Is two weeks to soon for my ex-gf to start falling for someone else?

[davidmty85]

My girlfriend broke up with me sixteen days ago. We'd been in a relationship for a little over three years. We had our ups and downs, and soon after a devastating illness struck one of my dearest family members, things took a turn for the worse. She stood by me but I began a mourning process that I have yet to overcome. I also left for six months to be with my family and only saw her once a month during that time period.

I treated her horribly at times. I don't even know why; I have no excuse. I felt overwhelmed and pressured and a lot of times I took it out on her. That is not to say all our problems stemmed from my bad temper or that she wasn't at fault at times. But I admit that I was clearly the one that usually started most of our arguments or at least made them escalate to full blown fights.

However, I do know that I also made her feel loved and brought joy to her heart, at least for the first two years of our relationship, before my family member got sick. She was completely devoted to me and I to her.

Overall, I feel like the bad outweighs the good in terms of my attitude towards her. I think I made her more miserable than happy.

We broke up sixteen days ago. I was completely at fault; I brought this upon myself.

But now I feel extremely miserable, I almost feel like I can't function without her. I haven't eaten or slept much these last few days. And now I've found out that she's falling in love with someone else. She's practically dating him now, and has spent hours upon hours on the phone with him. I see her every day and we both try not to acknowledge each other. But she seems genuinely happy and completely over me.

I know from a mutual friend that she's absolutely ecstatic to have met someone else and is not even mad at me anymore; she simply feels indifferent towards me.

I need help. I can't overcome this pain. It is too much.

I would like advice in general, and more specifically, on the following:

1) Is it normal or natural for me to feel like I meant very little to her now that she's dating again after two weeks? I don't want to judge her, as she doesn't deserve that at all. But I genuinely have no idea if 2 weeks is considered "too soon" to be dating again after a 3 year relationship. I know everyone is different and not everyone needs a few months to start dating again after a break up, but two weeks feels too soon to me. But I don't know is this is just jealousy or a sense of entitlement. I know she has the right to fall in love with whomever she feels like, whenever she wants; but I still feel like crap. I feel like I meant very little to her or made a very small impact in her life (now that I've actually typed this down I realize this might just be my ego rearing its ugly head).

2) I know from several mutual friends that she is genuinely happy and almost "relieved" to be out of our relationship. And she's not the type of person to "rebound" or go out with someone just to make an ex-boyfriend jealous. From what I know, the guys she's seeing is making her "happier than she's been in months", and she's even mentioned that she's falling in love with him. Is it okay for me to still make ONE LAST ATTEMPT to get her back? Or would that be completely unfair to her? I honestly don't know the answer. I want her back more than anything in the world. But I GENUINELY feel that she deserves some joy in her life, and maybe I just blew my last chance. Sometimes I feel like I have no right to try to get her back and maybe ruin her chance of finding love with someone else.

Thanks in advance, any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Gratedwasabi]

It's none of your ****ing business if and/or whom she is dating. Seriously. Absolutely not your business in any way, shape or form.

Move on.

[noerrorsfound]

The above is true, though harsh sounding. You don't need to ask about her and if a mutual friend tries to inform you of a new event in your ex girlfriend's life, say you aren't interested.

[Reset]

OP I think you're wrong. She is the type to rebound because that is exactly what she is doing. In my experience (both from my own and from reading countless love advice forums) women tend to rebound more often and faster than men do. Probably even more so in your case.

Let her go, fix your issues, and maybe, if it was meant to be, you'll wind up together down the road. Going after her now will probably push her further away.

[Boisdevie]

Your relationship with her is over. OVER. So what she does it none of your business.

[MaidenMinx]

I am so sorry to say this but it sounds to me that the relationship was over for her a long time ago. I think the reason she has been able to move on so soon is she had already checked out.

No you shouldn't try to get her back since she is so involved in getting on with things.

I hope you can move on too soon.

[davidmty85]

It's none of your ****ing business if and/or whom she is dating. Seriously. Absolutely not your business in any way, shape or form.

Move on.

It took a kick in the nether regions from a stranger on the internet to make me realize how obnoxious I was acting.

You see, I've gone over this with my closest friends and family, and most of them agreed that I should still pursue her. We were apparently "the perfect couple". However, what they all failed to realize is that we had deep seated problems that may have not surfaced in public but made us completely at odds with each other in private.

I realize now how selfish, possessive and misogynist it is of me to expect my ex to "wait a while longer" before seeing someone else. I should be grateful for the good times we had together and let go of the past.

I won't be seeking her any more, and you are correct: what she does with her life is none of my business.

Thanks, incredibly-forward-to-the-point of-being-offensive stranger. You are actually the first person to make me see the error of my ways.

I still feel like utter crap. But I know I'll have to move on at some point, and leaving her alone is the first step in that direction.

[sadie_genie]

Perhaps, she has already decided to leave you emotionally before she has officially broken up with you. But you can always try to get back with her one last time; you might be surprised at her reaction.

[Gratedwasabi]

It took a kick in the nether regions from a stranger on the internet to make me realize how obnoxious I was acting.

You see, I've gone over this with my closest friends and family, and most of them agreed that I should still pursue her. We were apparently "the perfect couple". However, what they all failed to realize is that we had deep seated problems that may have not surfaced in public but made us completely at odds with each other in private.

I realize now how selfish, possessive and misogynist it is of me to expect my ex to "wait a while longer" before seeing someone else. I should be grateful for the good times we had together and let go of the past.

I won't be seeking her any more, and you are correct: what she does with her life is none of my business.

Thanks, incredibly-forward-to-the-point of-being-offensive stranger. You are actually the first person to make me see the error of my ways.

I still feel like utter crap. But I know I'll have to move on at some point, and leaving her alone is the first step in that direction.

I've been there. And the fact is that every moment you spend thinking about her is a moment of your life you're wasting.

I am a firm believer that once broken up, it's best to remain so. I'd say 90% of the time people get back together is merely because they find themselves lonely without the other person. But the same problems keep popping up. Stay strong!

[kageri]

Odds are she had already emotionally ended things before you officially broke up. She may have spent those 6months you were gone getting over you. Guys seem to have no idea how long girls spend still in a relationship but thinking about leaving and preparing themselves. They tend to miss all the signs and hints. By the time a breakup is made official most woman are over it already and half the time they have a new person in mind to pursue.

[Cinnabella]

Odds are she had already emotionally ended things before you officially broke up. She may have spent those 6months you were gone getting over you. Guys seem to have no idea how long girls spend still in a relationship but thinking about leaving and preparing themselves. They tend to miss all the signs and hints. By the time a breakup is made official most woman are over it already and half the time they have a new person in mind to pursue.

This is not True, it's not.

[kageri]

I've seen my sister go through it a half dozen times, did it twice myself, and I've seen my friends in similar situations. They spend a month or so debating whether they should leave, 3-5months convincing themselves they should leave, and by the time they make it official and the guy realizes what's going on they are already over it and can't be persuaded. Half the time they have another guy they met in that time that they want to try dating. It's pretty much the only way my sister does things. Most of the time she doesn't leave until she's found someone else. In the 2 cases of mine the first was a verbally abusive bf who I was living with and I had to wait until I'd made plans to move somewhere else. The other was a guy that I told I had no desire for a long term relationship but after a few months he seemed to forget that and be making wedding plans in his head. By the time the breakup was clear to him I was talking to someone else online. That person ended up being my husband 6 months later.