It's officially been two months in two days. You haven't called, texted or messaged me since I freaked out the last time. (about a month ago) I know I shouldn't, but I still text you from time to time and still dwell on the happiness I thought we had. I asked you yesterday if you were dating someone else and you said no not at all. So why don't you contact me? You said it's not because you don't want to talk to me but rather that you are on cruise control...or that you feel like we have nothing to talk about. Are you f**king kidding me? We were together for almost 4 years and i considered you my best friend you considered me one of yours. I don't understand. I facebook creeping and noticed that you've met some girl that I've never heard of and whom isn't a mutual friend of someone I know. Who the f**k is she? I'm pissed that you are even hanging out with her even though it appears that it isn't romantic. I'm ashamed to say that when I saw that I almost passed out from the flood of panic that filled me. Then on top of all of that, there is a 90% chance that you are planning to come to my youngest brother's graduation party when we'll see the first time since our break up. I invited you as a gesture, I didn't think you'd actually come. But I guess we'll see. What the hell does that mean? Apparently I'm not on your mind anymore and apparently you aren't considering getting back together..at least that's how it appears. You seem so different, so cold and distant. I just really don't understand. I'm terrified that I'll be one of those people that spends their whole lives in love with a lost love...even if they marry someone else. That's a pathetic life and I pray that you release my heart soon...or you call to tell me that we really are meant to be each others penguins for life. Seriously why in the hell is this so hard.