Damned if I do, Damned if I don't

[Miss Lynn]

I've been sleeping with this guy off and on for about 4 months. He is 6 years younger than me. We have the most amazing sexual chemistry... At one point we were seeing each other weekly. Things were moving pretty fast. I found myself doing things that I normally would not do just for sex. I am not a desperate woman. I mean this guy gives me some kind of a high that I cannot explain. When we are together, we cant keep our hands off each other... We are like in awe of each other, its so weird, but it's the best feeling and it's not just me who feels this chemistry. He admits it too. The last night we were together things seemed to be getting heavy and very intimate. Emotions were starting to show. Both of our walls started to come down.

After that night, we had a breif convo about nothing really, then things came to a complete hault. It was almost like he vanished. After 2 weeks of not hearing a word from the guy I figured it was over. If he wanted to talk to me he would call... Meanwhile, I never bothered to initiate any contact either. I have a problem with being very prideful. Not to mention I already felt like I gave too much already and I could not let myself seem desperate. I was hurt and confused, but tried to stay neutral and move on.

About a month later I get a text from him. I was elated, but I didn't know whether I should respond or not.
I did respond, but not immediately. I talked to him a little but kept it casual. I didn't attack him, I just played it cool. I really don't know why he's been distant and It would be wrong to assume anything. He wanted to see what I was doing, how I've been and basically told me that I wam the best he's ever had and told me how amazing I am. I didn't go see him that week. Next week, He called again. This time he was telling me that he needed my comfort. He seemed sad or something. His tone was off. Once again, I was busy, so I didn't see him.

I don't know what to do. I really want to see him, but I don't know if its worth the pain that may come along with it if he decides to vanish again. If he thinks I so "amazing" why would he vanish for so long? Something is telling me to just go for it, but I can't let myself. I would like to keep it casual, but I'm scared of my own feelings and I do not want to let myself get played... He has always told me how wonderful he thinks I am, but now I have a hard time taking what he says seriously. He's never been mean or disprespectful to me. He's always been pretty deliberate when it comes to what he wants... Now I find him hard to trust, but this could be my own fears and insecurities.

Should I just go with it or try to forget him and let the wound heal? I'm really conflicted.

Opinions/suggestions...

[oldskool83]

not good sign he vanished

[tremolo]

I've been the victim of such disappearing acts before. There are probably a wide variety of reasons they happen, but I think the fact he ignored you an entire month is not good and is really pretty inexcusable. I do not understand either why if you're so amazing to him he would vanish as he did - particularly without an explanation. Once a couple has had sex - and especially regular sex - it is not okay for someone to vanish inexplicably and then to reappear again as if nothing had happened. I consider that fishy and abusive and if I were you, I'd demand an explanation - and probably write the guy off.

[Mathias]

I've been the victim of such disappearing acts before. There are probably a wide variety of reasons they happen, but I think the fact he ignored you an entire month is not good and is really pretty inexcusable. I do not understand either why if you're so amazing to him he would vanish as he did - particularly without an explanation. Once a couple has had sex - and especially regular sex - it is not okay for someone to vanish inexplicably and then to reappear again as if nothing had happened. I consider that fishy and abusive and if I were you, I'd demand an explanation - and probably write the guy off.

The a-word has been thrown around a bit too liberally here lately.

The guy's a jackhole. But for people who have been abused (emotionally and/or physically), that's a stretch at best.

[HeartIsAching]

Try actual communications with him. Find out what happened. Tell him you've missed him and want to know where if anywhere, you're going.

[oldskool83]

hes a dickbag

[bulrush]

Sounds like this guy has intimacy issues. He's had great sex and chemistry with you, now I suspect he is developing feelings for you. He may be confused on how to deal with these feelings. You can either help him deal with these feelings, or find someone else. It's up to you.

[tremolo]

The a-word has been thrown around a bit too liberally here lately.

The guy's a jackhole. But for people who have been abused (emotionally and/or physically), that's a stretch at best.

I consider that emotionally abusive when it becomes a pattern.

[Rabbitt]

How do you actually ''deal'' with abused people? I really wonder how you can ''reach'' those people.

really curious..

[Miss Lynn]

I agree, but I haven't really asked why he just didn't bother calling me for a month. I almost feel like he thinks he's cool enough to just walk in and out whenever he feels like it. Thats why I haven't bothered seeing him, I don't think he deserves me. What an Asshole.

[ShellyZ]

My guess is he got preoccupied with another girl, and then it didn't work out with her, so he contacted you again.

[RdHrshyKss]

i second what Shelly said. i'd demand some kind of explanation and then tell the guy to F off.

[Yet another guy]

Since you started getting close, his were probably getting a bit deep. I'd guess that he wanted to see if you were interested in him and tried to let you take the initiative. Since you didn't bother contacting him for an entire month, I guess that he got his answer.

Now he either can't hold it in and tries to give it a chance despite your lack of effort... or he got over it and wants to get back with the casual sex arrangement you had going on.

[Miss Lynn]

Since you started getting close, his were probably getting a bit deep. I'd guess that he wanted to see if you were interested in him and tried to let you take the initiative. Since you didn't bother contacting him for an entire month, I guess that he got his answer.

Now he either can't hold it in and tries to give it a chance despite your lack of effort... or he got over it and wants to get back with the casual sex arrangement you had going on.

Hmm, Interesting. I didn't think guys did that. This is why I'm confused. I guess you can say that I am just as guilty as he is. Maybe we both have intimacy issues.

[HeartIsAching]

Hmm, Interesting. I didn't think guys did that. This is why I'm confused. I guess you can say that I am just as guilty as he is. Maybe we both have intimacy issues.

No, you both have communications issues. That's passive-aggressive crap that has no place in an adult relationship. You want something, frickin' communicate it. Don't get all bent if your partner doesn't just "magically" know what you want.