I caved in.

[DarkHelmet82]

I agree with a lot that you say, as you can see by the 'thanks'.. for some of us, our posts are changing over time.. but at least for me, I will still be here to help the ones that fall right back into the quicksand (as I have also done) and it would be nice to not be contradicted on everything I say...

i feel the same way

[IndiReloaded]

I'm countering your opinion with one of my own. One that has been used to help people heal successfully for many, many years. You reply to what I have said then afford me the same priveledge, eh?

I do not mean anything personal to you in general. Don't take it that way. You think you help by patting on the back and such which is nice at first.. IMO but not for ever. As I said, there comes a time when you just have to accept an move on because if you don't you'll just take longer to get to the point where you'd like to meet someone who will love you back the way you can love them. Nas pa?

How many years? You don't seem that old.

[that one guy]

I'm not exactly going to post the whole conversation word by word but I'll sum it up. I first asked her if she minded if she hopped on Skype or something because some things needed to be said. She said she does mind because she's busy at work and told me to just type it out in texts. I told her I didn't irk or provoke anyone to act against her the way that they did (her friends siding with me). I respect her entirely for wanting me to delete her old friend. She doesn't want me turning her against her. I told her she took, both, a piece of me now and a piece of me back when we first met. I told her that I can't change her feelings and that I respect her new wishes. I have no intentions of intruding. She said she doesn't need to be stressed out by me. That the only person she can turn to when she's stressed is the new guy she's going to be with. She told me to stop texting her because she has other things to worry about. She said she still has feelings for me in one way or another but her heart is set on bettering herself and someone else. I told her I understood and am not suggesting anything because of the circumstances but all I was asking was if we could lay it all out completely so I can have some closure. I told her I still have genuine feelings for her and care about her. I don't like how things ended. I don't want to be grouped with her asshole exes nor do I want to group her with mine. She said she understood. I said there were reasons that I've been distant and she probably knows why.

This is what I was referring to before. She said she can't stress this enough but I just wasn't what she was looking for in someone. She didn't want be harsh but that's why she drifted. She wasn't happy and she wasn't going to settle. She apologized and at one point, she just wanted to be friends and that's what she wants now. I told her I understood why she drifted as I analyzed a lot after she left. I told her we both had problems and, while we were happy at one point, our problems eventually clashed. It was inevitable considering how fast we took things. I told her I wasn't going to shift blame because we both made mistakes. I didn't want to stress her out considering what's going on over there right now. She said I don't but she just hates where she is right now and wants to get out asap. I told her I knew she did and I'm sure life here wasn't much better but there were lots of friends here so it was easier. She agreed saying the only friends she has over there are an hour away. I then told her I had plans to send her something that could brighten her day, even for a little bit. I asked when she moved. She disregarded the whole idea of me sending her something, didn't even acknowledge it.

She said that the new guy is going to visit her in July and she's moving back with him in September. I told her that sounded nice and wished her the best. Asked her when she got off work. She said thanks and said she already got off. I inquired about some other random stuff. When she about to leave, she wanted me to burn files off my laptop onto CDs for her. I labeled a couple of folders that housed everything else something along the lines of, "You'll always be gorgeous to me." and a lyric from one of the songs she loved. I asked if she got all the files alright. She said she did and she saw the two folders. Heh. I said, eh, sorry about that. She said there's no need to apologize. Told her I may be moving out of this house within the month and she said lucky you. She talked about how crazy her house is recently. Then we talked about her brother who's going through some tough times. She says she's actually quitting smoking. I apologized about it all but reassured that she would be out of there before she knows it.

I inquired about her dog whom she left. She said he's alright but that he likes her dad more than he used to. I commented about the time she left him and that he probably had a trollface on. She laughed and asked how I was. I told her I was doing alright. Still working out and doing everything. Also that I start my new job tomorrow. She said nice and said she was going to go work out and watch some tv. We discussed some show we watched together. I asked how much working out she can do and she is topping me right now. She said she was walking 3 miles a day and I commented on how my workout routine usually goes.

That's where it ends. She didn't reply after that. I know I said I wasn't going to write it all out but... there you go. It has hurt but now, I can't really be upset considering she wasn't happy. How can I be mad at her for trying to go get herself happy? She is very, very excited about this new guy. Sure, it hurts and I don't know if we're at the point of talking regularly or anything but... there was some closure. It helped.

[Wakeup]

I have to ask if there was "closure and it helped" then why did your opening post sound like you dreaded having done it? That you wanted to "kick yourself" For doing so? Why the "drama?" Have you become addicted to the responses you get in this sub forum? Yea.. I'm a bitch but I be that way to make you think.

Sure, it hurts and I don't know if we're at the point of talking regularly or anything but... there was some closure.

Why would you want to talk regularily? Particularily when she told you this:

She told me to stop texting her because she has other things to worry about.

Stop texting her and see if she really wants to be "friends" (just or otherwise). Friends don't leave all the reaching out one sided.. they initiate the convos sometimes.

[Purrzzzzzz]

I have to ask if there was "closure and it helped" then why did your opening post sound like you dreaded having done it? That you wanted to "kick yourself" For doing so? Why the "drama?" Have you become addicted to the responses you get in this sub forum? Yea.. I'm a bitch but I be that way to make you think.

Why would you want to talk regularily? Particularily when she told you this: Stop texting her and see if she really wants to be "friends" (just or otherwise). Friends don't leave all the reaching out one sided.. they initiate the convos sometimes.

*sigh* again.. why say anything..

[Wakeup]

Because he's not letting go. And not saying anything is enabling him to stagnate in his progress of getting over her, that's why.

[flynhayn]

Wakeup is dead on, everybody. Look, I know it's nice to talk to others that make you feel better about a decision or action that may have been a little misguided, but you won't learn from them. I usually try to be sympathetic with people in these situations (as I've gone through this stuff a lot myself) but sometimes the only way we can get the message is if it's blunt and honest. Stop trying to justify the sorrow and listen to what Wakeup and some others are trying to say.

When it's over, accept it... even if there's no closure. You need to realize that you can give yourself closure without asking the other person a damn thing. Breaking NC was a bad idea and you obviously felt shitty for doing it right afterwards, so regardless of her response you need to make sure you learn from this. Just from my experience, breaking NC is murder to your progress and will take you back to square one. Yes, it sometimes gives you answers to the extremely frustrating questions you've been wondering about the whole time, but does that really matter? It's still over. In the end, that's still gonna be the biggest obstacle to get past. And yes, there is always the possibility of reconciliation in the future, but it's dumb to try and kick it into gear yourself. If it's supposed to happen, it needs to happen on it's own. If you don't let it, you WILL ruin it and maybe even kill the chance of it happening altogether. Either way, interfering with time in these cases is a 100% guarantee of failure somewhere. You need to move for now and let some emotional growth happen. This can usually take a couple of years to do correctly. Sucks, I know.... but worth it.

So as stated before, use this time to concentrate on YOU and ONLY YOU. Bust ass to move up in your career goals or start getting involved with hobbies you couldn't before.... etc. There's a lot of things that can significantly improve your life when you're single so don't waste this opportunity. And if later on down the road fate smiles upon you guys and things with the ex pick up, you'll be in a much better state of mind, you'll be a better person, and you'll be able to make way better decisions. Just man up and deal with all the pain now so it doesn't linger around later. I had to do it myself a few times, and trust me.... it never fails.

[nathan joseph]

Be stong cut that cord..the pain is temporary