my girlfriend was raped, help!

[nch713]

my girlfriend told me she was raped by the guy that cuts her grass before we got together. his main job is a law enforcement officer. she doesn't want to report it. is there anything i can do convince her to report it, or even to report it for her? i probably won't report it for her, she might deny it. i wouldnt say she's traumatized, but she doesnt think clearly. she thinks that it is somehow her fault for "leading him on" ???

[Deeza07]

How long ago did this happen? Reporting it is usually best way to go about it, but its probably too late for them to do the testing they need to do....I think counselling would be her best bet, and make sure she knows you are there for her. If she needs to have a cry, comfort her...if she needs to vent, let her...just hear her out and don't try and fix it...its something she needs to work through, and something she will need your support for. It is definitely not her fault, no means no...no matter if she was kissing him or whatever - no one has the right to do what he did to her. Don't push her into reporting it, just try and support her in the decisions she makes...good luck to you...

[nch713]

Thanks for your advice Deeza. I don't wish this upon anyone. As much of a sex fiend as I'm sure guys can be, how can a man not have any self control? UGH!

[smackie9]

She might not be telling you the whole truth. There's a possibility she did have sex with this guy but it wasn't forced.....she might be embarrassed about it, that is all. Sometimes girls call it rape to cover up what had turned out to be a bad choice. Rape is traumatic, and her reaction to it doesn't seem to match a person that was. Too late to report it now, BUT if she was under age for consent, she can still report it as statutory rape....and that would sure as hell mess up his career providing it did happen.

Now I'm not saying she was or wasn't, I'm just putting out there some possibilities. YOU are only going by what she is telling you, and in some cases what you are told isn't what really happened.

[Wakeup]

A cop that cuts grass part time. (???) First thing I'd do is find out if that's the truth because that sounds more like a lie than her being raped by him.

[smackie9]

Another scenario is that he threatened her telling her he was a cop and she better do as he says.....that would sound more like the act of a pedofile.

[MerryH]

my girlfriend told me she was raped by the guy that cuts her grass before we got together. his main job is a law enforcement officer. she doesn't want to report it. is there anything i can do convince her to report it, or even to report it for her? i probably won't report it for her, she might deny it. i wouldnt say she's traumatized, but she doesnt think clearly. she thinks that it is somehow her fault for "leading him on" ???

It's nice that you want to help her, but you need to leave this up to her. All you can do is be supportive of whatever she chooses to do. Reporting a rape can make the experience a lot more traumatic. I mean, look at the responses in this thread that imply she's lying about something. Does that give you an idea of what might happen if she reports it? Defending yourself against accusations of being a liar after you've been assaulted like that would be terribly difficult and painful.

On the surface, yes, reporting it would be ideal, but there are repercussions to doing that and I can understand why someone would rather just deal with it privately and move on. OP, this isn't your battle to fight. Don't make it about you.