said she will try and stop going to bars...she even asked her mom.."did i lose rob, is it too late" she seemed worried..but I FORGAVE HER...then 3 weeks later my buddy texts me that he sees her hanging with this guy here and there at the bar and talks to him...i confronted her and all she says is that she talks to everyone..then last week my buddy broke the news and said he saw her and her friend with this guy ALL NIGHT this time..they walked in together and walked out....So this devastated me since I gave her sooo many chances...I told her too move out because on how livid i was..but after a few days the guilt started to pour down on me...She said she doesnt want to live with someone thats sad all the time..(granted ive been sad due to all this stuff happeneing) .Sorry for so long I am just so depressed....she doesnt even show that she cares or wants to work on this..she just doesnt care...we have a beautiful house, awesome dogs, and thought we had a great life together...not only is she the love of my life but shes my best friend ...The agony is killing me...I feel like I will never feel like this again nor find someone..I feel so insecure about myself....

[vexeclipse2007]

this is a tough situation because how can I lose contact with someone that I've been with for 30% of my life..shes like my best friend..ughhh why am I in this situation WHY WHY WHY WHY........I dont even know how to act being single...EVerything is so weird to me..

[DannyH]

holy crap that sounds almost exactly what I went through except I left instead of kicking her out and 6 years instead of 11. From her friend breaking up with her bf then both of them going out all the time down to the dogs even they aren't besenjis right? friday will be 6 months after our breakup. I'm actually kinda curious to see the women side of view on this since I'm just a few months on the road past you.

[DannyH]

Oh yeah take this time to learn to be you like soul searching if you will.

[kamazaki]

dammit your case is much alike man but cant compete with 11 wonderful years together.....the feeling and agony is very much painful to bare yes i know im still having a hard time of 4 years relationship to move on with. Maybe you need to give her time and space for while maybe a few text in a month or weeks, dont try to hard later she will hate you for stressing her out..head up bro cheers..

[IncognitoSir]

I'm sorry dude, but someone has to do it and i'm the motherp****er to do it! You need a swift kick in the balls and maybe them son of a bitches will swell up a bit. STOP going back to this virus you call an ex gf. She is the scum of the earth (a cheater). Enough of this wallowing in despair and pity crap. You need to get angry......real angry, look at what she did with 11 years of your life! wasted, just threw it all away for what? Some guy. This is where you begin to move on. You should be angry to the point that it makes you sick to your stomach to even think about her. She's no good for you man, all these questions you're drilling yourself with are irrelevant man. She changed, she was a good girl and now she's not. Take it for what it is. Embrace your independence from her and when she comes crawling back......which she defiantly will, make sure you have her number blocked and under any circumstances do not contact her again.

[pisces25]

thought we had a great life together...not only is she the love of my life but shes my best friend

Read your post again and then tell us how great your life was with her. And she isn't the love of your life and your best friend coz quite simply the love of your life and best friend wouldn't have done this to you, MULTIPLE times.

Why are you allowing yourself to be a doormat? I know it seems scary that there is a big wide world out there beyond the little cocoon you built for your GF and yourself but the fact of the matter is you are young and you have a lot of living to do. Accept the situation, let her go and concentrate on moving on. Don't you think you have spent enough time on this person?

And as for this - ughhh why am I in this situation WHY WHY WHY WHY - because it is life my friend. The sooner you can see that the better. No-one is immune to heartbreak. Some people have even had about 3 or 4 in the time you have been in this relationship.

[MaidenMinx]

I agree with who ever said it above, Dude, it's time to get mad. What an absolute wh*rebag. I think you have described what my husband would call a cum guzzling gutter sl*t. It's women like this that make guys like you think we're all bad.

So my advice, stop dwelling on her. Get mad with her. Then accept and realise she is just one person and not everyone is so nasty.

I hope you can move through your grief soon.

[senokotmax]

Ask yourself if you are mourning the loss of her, or if you are mourning the loss of the life that you had planned for yourself?

[KelE]

She doesn't deserve you. When you know that you will feel better. That is when you will have your self-respect back. I will say that I would never treat a guy like this. Seriously. I know that I could and would have many opportunities to do that, but I would not. I am sure you could have cheated on your GF if you wanted to, but you didnt. It's her damn fault if she's a loser like this. I do realize there are cheaters and liars out there and it is baffling. Don't accept it though. Don't wonder what you did to cause a person to treat you like that. Bottom line Don't accept it.

[akaskribb]

Bro, you have to move on. Think about how much STRONGER you will be after pulling through. Think of all of the great friends that you will have that will be there to help you get through this. Her actions will come back to haunt her. Your actions will help you be a better person as long as you have the will to. Do you want to love and be loved again? Ask yourself that. Never mind if it is with her or not. Do you? Because you will be loved again.

Whatever you do, do not continue the relationship again. Your insecurities will be the reason you go back, and you won't have any control over the relationship. She will, and nobody should have control. A good relationship has mutual respect and chemistry that is symmetrical. Love comes easily afterward.

If you're looking to get over her, then try to get your life in perspective. Think about those who have Cancer, are homeless, or are in far worse situations than you are right now. Volunteering at a soup kitchen or something will give you that opportunity to see how good you have it. Others would gladly trade their problems for yours. See the value in what you have in your life and be grateful for it.

Your situation is 90% similar to mine. I'm 20, she's 19, and she cheated, twice. We've been together since High School for five years.

Your pets are a great alternative for companionship, but if they remind you too much of her, give them to a good home. I suggest you do that with a lot of your other belongings that remind you of her. If there are things you can't get rid of, take some extended time away from home. If I had the means to, I would go on a vacation. This too, will give you perspective on your life. It will show you how much bigger the world is, and how little it means for you to worry about a girl like that.

Do not look for revenge or become bitter about anything. It's okay to feel how you feel in the beginning of the break up, like anger, but try not to do anything irrational. I like to say, "Success is the best revenge" and if you truly truly want vindication, do it to better yourself.

Hopefully you will realize that life goes on whether or not you are in agony. It's best to move on. I'm trying to as well. Stay optimistic and hopeful, but also face the reality that you must live without her in your life AT ALL.

Love and happiness will find you again, I'm sure.

[vexeclipse2007]

Oh trust me I am angry..I just can't believe she did this..and then after finding out that I know she acts like she don't give a shit...its hard to think about being alone when u were with someone for 11 yrs..and we've been living together for 9 years...it just hurts so much...shes still living in our house but she did say few days after I confronted her that she would move out by end of month...I've been going out more and I do meet girls who say I'm Sooo good-looking but the ones I'm interested are married or taken..it seems so much harder to meet girls at my age...ugh life sucks

[vexeclipse2007]

And being alone isn't the reason why I want to be with her..this morning when I went to work she was sleeping and I just starred at her for like 20 mins just saying to myself..god I love u so much..I planned a future with her (marriage.kids) I wanted it all with my first love...I can't bare thinking about her doing that with someone else why does life have to be so hard...

[pisces25]

this morning when I went to work she was sleeping and I just starred at her for like 20 mins just saying to myself..god I love u so much..I planned a future with her (marriage.kids)

Next time you do this stop yourself and picture her ****ing that other dude. I think that will wake you up to how much you love her.

[IncognitoSir]

why is she still living with you? Kick her ass the **** out! Like NOW, or you move out, get away from this chick!