Need A Wake-Up Call!

[surgarmuffin24]

I'm 23 and dating a really nice guy, who is super supportive and sweet, as well as very straight forward and easy to talk to.
My recent great unfortune is that I've fallen in love someone else! He is someone I've had a strong attraction to for a long time. He has recently broken up with his girlfriend and moved back to town. But while the attraction is super strong, I have my doubts that he will be as stable and easy to be with as my current lover.

I'm feeling lots of guilt and unclarity surrounding the situation.

Do I trust my super strong attraction??? Or do I go with someone who is going to make my life feel more stable?

While I'm with the stable guy, how do I deal with this attraction (IT'S PRETTY INTENSE). I keep thinking about it him and feeling guilty about it. To make it somewhat worse, I don't have a lot of friends in the area (recently moved here for a job), so I have way to much to to think about this.

Any Advice????

[IncognitoSir]

First of all, who doesn't want stability in a relationship. You speak of stability as if it's something someone would choose not to have. The guy you speak of is fresh out of a relationship, what makes you so certain he would jump into one with you? Have you been chatting it up with this guy behind your bf back? Honestly, if this attraction is taking away from your relationship, you need to be honest with your bf and break up with him. He doesn't deserve to be "a really nice guy, who is super supportive and sweet, as well as very straight forward and easy to talk to" who is in a relationship with a girl who isn't sure if he's worth keeping around. Go see if the grass is greener on the other side, but don't be surprised if he's moved on when you get back.

[Wakeup]

OP has a duplicate thread started in "Personal Development" (freudian slip, perhaps?) I'll repeat my response to that thread here:

Are you acting on this attraction by going out and being alone with this guy or is this just some fantasy you have that is causing some emotional disconnect with your current partner?

If its the former than you deal with your attraction by stopping the personal interaction and contact of any kind. If it's the latter then you train your mind to immediately change the subject of him should you find yourself drifting to thoughts of him.

Whatever you do, don't be a t**t and string your boyfriend along while you flirt and try and secure this guy. That would be very shitty of you.

[loves568]

Yea, you have to make a decision NOW!! Don't wait any longer. Your heart isn't the only one on the line. What about the stable guy who cares about you? You're only being unfair to him by prolonging things. You need to decided to tell him and walk away for the guy you have this strong attraction to, or cut all ties with the other guy and stay with him. Passion will probably fade with the other guy. Whether you realize it or not the forbidden fruit always seems jucier than it is. No one can make your decision for you, but you should make it fast!!

[IndiReloaded]

Break up w/your BF. Clearly you aren't THAT into him. He sounds like a nice guy who deserves a girl who will love him completely.

[kageri]

If you can end up attracted to someone else what is going to keep it from happening again in the future? Obviously you don't have enough feelings for your boyfriend for this relationship to last even if you avoid the temptation this time.

[reeba]

You need to break up with your bf OR you need to stop being in contact with your 'temptation'. You can't have them both.

If the issue really is that you are unhappy with your current relationship. Then get out so you are free to find someone new. Do not be starting another relationship while still in the current relationship, hoping to fall back onto your dependable stable bf if the rbound guy doesnt work out

[Wakeup]

Human nature dictates that even while we are in a relationship, we will still always find ourselves attracted to another. It doesn't mean you don't really love your current partner just because you find yourself attracted to someone else. The test is in how you handle your attraction. If you do indeed love your current, then you will take the necessary steps to avoid being around him (the other dude) and you will re-direct your "craving" for the other guy back to your SO.

If you don't learn how to control your human sexual response, then you're going to find yourself in many unsatisfactory relationships based on sexual attraction and not much more. Those types of relationships often end when the honeymoon period is over and you find that you'd don't have much else in common and the sex alone can't sustain the bond

Think wisely here because what you decide now is important. You may be going through relationship breakup pain often if you can't fight your natural attraction to others.

[LaMb ChOp]

I was in a similar situation afew months ago, although I was married to the nice stable guy! I actually ended my marriage, not to form any kind of relationship with the guy I was immensely attracted to, but because I knew in my heart that having such strong feelings of attraction for another guy, whilst only looking at my husband as someone I could rely on etc, not someone I was actually attracted to in any way, was no good thing! I knew that it would tear me apart staying in a marriage of convenience if you like, and that eventually I would give in to the strong feelings of attraction I was having and I'm certainly not the type to cheat! Yes it's natural to fancy other people when you're in a relationship, no matter how good the relationship is, but what concerns me is the way in which you describe your boyfriend. I don't think your relationship is going to work as I don't think he is giving you all that you want.

[surgarmuffin24]

This boy I've fallen for outside of my relationship was renting a room in the house I'm living in, and has (thank god) moved out now. The timing was the shittiest part. He arrived just a few days after I went on my first date with my current boyfriend, so I was caught between them in a weird sort of way for awhile. Your advice has given me a good sense of confirmation. I recently cut the ties with the boy I fell for, his situation (and the dynamic between us) seemed urgent and at the least unskillful. I also opened up to my current boyfriend about it, he has been supportive, perhaps more than I deserve. I've been feeling some heart ache about it still, but I'm suffering through and seeing where it leads me. I'd rather not enter into anything with him (other guy) while things are (although less intense sexually) going really well with my current boyfriend and I'm not willing to **** things up, like you said, and string my boyfriend along in a shitty way.

[Wakeup]

Way to go: Good luck with it all.

Remember: Always logic it out because it's too hard to make a wise choice when you're not using your mind.