Not in love with me..

[Purrzzzzzz]

sounds like you are taking this personally.. as it really does have nothing to do with you.. what if you asked him and she goes "you smell." 1. that wont make you feel better 2. Its not because you smell but because of how HE FEELS...

You want closure.. beleive me i understand.. and i would try to get some but I would wait until you are not so emotional about it. But remember this, closure is a hollywood term and doesnt exist and usually leaves you with more questions... If you do ask him make sure you speak your mind and get any answers you are looking for.. it doesnt mean hes being truthful but at this point its the best you can do.

Is it possible he cheated on you or found someone else?

Remember this.. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! You can replay all these options in your mind of "mayeb if i did this and not that." Youll go crazy thinking about them.... and im being hypocritical because i do this constantly, but I do know that it is unhealthy and WONT CHANGE A THING.

wow DH... ur good!!

[supersonicmoose]

You guys are all right. We talked again yesterday and what I concluded is that he is/was too immature to be in a serious relationship and by the time he realized this I had fallen head over heals in love with him (cept I still am that way) and when he realized what he got himself into he freaked out, tried to fix things (for about 5 months) meanwhile making me question everything yet shoot down what I thought might have been going on at the time, making me think I was crazy.

And finally when I pushed my feelings to say what's wrong, he figures out how to say he's not in love with me.

I know everybody says this, but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had already planned (loosely) our future together in my head. Mainly it was no matter what happens, we'll be together. I'm having a really difficult time with this, I'm physically reacting to it too. Any advice for that?

I know it doesn't have anything to do with me, it's all on him. And yet that doesn't make me feel better. It actually makes me feel worse, because I don't have that "oh, well I'll fix ________ for next time".

He definitely did love me before. Definitely in-love. He says even now he still loves me but not the same way I love him, and he's going through a hard time too to get over me.


edit reply to Lovehearts: chick flicks will make me cry harder and just hate life moreso, and I don't really do the makeup thing.

[DarkHelmet82]

well it shold make you feel worse.. because you didnt do anything wrong! he just wasnt the right one.... that should give you confidence to move on to the right person.

[flynhayn]

I don't know if I'd go as far to say he wasn't the right one.... but now is definitely not the right time, and timing is everything. Like Horseyguy said earlier, finding the strength to get through this will be the hardest thing you'll ever do but it's the best thing to do for yourself. There's nothing you can do for him right now... he's going to have to figure out his issues and if everything he said to you is true, then there is a good chance he will remember that when he is ready and he'll find you. In the meantime worry about yourself... you've got the freedom to do what you want, go where you want, or whatevers... but use this time to further yourself.

[supersonicmoose]

@flynhayn I very much like what you said. I think it's very accurate. I only hope that if he realizes what he's lost that it's not too late. He very much is the 'right one' for me, and I believe I'm the 'right one' for him. But his lack of emotional maturity screws me over.

It's only been a couple of days but I can feel myself healing a tiny bit.

So what do I do with this freedom? I was thinking England for Christmas...Not sure. Ideas?

[DarkHelmet82]

Christmas? Its JUNE.. lol

[supersonicmoose]

I know it's no where near Christmas right now, but that's the next time I'll be able to go anywhere. Work and school and such gets in the way.

[Annex]

he said it was commitment issues, but unless you dropped a bomb like "we should have kids" then there is defiantly something else. for someone to just suddenly wake up and have no feelings of love for you i find it hard to believe, its a process that would have taken awhile. The male mind is alot more logical opposed to their female counterpart as shallow as it seems 95% of men regard appearance high on the list as an attractive trait, we are visually stimulated creatures. As for the "its not you, its me", love is a 2 way street even though we dont consciencely know we are doing it, sometimes when the relationship is on the rails we start to demonstrait unattractive traits, at least thats what i did. I wasnt aware i was doing it untill after we broke up and i look at what i was doing from a 3rd perspective.

my advice would be to just initiate no contact for 3 weeks, or limitied contact if your living together or working together. during that time exercise, it will release the endorphins and make you feel better. give him a chance to miss you. and if your really ballsy at the beginning of the third week dress up, like go nuclear and look your absolute best/sexy and walk around a place your boyfriend frequents. dont initaite contact or look at him, just make sure he sees you. what your trying to achieve is for him to come to you. play hard to get. people always want what they cant have, as counter productive as that sounds. i can guarantee he will call you just for small talk.

Bottom line if you want him back you will get him.

[supersonicmoose]

@annex in some cases you would be absolutely right. And certain things you said are. However dressing up and flaunting it in front of him is playing games. And I don't do that. But I told him I can't talk to him for a very long time. He understood and said he'll stay out of my way. He does love me, he just can't let himself be in-love with me because he hasn't figured himself out yet. He's got some major growing up to do. I just wish he would be able to do it in a couple of weeks. However I don't think it's going to happen.

I am curious as to why you say 3 weeks. I'm not really sure how long I want to not talk to him. I would like to be friends eventually if we can't be together. I'd also like to maintain my relationship with his family as they are the type of people I want in my life.

You say that if I want him back I'll get him? I really don't see how my thoughts, feelings, and stance on anything is going to change him.

Oh and I definitely did not drop any marriage or kid bombs. Actually he was the first one to ever mention any sort of future.

He didn't exactly "wake up" and say he wasn't in love with me, we had broken up in February for a week. For the same reason, except he didn't tell me. Instead he made me believe it was for a different reason. He says we got back together because he couldn't stand to see me so hurt and wanted to try really hard to make it work. Except he's stupid and didn't know what that even meant.

Demonstrating unattractive traits is something I've done before, but not with this guy. And actually the guy I did do that with I started picking at everything that bothered me about him...which turned out to be everything, lol imagine that.

[Annex]

Flaunting it was just an idea, some people can use manipulation other cant, i for one dont like it but sadly it works. As for a 3 week time constraint, its just a guideline. I like to know whats going to happen and when, alot of people say "no contact for as long as it takes for her to call" but i just cant run like that, personal preference.

When he says he loves you but not in-love with you, sounds to me like he cares for you but doesn't want to be intimate with you. these could be a range of things like sex, romance, space or something along those lines. then again he could be saying that because she doesn't want to hurt you by saying "i dont love you" i mean thats what my girlfriend did to me.

As for the "if you want him back you will get him" thats just top put a positive spin on it. think positive and you will cope a little better. evil begets evil. in this case negativity only brings more negativity.

The unattractive traits is a hard thing to work out. im currently going through this stage even though my girlfriend said i did everything right and its her fault that she dosnt feel the same way about me, now that i look on it it was my fault although i was displaying those traits without knowing about it. bottom line the key things you want to display is

Do not change for your partner, keep your values

[confusius]

Oh dear! Oh dear!

I will admit I haven't read all the advices you have been getting, but I can ensure you that I understand your pain. My ex told me that she trust, yada, yada, but she doesn't love me anymore. I can say that probably something happened in between that you missed. Anyway the thing is it's really hard. I did plan the future with my ex, getting married; I was going to propose to her after our college graduation. I asked her she wanted it. Guess what? we are no longer together. Don't take things too personal. I did, OMG I almost died of a heart attack.

With time you will get through your pain. It's not easy, But one day you will be able to be happy again.

Much Love!

[visualize112]

Same as confusius, my girlfriend left me and said that she does not have the love for me no more.. reading through all your previous posts, i see that i am on the same boat as u.. she says that its her and there is nothing to do with me and also says that i treat her very well, im a very nice guy etc...

I always blame myself and wish i can do better to get her back..

But only time can tell... let it settle down.. im doing my best.. im trying to forget about her too.. i know its hard.. very hard.. whenever im alone she's always on my mind..

I lost all my friends because of her.. i spend way to much time with her before and never kept in contact with my friends.. 3.5yrs in the relationship. thinking back its not worth it for me..

I've been reading this elsewhere, if your boyfriend/ex now doesnt leave u now... he will leave u later anyway. I always have that saying in my mind. keep it positive.

Also know this one too... "If you love somebody, let them go, if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."

Easy said huh.. but very hard to be done... but im doing my best.. so should u..

good luck!

[Annex]

@visualize im sure this has been said to you countless times becuse i know for a fact nearly everyone i talked to has said it to me, time heals all wounds. its totally understandable that we all have out ex's on our mind we are after all only human. but the reason why we are here is just to kill time time and make it less redundant

[DarkHelmet82]

Ive done no contact for 3 weeks, and then contacted her just with a simple congrats on your new job.. she opened up some dialog which is good, and now im gonna try to arrange a meetup and lay it all out.. this waiting crap is for the birds.. I think im better off knowing then in the limbo stage

So my advice is wait for a little while, and then if you still feel like you need to do something at that point go for it.. Knowing is better then not knowing, and it will provide closure (if that even exists)

[supersonicmoose]

I'm not even sure what closure is anymore. I already know why he doesn't want to be with me. Really the only way I would feel better is if he came crawling back begging for forgiveness, buuuut that's not going to happen. Even in time I may feel more "normal" but part of me will still be hurt and will still love him.

I agree DarkHelmet waiting is for the birds...hell even they don't wait. My being woken up early on weekends can attest to that one, haha.

I feel like this is karma. I broke the last boys' heart, so that means it was my turn to have a broken heart.