Moving from "Hanging Out" phase to "Officially Dating" phase

[Whereyo]

A little bit of background information:

Me: I dated a girl for 2 years while in college, but we broke up nearly 3 years ago now. I've had a couple of "flings" since then, but no serious relationships necessarily, just casually dating various girls here and there. I'm more of a shy/quiet guy until I feel comfortable with the people I'm around.

Her: She was in a relationship previously with a guy who didn't treat her very well, and when we first met last year this was something that clearly held her back. She typically dates "the bad boy type," but is tired of being hurt/disappointed by them. She is also the shy/quiet type.

Like I said, when we first met last year, she had recently gotten out of a bad relationship with a guy didn't treat her right. We went out, but things just didn't click. We texted back and forth for a little while, but I caught her hint that she wasn't ready and left her alone rather than push the subject. Fast-forward 9 months or so, and she randomly texts me and ask how I am doing, and if we can possibly hang out sometime. We go out on a couple of dates, and things are definitely different than last time. She even invited me over to her families Memorial Day party to meet and hangout with her family, which went great.

We typically hang out a couple of times a week, 3 or so, and either go to the movies/watch a movie at home, or go out and do something. We normally share a couple of long kisses before either of us have to leave for the night, with the occasional kiss here and there throughout our time together. This has been going on for 3 weeks to a month, and we are surely getting more comfortable around each other.

Considering both of us are more of the shy type, I find it difficult to move things along without feeling too pushy. It's not like I feel she is going to reject me or anything, I just don't want to disrespect her in any way considering her last boyfriend didn't treat her right, but I also don't want to not do anything and give her the impression I'm not interested in her, because I definitely am.

Now onto my question, how should I go about making this girl my girlfriend? This is where I always fall short in past relationships, I wait, and wait, and wait, till it's too late then it's a chase to make it up. I REALLY don't want to do that this time. Do I resort to the method used in 7th grade and ask her "Do you want to be my girlfriend?", or what do I do/say? I know this sounds silly, but I always seem to stutter at this step, but I hope not to this time.

Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[ShellyZ]

Do you two ever spend the night together? I don't necessarily mean sex, just sleeping together in the same bed, waking up together. I find that's usually the best time for this kind of conversation, when you're cuddling in bed together and talking. You could say something along the lines of "Are we exclusive?" Her response will let you know if she's open to the possibility.

[Whereyo]

Do you two ever spend the night together? I don't necessarily mean sex, just sleeping together in the same bed, waking up together. I find that's usually the best time for this kind of conversation, when you're cuddling in bed together and talking. You could say something along the lines of "Are we exclusive?" Her response will let you know if she's open to the possibility.

Thanks for the reply.

No, we have not yet spent the night together . It's somewhat difficult because I live with my parents temporarily after moving home from college. She, on the other hand, does live with her friend, but my parents would be sort of curious if I wasn't home when they left for work in the morning. So my house isn't really an option, but her's is I guess. However, she hasn't invited me to stay the night, although some nights we stay together at her place till 4:30am or so just talking/cuddling on the couch.

[ShellyZ]

Then talk to her about it then, during talking/cuddling time. As an aside, surely your parents understand that you are an adult and you have relationships with girls? Would they not understand if you spent the night at a friend's house?

[Boisdevie]

If you've been spending so much time together yet you've only kissed and cuddled I'd be worried. Why have you not had sex yet? And asking somebody to be my GF/BF is just lame. It normally just happens.

[sadie_genie]

Just talk to her about it. Asking someone to be gf/bf isn't lame and it doesn't just happen. If a guy doesn't bring it up, I assume we are not together therefore I can keep my options open.

You don't want to wait until too late because she will assume you are not really into her or afraid of commitment. BUT she might reject you since she has emotional baggage. So, give her some time to think about it.

[Whereyo]

Just talk to her about it. Asking someone to be gf/bf isn't lame and it doesn't just happen. If a guy doesn't bring it up, I assume we are not together therefore I can keep my options open.

You don't want to wait until too late because she will assume you are not really into her or afraid of commitment. BUT she might reject you since she has emotional baggage. So, give her some time to think about it.

Thank you! That's exactly the type of advice I was looking for.

[MaidenMinx]

I have never understood this 'dating' phase stuff. My current and I spent 8 months as friends, a week hanging out as much as we could, a few hours kissing and that night he called me his girlfriend in conversation. Personally I wouldn't spend weeks kissing a guy without finding out what he wanted. Then again I realised early that guys are just as confusing as women (yes I have tried relationships with both) and the best way to find things out is be direct.

Maybe instead of saying 'do you want to be my girlfriend?' try 'do you mind if I start calling you my girlfriend?' Surely you've talked about her, and calling her your girlfriend would make things easier. This opens the gate for her to tell you what she wants. But you do need to open a dialogue about it. I'd say by now she wants you to be official. The fact that she waits until you are about to leave to kiss you is a big sign of that. I think the sitting on the couch til 4.30 is also a sign that she would like you to make more of a move. It's time to shit or get off the pot, as my nan used to say.

[Whereyo]

Maybe instead of saying 'do you want to be my girlfriend?' try 'do you mind if I start calling you my girlfriend?' Surely you've talked about her, and calling her your girlfriend would make things easier. This opens the gate for her to tell you what she wants. But you do need to open a dialogue about it. I'd say by now she wants you to be official. The fact that she waits until you are about to leave to kiss you is a big sign of that. I think the sitting on the couch til 4.30 is also a sign that she would like you to make more of a move. It's time to shit or get off the pot, as my nan used to say.

I think you're right! Thanks for the advice, I always stumble with this part, but hopefully not this time since I'm already thinking about it.

[MaidenMinx]

This is the easiest part! You've made your way into her circle of friends, you've gotten to hanging out one on one and smooching all you have to do now is have the let's make it official conversation. She's giving you all the right signals so go for it. I also think that because you're nervous almost anything you say will come across as cute and adorable.

[Boisdevie]

You don't have to ask someone to be your BF or GF - it just happens. All this 'officially' this or that is crap. What do you mean officially - lilke take a front page ad in the New York times to tell everyone?
I'm an old fart of 47 and the last time I asked someone to be my GF was when I was 15. It works like this: you spend time together, you kiss, you have sex, you understand that you are going to be exclusive and that's all there is too it.

[MaidenMinx]

You don't have to ask someone to be your BF or GF - it just happens. All this 'officially' this or that is crap. What do you mean officially - lilke take a front page ad in the New York times to tell everyone?
I'm an old fart of 47 and the last time I asked someone to be my GF was when I was 15. It works like this: you spend time together, you kiss, you have sex, you understand that you are going to be exclusive and that's all there is too it.

Unfortunately, this isn't the case for everyone. A lot of people need a moment of clarification, and that's what I meant by becoming official.

[Boisdevie]

Unfortunately, this isn't the case for everyone. A lot of people need a moment of clarification, and that's what I meant by becoming official.

Well then there are a lot of people who need their heads looking at. Clarification? What like like in the schoolyard at 6 years old 'will you be my girlfriend'?

[sadie_genie]

Times have changed, grandpa.

[smackie9]

Dude just open your mouth and tell her you want this to be more than simple dating. Just TELL her you want a relationship with her...that's it....grow some balls.