Last attempt contact with ex.

[Toddstar]

So....I'm not getting any younger, lol, I finally decided to throw a last ditch email to my ex and son's mom and see what happens. Here is a copy of it. Sorry if it's long-ish, but I do appreciate the feedback you all give!! I know it doesnt say anything like take me back or whatever, but I think in my mind I left the door open a little bit...and who knows what will happen tomorrow? I have no expectations but I do think of her everyday.

I said to myself I wouldn't send this email until I acheived certain goals for myself and, now I have achieved these goals, I want to share this with you, what has been sitting on my throat for months. I am not sure why I am telling you this but there is still ½ of me that thinks we can be friends someday and ½ of me that can't do it for I couldnt handle seeing you love someone else. This year, since our last failed attempt at reconciliation, I have tried to make this the best year I can for me via goal setting, weight loss, running goals, financial goals, not drinking etc. And, coupled with that, I have had a brief romantic relationship this year, just ending on Sunday. I thought I could fill the void left by you by replacing you and that simply is not the case. I don't think I was really aware I was doing it. But you are not replaceable and every time I tried to make someone else be you I ended up failing them and failing myself by pretty much trying to make amends with you via them. And that's wrong. I simply am just not ready to meet anyone yet. There were obviously good aspects of being in a relationship but like with anything, if you try too hard to rush things through too fast it winds up falling apart. This time I will wait for the "one" to come to me, not website dating anymore. I respect myself too much for where I was and where I am now to get involved with that sort of relationship again. She is out there. She will come to me in time. I can wait. And I am happy that I made this decision. It's the right one for me. I am not sure why I had to say this...but I did. The thing is I do think of you pretty much every day and wonder how you are and if you are being treated right and if you are happy. Yet I know you are. This is just my way of saying that I care about you and your family and wish you all the best with whatever you choose to do. I hope all is well and, you don't have to say where it came from, but give all the kids a hug for me. I do miss them. Have a great day!"

[DarkHelmet82]

do you feel better?

[Toddstar]

A little bit. Coming to the point of resignation with her is hurting a great deal but not trying to replace her with others is the right thing to do. A little ME time will go a long way. Gotta go through hell before you get to heaven. I've been in purgatory for months. Here comes the pain, the acceptance, the relaization. Time to hold on. It will get better.

[Wakeup]

Personally... That would have made me puke. The manipulation in itself is classic and transparent as hell.

Next time you want to send something like that write it down and burn it and let your clinging codependency drift away with the smoke.

P.S. Quit using women to fill this void you apparently have in your soul. Get some personal therapy so that you know how to be happy in your own skin. Once you're happy in your own skin, you'll be able to choose a partner that is a compliment to you rather than a crutch.

Good luck in your future.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yeah im going to do something similar in the next week or so, I frimly believe that its better to know then to always "wonder." Youll be OK

[DarkHelmet82]

Personally... That would have made me puke. The manipulation in itself is classic and transparent as hell.

Next time you want to send something like that write it down and burn it and let your clinging codependency drift away with the smoke.

P.S. Quit using women to fill this void you apparently have in your soul. Get some personal therapy so that you know how to be happy in your own skin. Once you're happy in your own skin, you'll be able to choose a partner that is a compliment to you rather than a crutch.

Good luck in your future.

I dont think it was manipulative.. he said what he needed to say.. nothing wrong with it at all.

[Toddstar]

Wakeup, I like her. I thought I was doing what's right. I didnt say anything mean or that wasnt how I felt. Yes, maybe I should never have sent it. But I did. And it is what it is. Thank you for your words though; made me question my motives as well.

[DarkHelmet82]

why do you regret it.. you spoke your mind and you did your best! nothing to regret!

[Toddstar]

DH True...I just didnt think I was manipualtive towards her. Just made me think about myself a little bit. Introspective I guess.

[Wakeup]

You should not say such things when you are with someone. If I was her I'd be pissed. Move forward, I am just an acquaintance now."

Leave her alone and quit trying to manipulate an outcome from her. It's very, very unattractive to a woman to hear a guy keep on when we've already told them to quit it. You need to forget she exists and if she wants to be with you SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT OR WITHOUT GAME PLAYING. Her words will be something like: "I've made a huge mistake and I'd love for you to give Us a second chance. It will be very clear to you that she wants to be with you and you won't have to use these "last attempt at contact with ex" pleas and manipulative words to try and sway her your way.

Take care of your son, be the best father you can be to him.. Quit using women to ease your pain (it's sociopathic behaviour) and when you're able to be completely indifferent to your wifes silly hormonal questionings then and only then try to find yourself a mate that your compatibile with. Make sure you wear rubbers.... you don't want another baby momma running around out there.

Good luck. Be the man and quit venting your emotional self to your EX... she's your EX and she doesn't want to hear it.

[DarkHelmet82]

i know a lot of people who were contact by their former boyfriends in similar manners and are now back in happy relationships. Why are a lot of people on here against people speaking freely? NOT saying something IS A GAME in itself in my opinion. If anything is manipulative.. thats it.

[Toddstar]

Definitions of Sociopath's behaviour:

Superficial Charm
Manipulative and Conning
Grandiose Sense of Self
Pathological Lying
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
Shallow Emotions
Incapacity for Love
Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian
Secretive
Paranoid
Conventional appearance
Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
Incapable of real human attachment to another
Unable to feel remorse or guilt
Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)

Hmmmmm...you may be on to something here!

[Wakeup]

i know a lot of people who were contact by their former boyfriends in similar manners and are now back in happy relationships. Why are a lot of people on here against people speaking freely? NOT saying something IS A GAME in itself in my opinion. If anything is manipulative.. thats it.

I suggest you help him by not continuing to enable him by encouraging this negative behaviour.
Your opinion and you're welcome to it but this OP is showing huge issue of co-dependency. If she wanted him, she'd let him know. His manipulation tacktics have gotten him no where thus far. I'd like to know just how long they knew each other before she became pregnant. Likely not very long. Likely they were incompatible from the begining, likely their union had a foundation based on sand and really didn't have much of a chance from the get go. (I'm sure he'll correct me if I'm wrong but if he only knew her a short while before becoming a father then he won't convince me of what he believes to be the truth)

He's tried his little emails more than once. A person has to retain his personal dignity if he wants a gal to be attracted to him. IMO, He lost most of his dignity sending that last message.

OP: It's water under the bridge now and if you don't regret it then do what you've told yourself ... that being "LAST ATTEMPT at contacting the Ex" quit it, you're just reinforcing her negative thoughts about you and your ability to be a strong man.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle

Those certainly apply go by what you've revealed of yourself thus far. . Not enough to be diagnosed but still considered sociopathic in nature

[DarkHelmet82]

toddstar.. I dont see this issue as to waht you did.. You were upfront, honest, and spoke your mind. The ball is now in her court. If you didnt say anything.. the ball would be at midcourt with nobody playing.

[DarkHelmet82]

well i think one attempt is enough.. no need to harrass... i agree... I have no idea, and my advice is based on what I want to do with my ex too.. so its probably not the best.