Wife and ex...

[marriedman]

So I let her visit an ex who was in the counrty in DC which is about 3 hours away. They shared a hotel.... and a bed. I told her before she left that I would forgive her for whatever she did. I knew she loved him and when he joined the military 9 years ago, she was heartbroken. She was only 17-18 when they dated, so I think it was puppy love, but ya know...

When she got back, I asked her for every detail. Wish I kinda wouldnt have now because she told me they had sex and alot of it. I told her that I forgive her and that I wouldnt have let her go if I wasnt secure with it.

Now I am wondering was I wrong for doing this? We have a great relationship, and do everything together. She is a very attractive women and works out a lot and I worry she will find someone better all the time.

What do I need to do now? Just let it go seems to be the option. But what about for her? Is there something going on in her head that I need to look out for? Maybe now she has a taste of "cheating" and will want more? I know I messed up, but whats done is done.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You have to let it go now, you excused it, prior to it happening. You could also divorce her, and say you were just seeing what she would do given the freedom. You are correct that she will find someone better than you, since that very attitude makes you a shell of a man. You really should just divorce her since anyone who would even ask permission to go stay at a hotel with an ex, is probably a whore anyway, and at the very least, doesn't love you.

[pisces25]

I think you have pretty much given her an open ticket for an open marriage.

[misombra]

she has no love or respect for you.

[devonbrown]

Yeah... you sorta screwed yourself on this one. I think the open marriage suggestion might be the only one that makes any sense at this point. Otherwise, it isn't her cheating that you have to worry about, it is her starting to disrespect you for letting her sleep with her ex.

[IncognitoSir]

I hop this guy is a troll. No one in their right mind would tell their wife to she can go share a hotel with another man and do WHATEVER she wants and you'll forgive her. Are you serious right now?

[VincenzoG91]

Cool story, bro!

[marriedman]

I hop this guy is a troll. No one in their right mind would tell their wife to she can go share a hotel with another man and do WHATEVER she wants and you'll forgive her. Are you serious right now?

Troll? lol. Like the creature under a bridge? Not sure what your meaning is.

Anyways, there were a few post gave me a little advice and I appreciate it.

And to "cool story, bro" fellow, Im notcha bro.

[steviej]

Just 'wow'

How can you live with her knowing the details you know! I wouldn't be able to look at her without feeling revulsion and disgust.

Gather up your self respect and get rid of her. Stop being a doormat.

[kageri]

My husband would probably let me do something like that. I'm not sure whether I'd do it or not but I would not suddenly start cheating on him from it. I do not think it's a gurantee of cheating or any problem in the marriage. If you are concerned talk to her about it but some people can handle these things just fine. If she's happy in the relationship why would she suddenly start cheating? This was just an exception and you knew that when you told her to go.

[steviej]

Sorry, I don't understand... why would your husband allow you to do something like that?! What kind of a person can happily let the person they love go to a hotel, meet another man, spend the night getting pummelled and then not feel destroyed when they return?

She'd be shown the door for wanting to go through with it! Clearly has no respect or love for her husband to do something like that to him.

[Wakeup]

There are hundreds of thousands of people in the world that are quite secure in their primary relationship to allow the one they have chosen as a life mate to see others sexually. Not everyone considers monogamy the only dynamic to a loving and committed pair bond. Google polyamory and get educated. I myself am monogamous but that doesn't mean I don't understand the other dynamic.

The problem I see here is that op seems to have just given in to his wife's desires without having the security that he needs in their relationship to accept what's she's done.

OP: You need to sit down and talk to your wife and make sure you set some boundaaries to your union now that she agrees not to cross. Don't just hope that she will know what you're feeling and worrying about. Don't give her that excuse to meet with him whenever she can until she eventually falls back in love with him and you become the one she visits occasionally in a sexual way.

Get it cleared up with precise boundaries as to what is and is not acceptable.

[kageri]

People who are comfortable in their relationship, fully trusting of each other, and not of a possessive personality can often handle sharing their partner on a limited basis. Plenty of couples fully respect and care about each other but allow sex with other people and remain together totally happy. Plenty of couples have a solid enough relationship to let an event like this happen once or twice and continue on with no issues. Just because you can't doesn't mean they can't.

[Wakeup]

She doesn't respect you anymore.

Really? Did she tell you that?

[Gratedwasabi]

Eh? What are you asking?

You gave her permission. So she did. And from the sounds of it, loved it. Probably more than she's ever enjoyed sex with you.

Cross your fingers and pray he wore a condom while she took it from him, again and again... although he probably didn't wear one.