I turned psycho, how do I move on....

[BrittanyB23]

My ex and I met 2 years ago through a mutual friend. We ended up becoming really good friends who had similar wants and desires out of life as well as a relationship so it was pretty natural when our friendship turned into more. We would talk all the time, spend lots of time together and just have fun. One of the things he said he liked most about our relationship was that it wasn't a lot of "drama." He had a past of dealing with females and cutting things off when drama arised as he felt that there were better things out there that didn't involve that. His motto was "why deal with the drama when there's always something better" and although I understood what he was saying I also felt as if problems and disagreements are inevitable in relationships and that how u deal with these things together is what makes them work and that was where our relationship failed.

I was doing the best I can with what I had to make him happy, as was he, but when a problem did come up he completely withdrew from me, not wanting to talk or spend time together and instead of giving him his space I pressed harder (my mistake). It hurt feeling like I was losing him and it hurt even more that he started talking more and hanging out with a lot of the female friends he had (chicks he either used to talk to or was physically attracted to and that liked him) especially when I wasn't getting that from him as his girlfriend. I continued to press him though not giving him any space which of course made things between us worse. We then went on a break which led to a break up which led to "friends with benefits" and now it's like we're enemies.

I've made every possible mistake in the book (blaming, criticizing, sending a thousand text messages to talk, etc) and he now thinks I'm crazy. I honestly feel as though my actions have stemmed from my insecurities and fears of losing him and they ended up pushing him away. I guess you can say i lost myself in the relationship. Anyway, We haven't talked in a few days which is probably the best for both of us but the last time I tried reaching out to him he ignored me which hurt. He has also moved on to one of the girls he was friends with when we were together.

How do I get over this guilt of feeling like I ruined the relationship and that if I had done things differently it would've worked out? How do I get over him and move on without thinking that he will come back? What hurts is that I'm hurting and it's like he doesn't seem to care he's still living his life happy as ever. He treats everyone better than me like he cares about them. It's almost like what we had didn't exist or count for anything and I just feel like it was all my fault and then I hate that i let my insecurities control me so much to do the things i did and now he and his friends probably consider me as his psycho crazy ex girlfriend :/ my last relationship ended similar to this as well, it seems as though when things are good they're good and the guys are very happy but the moment a problem occurs I get so afraid of losing them and hurt by their withdrawing that I act out in ways which just end up pushing them away. What do I do?

[bulrush]

I honestly feel as though my actions have stemmed from my insecurities and fears of losing him and they ended up pushing him away.

I agree with you on this. Perhaps a professional counselor would help you get through this. Many people find it hard to look at themselves and admit they are not perfect. Perhaps if your best friend went to counseling with you to support you, that would give you the strength you need to address your insecurities.

I guess you can say i lost myself in the relationship.

I agree you lost control due to the intensity of various emotions.

How do I get over this guilt of feeling like I ruined the relationship and that if I had done things differently it would've worked out?

Deal with your insecurities first. I think these are a root cause of many of your relationship problems. Not dealing with these will probably cause you problems in every relationship in the future.

How do I get over him and move on without thinking that he will come back? What hurts is that I'm hurting and it's like he doesn't seem to care he's still living his life happy as ever.

If you are hurting, have you tried to talk to someone about this? Someone you really trust and/or admire? Sometimes that helps.

my last relationship ended similar to this as well, ...

As I implied above, I see a pattern emerging. And, not to be mean, you are the common denominator. Only you can fix yourself. So, work on that first, before any more boyfriends. M'kay?

[ShellyZ]

You may have made some mistakes that you've admitted to, but his overall attitude is not conducive to a relationship. He's a fair-weather boyfriend. Apparently he never develops real feelings for any girl he dates, because if he did, he wouldn't give up on the relationship as soon as there's a problem. If he cared about the girl, he would at least make an effort to work it out, but it sounds like he doesn't even try. If he jumps ship as soon as something goes wrong, he'll never have a relationship that lasts very long. Especially if he has the attitude that there's always something better, that any girl can be replaced. Are you sure you want him back?

[BrittanyB23]

@bulrush I definitely lost control with the intensity of my emotions and it played a huge part in destroying our relationship although he made his mistakes as well. I definitely need to work on my insecurities and self worth as I'm clearly lacking in that area. I don't want to depend on a relationship or guy to make me happy but instead have my own happiness and life outside of a relationship. Thanks for the advice, I'm in the process now of working on myself and life so that I'm ready for the next relationship.

@ShellyZ I think he develops real feelings foe girls he date he just wants the fun of a relationship but not the work. He tries to work on things bur he still gives up very easily. His attitude that any girl can be replaced does bother me. I want a guy who thinks I am what's better for him not one who thinks that there is something better out there. Thanks for the advice, I feel a lot better

[hello1]

Yeah this guy did not love you. He wouldn't have given up on you so easily if he really did. No loss there