Am I Wrong?

[EmptyChurch]

Recently I started talking to several of my girlfriend's friends on facebook. I got bored one day so I went through her friend's list and added people that I thought were interesting. I added both guys and girls. At first she didn't seem to mind. Some of her friends did though I guess.

There are two people I talk to quite a bit from her friend's list... One is a girl who I admit I have a small crush on. I don't plan on meeting this girl in person (even though she has asked me to come and see her almost two hours away, but our conversations get very flirty. She's the one that usually starts it though... I called her a tease and she said she wasn't a tease. I told her to prove it and send me a pic of herself. So she did... a topless pic.

I told my girlfriend about this and she got really pissed off. I only told her because I was trying to be honest. I didn't want to hide it from her. But she did' really appreciate my honesty. I offered to show her the pic and she didn't want to see that either. We got in our first real fight over this. She's not the jealous type so I didn't think it would bother her much. But she told me I was acting like a pig and being tacky. She also said there are millions of women on fb that I can flirt with and get sexy pics from, why can't I just leave her friends alone? I friended some of her friends because they are part of her life, and I want to be part of her life, that's all.

The other person I talk to a lot on her friend's list is a guy. He's in a band which is looking for a guitarist. I plan on trying out. Thing is... My girlfriend's husband used to be in the same band. (Yes, my girl is married, but it's a poly marriage. She has me and her husband also has a girlfriend.) So, her husband used to be in this band, and he is still good friends with all the guys in the band. My girlfriend seemed annoyed that I want to try out... I asked her why, and she said because lines are being crossed that shouldn't be. I don't know what that means.

Some of her friends have tried to warn her that my behavior is controlling. They think I need to back off... People have told her they are worried for her. I don't see that I've done anything wrong. Yes, I shouldn't have told her about the picture, but other then that I think I am Innocent in this.

SO I'm here asking you all what you think? Does anyone have any right to be upset with me here?

[surfhb]

Shes married and pissed you're flirting with other guys? Tell her to **** off !
Pretty basic.

[VincenzoG91]

Yeah, she's a big old hypocrite, and you would probably be better off with your very own girlfriend, not taking some other dude's leftovers.

Aside from that, you are still wrong. Friending her facebook friends without talking to her first is very pushy and obnoxious, borderline stalker behavior really. And joining her husband's former band when he is still friends with them... it really seems like you are deliberately looking for trouble. What is wrong with you?

[EmptyChurch]

Shes married and pissed you're flirting with other guys? Tell her to **** off !
Pretty basic.

Guys...? I'm not flirting with guys.

And she's not pissed that I flirted with someone else. She's pissed that I flirted with a friend of hers. SHe knows I flirt with other women and it doesn't bother her... just when it's her friends.

Don't you know what Poly means...? it means her and her husband openly have relationships outside of marriage. She's sharing me with someone else too. I am also in an open relationship.

And no, I won't tell her to **** off. I love her and that isn't how I talk to people I love.

[EmptyChurch]

Yeah, she's a big old hypocrite, and you would probably be better off with your very own girlfriend, not taking some other dude's leftovers.

Aside from that, you are still wrong. Friending her facebook friends without talking to her first is very pushy and obnoxious, borderline stalker behavior really. And joining her husband's former band when he is still friends with them... it really seems like you are deliberately looking for trouble. What is wrong with you?

I already have my own girlfriend... But I also have her. It's explained a little better in my last post. I do think she over reacted about the picture of her friend, but I don't think that makes her a "big old hypocrite."

I wasn't looking for trouble when I friended anyone. I just don't get why people are worried about her and think I'm being controlling.

[VincenzoG91]

I wasn't looking for trouble when I friended anyone. I just don't get why people are worried about her and think I'm being controlling.

Forcing your way farther into her life than she wants is pushy and controlling. Knock it off. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then that's part of the problem... you don't understand people in general. I expect that eventually somebody is going to kick your ass and you still won't understand why.

[EmptyChurch]

Forcing your way farther into her life than she wants is pushy and controlling. Knock it off. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then that's part of the problem... you don't understand people in general. I expect that eventually somebody is going to kick your ass and you still won't understand why.

Maybe I don't understand people that well... I never thought of this as being pushy and controlling. That doesn't mean I'm saying it isn't... I just never thought I was acting that way.

So what should I do now... unfriend them?

[zerokool189]

I don't think you have to unfriend them. I don't have much experience with your type of relationship, so I don't really know the rules or set boundaries (if there are any).

She might get the impression that you are trying to fill her husbands shoes? Just a thought. There are tons of bands looking for guitarists, check craigslist and the boards in front of guitar center!

[bluesummer]

Um, why isn't she more upset that her friend sent you a picture of herself topless?

[EmptyChurch]

Um, why isn't she more upset that her friend sent you a picture of herself topless?

I think she is... but that's between them.

Since then I started watching what I say to this friend of hers.

[kageri]

Poly relationships are difficult partially because most of the time people don't want each person they are involved with being a part of everything in their life. Many keep each relationship a little separate to avoid problems. Things get very complicated very quickly when partners and friends are dating other partners and friends. Even with regular relationships a lot of people don't want their partner being friends with all of their friends because they feel like they have nothing of their own or any space. There's also the difficulty of breaking up with someone who shares all the same friends. My sister ran in to the problem once. She decided to date a long time friend who was friends with all the same people and then it ended badly. She lost not only him but all her friends to his side and had to start over.

[surfhb]

Guys...? I'm not flirting with guys.

And she's not pissed that I flirted with someone else. She's pissed that I flirted with a friend of hers. SHe knows I flirt with other women and it doesn't bother her... just when it's her friends.

Don't you know what Poly means...? it means her and her husband openly have relationships outside of marriage. She's sharing me with someone else too. I am also in an open relationship.

And no, I won't tell her to **** off. I love her and that isn't how I talk to people I love.

Sorry....I meant girls. To me, if I were in an open relationship, all options would be open. But I guess you do need to respect her wishes just out of respect. Personally, I don't know how one can love another person which you know will never be yours? You will always take 2 nd place to her husband. Don't you feel kind of like a chump knowing she will never love you with all her heart ? Just saying

[clumsypanda]

I'm not really sure I understand the nature of your relationship, however just in general, it seems like you are making yourself a bigger part of her life than she wants you to be right this minute. I think you should not be adding her friends to talk to them. If she wanted you to talk to them and see that part of her life, she will introduce you to her friends. Some girls don't like their social life and their romantic life to join unless they are very serious with the guy. I think she is probably upset because you are basically rushing this process. You need to let it happen more naturally. Also, about the husband, I have never been in a poly marriage, but if I were to be in one, I definitely wouldn't want my boyfriend to be around people who are around my husband. I feel like I would want my husband and my boyfriend to be separate parts of my life. But that is just me, I don't know if your girl feels the same. But it could be why she doesn't want you joining the band. So all in all I don't think you did something WRONG in general, I just think it was a little too soon for your particular relationship/girl. Also, just stop talking to the girl who sent you the picture haha. She obviously wants you and if you don't want to dive into that pool, then don't walk near it haha. Now if you do want to.... that's a different story!

[VincenzoG91]

This poly stuff is even trickier than normal relationship stuff. A close friend of mine had a poly girlfriend who was married to another guy. Their marriage was supposedly an open relationship, but the reality is that she had an easier time hooking up than her husband. So whenever her husband wasn't getting any action on the side, she would have to stop her side activities so he wouldn't have hurt feelings. Some poly types like to brag about how much better their relationships are compared to normal ones, but I think they're downplaying the bad and complicated aspects rather than admit them.

[vertical_sky]

Are ya still married?