Don't know if i want to marry anymore...

[smackie9]

Solved for me......(note to one self, not bother with this post anymore).

[doppelgaenger]

The college kids are out of school...

And some of them graduated with a MA in linguistics.

I'm going back to my corner to read something worthwhile now.

[Kadie30]

I just came on this forum to get advice from others.. I got some positive and most just being rude.. The issue isn't resolved, not one bit and I read and thought about the advice and opinions giving.. Just because he posted on my forum doesn't mean the issue is resolved. We live together. I was just asking how do a man allow a friend to disrespect their spouse but want to still want to support the friend and don't want to own up that the friend is just flat out wrong. How do woman feel when in a relationship and something of the sort happens how do you feel about that person standing at the alter with you, your spouse, and your children. Like I said other than that we have no other issues. Just this friend. That was the initial question...

[surfhb]

Hey...just think? Your're not even married yet.

Marriage is compromise when there are disagreements. Someone needs to eat shit on this one and it sounds like your future hubby is it.

[MaidenMinx]

Yes family is important. If my man ever told me to choose between him and my best friend I would kick him in the teeth for being an ultimatum making arse hole. Ultimatums get you no where.

A 15 year friendship is pretty rare. This is his BEST friend. When I got together with my man he told me there was one person who he would never give up for a gf, and that's his best mate. A lot of guys feel like this about their best mates. I'm sure there is some reason why this guy is your fiances best mate and the more you criticise him the worse things will be for you.

Around the time my son was 18 months old my finaces family showed me their true colours and I spent a lot of time resenting them and complaining about them to my man. The more I complained the more tension there was between him and I. I eventually realised what a strain I was putting on him and I, so I started being as civil as possible with his family. I still don't like them but my fiance and I don't argue about them any more.

I think it is obvious this guy isn't going anywhere. I think it'd be best if you resolve yourself to accept that.

[surfhb]

Yep....and Im not advocating your future husband stop his friendship... just demand he never come to the house after the wedding. Compromise! He can still hang out with the guy once in awhile

[HeartIsAching]

other than that we have no other issues. Just this friend.

You've GOT to be kidding.

[Kadie30]

You've GOT to be kidding.

Since you know sooo much.. What other issues we have?? What? the name calling?? The name calling we do to eachother is in the mist of a arrangement about HIS FRIEND! READ THE POST! We have not other issues other than when this friends name is mentioned and when it's mentioned we argue like it's WW11 up in here.. Other than that we have no issues.. He don't walk around the house spontaneously calling me names and neither do I.. When we argue about his friend is when things are brought out about us that we didn't even know we both had in us.. We have that much anger when it comes to this friend. That's why I said the friend is a issue and while we argue and call each other names... He sits back and laughed.. Literally laughs in my face. Once again.. WHY?? would anyone want someone like that to be in their wedding.. There is nothing more nothing less about the situation. We both pay our bills, work, travel, have family time, etc... But then we go to a cookout or something and someone is saying "hey your friend said this, and that, about you and your woman" this is everyyyy time.. and WE end up arguing.

[smackie9]

I'm in a 21 year relationship and I know how important things like RESPECT, communication, sacrifice and compromise are. You need to take the blinders off. The issue doesn't lie within this friend, the issue lies within your fiance.

There is no need for him to end this friendship, it's all a matter for him to tell his friend that he needs to change his behaviour and make sure he does or the friendship is over.....simple as that. If your fiance would rather ignore this issue, then my advice to you is to seek out marriage counseling BEFORE you get married.

[smackie9]

I just came on this forum to get advice from others.. I got some positive and most just being rude.. The issue isn't resolved, not one bit and I read and thought about the advice and opinions giving.. Just because he posted on my forum doesn't mean the issue is resolved. We live together. I was just asking how do a man allow a friend to disrespect their spouse but want to still want to support the friend and don't want to own up that the friend is just flat out wrong. How do woman feel when in a relationship and something of the sort happens how do you feel about that person standing at the alter with you, your spouse, and your children. Like I said other than that we have no other issues. Just this friend. That was the initial question...

OK here's my final answer. Men don't do what your fiance is doing. When a man is truly in love, his woman comes first. He protects her, supports her and respects her. Your fiance is disrespecting you and your relationship......he values his friendship more than you don't you get it? That's why you are getting insults here because you are insane if you marry this guy.

[HeartIsAching]

Since you know sooo much.. What other issues we have?? What? the name calling?? The name calling we do to eachother is in the mist of a arrangement about HIS FRIEND! READ THE POST! We have not other issues other than when this friends name is mentioned and when it's mentioned we argue like it's WW11 up in here.. Other than that we have no issues.. He don't walk around the house spontaneously calling me names and neither do I.. When we argue about his friend is when things are brought out about us that we didn't even know we both had in us.. We have that much anger when it comes to this friend. That's why I said the friend is a issue and while we argue and call each other names... He sits back and laughed.. Literally laughs in my face. Once again.. WHY?? would anyone want someone like that to be in their wedding.. There is nothing more nothing less about the situation. We both pay our bills, work, travel, have family time, etc... But then we go to a cookout or something and someone is saying "hey your friend said this, and that, about you and your woman" this is everyyyy time.. and WE end up arguing.

That is completely incorrect. Name calling is emotional abuse, and is a problem in and of itself. Using his friend as an excuse for name-calling is blaming your fiancee's friend for your abuse. Take ownership of your abuse, and he should take ownership of his.

The fact that you're attempting to control his outcome as regards to his friend is abusive as well. You're controlling and unwilling to compromise. The fact that he's allowing a friend of his to speak to and touch you inappropriately is also abusive. The fact that neither one of you is mature enough to discuss things without whining, complaining, shouting and name-calling is telling. You two have lots of problems, and if you wish to remain a couple with ANY hope of long-term success, you should seek couples counseling, as well as individual counseling for both of you in regards to behaviors you've learned that are inappropriately abusive.