How to be less passive to the girl I like?

[figureofspeech]

Hi,

I still like my ex and she knows it, I'm very open about my feelings towards her and basically I've been wanting to get her back for awhile - she's one of my closest friends too, and she said she may like me more if i was "less passive" as she said "the problem is your too passive when you're with me" -- what does this mean though? how can i be less passive then? it's clearly not my emotions and feelings as I'm very open about that, so what is it, and how can I change this?

Thanks

A.

[zerokool189]

Does she make all the decisions?

[ConniptionFit]

She's one of those girls who needs drama in her life. If you want her, don't treat her well. This will create the drama and tension she needs.

[figureofspeech]

Thanks for the quick replies, i didn't know where else to go !

Does she make all the decisions?

We'll I don't see her that much, she isn't bossy or anything, it's just I don't mind doing what she wants to do -- and recently (not as much just now) she has been "if i want to see you, ill make plans with you" so it's not like i can really make plans with her - but when I'm with her, we usually chill out, or see a movie (sometimes at my idea-- "lets go see a movie tonight, come on it'll be good, etc, etc. and we always get along when we are together) or it's purely sexual so i'm not sure how i can be "less passive" when there isn't a huge amount of decision-making going on.

She's one of those girls who needs drama in her life. If you want her, don't treat her well. This will create the drama and tension she needs.

Actually, she hates drama and will just ignore basically anything to do with it.. If i started to get dramatic over anything, she'd probably ignore me or people that cause drama she'll stop talking to them.

I'm just so confused, I don't want to over ask her these questions because I'm trying to get back to the level of being really close friends (its close) and not keep pushing in this relationship stuff because it might push her away, i just need to be able to work it out on my own by somehow being "less passive"?
I don't know what to do, I've been with other people and i just want to be with her.. At least give it another go.

[zerokool189]

man, there are tons of girls out there. You will find one that doesn't care if you are passive or assertive. I'd leave this girl alone.

[devonbrown]

If you are unsure about what her definition of passive is, you have to ask her.

Basically, it sounds like she wants you to ask her out more or make more decisions, etc. Basically, she wants you to stop talking about things and start doing things. Or else she is just making up excuses as to why she doesn't want to be with you.

Good luck.

[elves235]

My girl broke up with me and one of the reason was that I was passive. She meaned I didn't do anything. I didn't kiss her when it was the right time and I didn't xxx her. That's kind of suck right

[Mathias]

You're not going to get her back. If you're more aggressive, she won't like it, because she'll think you're putting on a show.

You'll have to move on, but learn from it.

[Jenswaiting]

If I were to tell a man that I was intimate with that he was passive it would mean:
-he doesn't make decisions easily
-he is too interested in pleasing me and always says yes or agrees with everything I say (we don't really want our man to say yes all the time...if you do we think you don't have a backbone)

Are you too "nice"? Nice is good, but if you go overboard it can be perceived as being passive.

As for the previous comment about drama...that's a load of crap. Women don't want drama, we want a man who knows what he wants and goes after it with no reservations.

[cheeky&sexy]

To me it sounds like shes trying to say that you're not that active when you're together and maybe show a lack of caring. For example, when you are together how often would u see her? Some people obviously like to see their partners more often than the other.. so for example if u were wanting to see her only 2 or 3 times a week.. if she is a person who likes to see their partner at least 5 days a week she might think you're too passive. It could also be another way of dumping you because you're too nice and are the submissive one in the relationship. Maybe if you're not already, she wants u as the guy to play a more dominant role rather than passive/submissive.

[Ugly_Idiot]

If she wants you to be more of something, then she's not worth it.

Find a girl who's gonna like you for your qualities, where you dont need to change.

Sounds like she want's quite a dominant male, someone who will say whats happening, make decisions and be proactive.

[eo_ih]

Most girls want a man to make decisions and be physically dominant, dude. They very rarely take the initiative, for various reasons. It sounds like a complicated and embarrassing situation in your case, since you've already spilled your guts out to her (very unattractive) so forget it, but in future have some balls and basically "take her". Touch her, kiss her, etc... don't ask to, don't wait for her to ask you to or make a move herself. Just do that shit, and at least pretend to be confident.

And be decisive and in control in other areas. It can take practice at first - I'm a pathetic beta male, like yourself, but I can pretend to be the boss for a while.