giving up? / real feeling?

[Drumzzz]

Hi,

i'm a 19 year old boy and i've never had a girlfriend.
i've tried diffrent times with diffrent 'types' of girls, but it always seems like i get treated worse and worse.
i don't really know what's happening right now but i really feel like just giving up.
can anybody help me with this?

i have 1 more question.
i have a female friend who's a couple of years older than me.
she lives together with her boyfriend.
the last few months we became better and better friends. she was there for me when i spontaneously started crying in a public place because 2 days before that a girl tore my heart apart.
she held me in the middle of the hall and we stood there for at least 5 minutes long without saying 1 word or moving 1 inch.
we were already good friends but since then it became only better. she has also kissed me in theneck serverall times and she frequently lays her head on my shoulders, is playing with her hands in my hair,...
now she left for about 2 weeks and i won't see her till she gets back (i normally saw her 2-3 times a week in our bar) and i'm really sad about it, i start to miss her.
i sense where this is going but i can't do this to her, her boyfriend (friend of mine too) or myself.
anybody has some advice?


thx in advance
D.

[surfhb]

If youve never had a GF, then how have you had your heart broken? The problem is your self esteem. You know what Im talking about right? You might want to see professional about all this and find out the underlying cause of it all

Your friend was just comforting you and is not romantically interested in you, if thats what your asking.....

[Drumzzz]

it's not cause i never had a GF before, that i can't be in love...

yes she was comforting me then, but after months she's still hugging, kissing, grabbing me like that

and the self-esteem is something my doctor said too
she told me to see a shrink after the exams

[surfhb]

Its not a big deal really. Once you know the source of the issue, it allows you to help heal the problem. I never had a GF either till i was 20....so dont feel bad.

[Drumzzz]

thx
it's been a problem for about 6 years now
i just don't know how to tell my parents since i went to the doctor for 'diffrent reasons'
now i gotta tell them i need to see a shrink

[surfhb]

Youre 19....you dont have to tell them anything.

[Drumzzz]

well...

the docter gave me the advice to tell them
and i can't actually afford it to go on my own + what do i say when i'm having an appointment? :p

[surfhb]

Youre in Belgium? Dont they have good government assistance programs?

[Drumzzz]

yes but i'm not working, i'm still a student
and if i have to arrange everything in private it'd take some serious time and work
at least that's what i think, cause i have no idea what exactly you need to do for it
+ the doc knew i prefer them not to know, so if there was a way that is do-able i'm sure she would've told me

[devonbrown]

For some people, seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist is a sign of weakness. It is a very old school way of thinking and thankfully most people in the current young generation do not have that feeling. If you are worried about what your parents will say, just let them know that there is nothing wrong with you, you just want to work through a few things. And you can quote them some statistics to help support you wanting to do it. Tell them that 85% of young people have gone to a therapist at one point or another. (By the way, I just completely made up that statistic, but the good thing about it is that your parents won't check on the veracity of it since therapy is a taboo subject to them. )

And I agree that the girl you mentioned is not at a point to be considering for anything romantic. She probably just sees you as a sensitive guy who is her friend. You are "harmless" to her and she probably hasn't even thought about dating you.

If she does decide she wants to go out with you, she will tell you and will probably break up with her boyfriend. Let these decisions be hers though, if they ever are. Just be her friend and be happy that you have such a great friend. She may even wind up setting you up on dates with some of her friends or giving you dating advice, etc.

Good luck.

[Drumzzz]

thx
i actually can imagine her doing that

[Drumzzz]

it's been a week now since i last saw her
and there isn't a day passing by i'm not thinking about her
3 more weeks to go