Originally Posted by
vergeltung
I have considered that, but I live in a small town and wouldnt even know where to go. I was hoping that someone could just tell me something that would make me see the light, so to speak. Maybe I will believe I am crazy if even an unbiased stranger online tells me.
Go to your family doctor and ask him for a referral. He will direct you to someone and request the first appointment for you.
I left the house (in tears) for several hours and never told him what I was upset about or where I was going.
This will cause your relationship to end. You're leaving him wondering WTF what's wrong and why can't she be mature enough to discuss whats wrong will wear his nerves thin in no time at all so it's in your own best interests to train your mind to not go "there."
First start to wean yourself away from checking up on him. Then, train your brain to accept that there are certain things that are beyond your control. Your fear is based on feeling out of control so I suggest that you stop trying to control things that are absolutely beyond you being able to control. Like someone cheating. If they're going to do it then there is nothing you can do to stop it so just trust that nothing is going on and that if something begins to go on, the red flags he presents will alert you to something that's not quite right.
If you can't do that on your own, get to a state of being able to accept the things you can't change, so that your jealousy and fear will disappear, then you need professional help to guide you to that state.
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion