Girlfriend on holiday and other such stuff?

[xapj]

Ok, me and my girl been together for 2 years (she's 20, I'm 29...i know there is a gap and that the default position for all relationship issues can be distilled back to this gap, but Im more worried that my feeling are not due to this gap) and I love her so much. She recently went on holiday with her mates to Spain. We have a bit of a long distance thing anyway (i see her of lot of weekends). We talk every day and have done for years.
But when she was away (with a bunch of her class mates) we never spoke at all on the phone, even though I sorted ways to call her hotel room. She did AIM when she got back at night but normally for a few minutes because she was exhausted from sight seeing or from being out at bars and clubs and what not. I feel like she put her friends way above me to not find any time, not even 10 minutes to talk to me.
I know she was out dancing and drinking and generally partying. I also know she got hit on a lot, she's drop dead gorgeous, like traffic stopping good. I'm less worried about her misbehaving than I am about the feeling of being neglected.

I know she had one of the best weeks ever (her words) and I'm worried that she had a better time with her mates than she ever has with me, as soon at they came back they were organizing another trip next year to the tropics! No mention of arranging a holiday with me.
Her family don't really approve of me so she has to lie a lot to come away with me, she wouldn't let me come to Spain because it made her feel guilty about lying (even though she didn't tell her family about the drinking and partying).
I'm gutted by this feeling that she has a better more fun life with her mates than with me, its overwhelming me
I'm gutted by this feeling that she would arrange and save money for another party holiday with her friends but not with me. And that holiday is going to a place that I want to take her
I'm gutted that she couldn't even find time to call me when in Spain (OK the class had full itineraries, but no time at all in a whole week. )

Its making me feel like I'm observing her life and not sharing in it. I'm conscious that there are my issues at work here, and that I may be squeezing her to hard. I can't stop her doing anything obviously, but I just don't like this feeling.
I'm older than her and I'm worried that she see me more as this responsible mellow boy friend who is good for coffee dates and restaurants but I'm not one to go partying with. I don't even know her friends. I want commitment and to plan things together. And I'm aware that I'm exaggerating a lot of stuff and when i talk to her about it i become very conscious of that and feel guilty. I'm worried that talking to her about it will just push her over the edge and I'll lose her and I really feel this girl is the one for me and don't want to make a mistake.

Any thoughts? Am I wrong on every count here?

[oldskool83]

shes not where you are, im sorry but the age thing is why shes acting this way. im 28 and want anything to do with any women younger then me, i mean a year or 2 no big deal. my gf now is around my age, 6 months older then me and we get along pretty well. my ex was 9 years older.

[xapj]

I totally get the age thing and that in my head as well, but i feel thats too much of a stock answer and would like to explore my feelings a bit more. Im not about to give up just because of that. Im more worried that Im over reacting, am I? Regardless of age what do people thing of if I'm right to get upset
I would gladly be the one to take her to places and partying and come with her and her mates.

[oldskool83]

everyone does need their space. my g/f recently went on a trip with family, i didnt go because it was set up before i ever was a thought. she was gone 4 days i think. did she call, no. did she text me, yeah took nearly a day. was a mad....nah, did i miss her and feel some what neglected...sure in a selfesh way. I did my own thing, she did her own thing. i normaly herd from her a few texts a night at some point. towards the end she missed me i could tell. you might be over reacting some. i wouldnt get all mushy on her, they dont like that stuff, theres a place a time for that. Id just tell her ya know i kinda missed ya when you were away, do ya think we could take a trip like that together some time?

[xapj]

Thanks for the comments!
I do worry that Im being over jealous here. So many things that I dont understand here. I would never go a week without calling, even if i was on holiday with my mates, Id respect that she missed me and heck id want to talk and share with her.
I guess Im trying to convince myself that Im overreacting so I appreciate the talk.
What about this new holiday thing. She never mentions or plans to go on holiday with me? And she would scrimp and save to go away with her mates but I don't think she would with me. Im not bothered about the money, Im happy to take her because i love her but I just feel a bit in second place over something like that.

I feel like this is the elephant in the room and can tell its getting me frustrated. I wouldn't be surprised if I pi**ed her off so much she left me over this. Its this idea in my head that as time goes on and she goes out more and more then I will become a smaller part of her life.

thanks again for the chat

[doppelgaenger]

But when she was away we never spoke at all on the phone, even though I sorted ways to call her hotel room.

So what? She was on vacation and she was trying to enjoy every minute of it. There's no problem with that. You should have just let her have a good time. Instead, you probably annoyed her and her friends with your constant attempts to get her attention.

She did AIM when she got back at night but normally for a few minutes because she was exhausted from sight seeing or from being out at bars and clubs and what not. I feel like she put her friends way above me to not find any time, not even 10 minutes to talk to me.

Get over it. You're just pissed that her world doesn't revolve around you and now that the attention has been shifted away from you, you're acting like a big baby. Have you ever been on vacation before? The last thing you wanna do is chat with someone on the phone and stuff.

I know she was out dancing and drinking and generally partying. I also know she got hit on a lot, she's drop dead gorgeous, like traffic stopping good. I'm less worried about her misbehaving than I am about the feeling of being neglected.

Wahhhh, she got hit on a lot, boo hoo. So if that makes you uncomfortable, date an ugly person that will never get hit on. You can't mold a person to your ideals or expect them to change for you.

I know she had one of the best weeks ever (her words) and I'm worried that she had a better time with her mates than she ever has with me, as soon at they came back they were organizing another trip next year to the tropics! No mention of arranging a holiday with me.

"Wahhh, her world isn't revolving around me" So what? Christ. You should be glad she has friends to have fun with and be happy for her instead of being a big selfish baby.

Her family don't really approve of me so she has to lie a lot to come away with me, she wouldn't let me come to Spain because it made her feel guilty about lying (even though she didn't tell her family about the drinking and partying).

Come on now, that's bullshit and you know it. Is it really worth being in a relationship where the person is *lying* about you? Furthermore, I call bullshit on her feeling guilty. She didn't want you to go with her because she wanted to have a good time without you. Now, that's not really a bad thing, but she obviously couldn't tell you the truth... probably because you're whiny and manipulative.

I'm gutted by this feeling that she has a better more fun life with her mates than with me, its overwhelming me

Get over it.

I'm gutted by this feeling that she would arrange and save money for another party holiday with her friends but not with me. And that holiday is going to a place that I want to take her

Get over it.

I'm gutted that she couldn't even find time to call me when in Spain (OK the class had full itineraries, but no time at all in a whole week. )

Get over it.

Its making me feel like I'm observing her life and not sharing in it. I'm conscious that there are my issues at work here, and that I may be squeezing her to hard. I can't stop her doing anything obviously, but I just don't like this feeling.

All over a stupid vacation? Jeeze, you sound like an oversensitive, manipulative freak.

[hello1]

She is 20 and you are nearly 30! you are properly ready to settle down but she isn't.

If you want a girl who be staying at home you need a older girlfriend. Not all girls that age are partying but a lot are and your girlfriend one of them