She's really good friend with this guy and I'm worried...

[Toxic106]

Hi, I've posted here a couple of times before. Same girlfriend, first relationship, been going out for slightly more than a year now.

She's really nice to everyone around her. Sometimes, she can be kinda a flirt. She never cheated on me or anything, just... liked someone else when we were together. That happened since december, one person every month up till now. She occasionally lies about not liking anyone else but my gut feeling's always right when it comes to this. She broke up with me a couple of times because of this but never lasted longer than like 2 hours.

She said her head gets f*cked up when she likes someone else but never wanna lose me. She said she always loves me.

Now, the thing is, there is this other person suddenly came into our lives and they are like best buds or something. My girlfriend always ALWAYS texts him. Initially before all the texting, she asked me if it was ok with her talking to him, being his friend. I was fine with it. I mean, they're just friends. Things gradually went... you know. She started talking to him almost 24/7. I went over to her house, staying over that night, and most of the time, she texts him. I got upset because she's not spending enough time with ME. She doesn't pay much attention to ME.

I told her that, and then she told me, that the guy is nice and friendly and they're just really good friends. I MEAN COME ON!! They've only known each other for like what... a week? She said I shouldn't be upset because there was nothing going on between them.

Like I said, in the past, when she likes someone else, this is how it all starts... and now... yeah.

She told me to trust her. I really wanna. I REALLY wanna but, it's not that easy to gain my trust like this. I mean, trust is easy to break and hard to build. She should know that. Then she give me the, 'If you love someone you trust him/her regardless.'...
I tried that. That's why I'm giving her LOADS of time to spend with the guy. I'm not gonna be happy about it. But recently it seemed like I've taken her away from her friends so I thought she should hang out with her friends more. Now that this guy came along... *sigh*... Man, I just, don't know what to do.

I mean, from what I heard from her, that guy feels threatened by me because when I see him, I always look like i was gonna beat him up. He really wants to be my friend and all. My gut's telling me... not to trust them.

When my girlfriend notice that I'm upset, she tries so hard to cheer me up. But it won't work because it's not that simple. She says I'm pushing her away by being upset and not telling her what she can do to stop this. Thing is, I want her to stop hanging around with that guy but... I can't because it's wrong.

I'll say, I know I should know the guy first before I start judging him... Man, I just... I'm really tired. I don't want to lose my girlfriend again. But I can't exactly stop her from seeing him because they're friends. Unless they start cheating on me I can't do a thing. People... please... help.

Bottom line is, I don't want to lose my girlfriend. What can I do?

ps, that guy has a girlfriend of 5 years. so.. yeah.

[Boisdevie]

You will lose her - any woman who spends time texting another man when her BF is there - well it's not exactly a good sign is it? I'd dump her.

[elleda]

dump her. so inconsiderate!

[Saya]

She doesn't sound like she loves you that much... if she loves you and cares about you a lot then she wouldn't keep on liking other guys while she is in a relationship.
I mean if that happens to you and if you start texting other girls in front of her, she would hate it so much.
If he is texting her lots then most likely his relationship with his gf isn't doing too well.

[jamestaylor]

this is a very nice post i really like this post,

[oldskool83]

shes checking out again dude. i went thru this once. she will then turn it around as you already said your pushing her away...shes making you feel it you. your her bf. she doesnt want you anymore. shes not worth your time. kick her out. oh and be prepaired to see her with the new guy by next week...cuz thats how it goes.

[maxmax]

If I were in a relationship where a girl were behaving like that ... I'd be outta there.

[DarkHelmet82]

DONT jump the gun.. talk to her about it and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.. if she doesnt take your feelings into account kick her to the curb... she may think shes not bothering you by doing it....

[jb1111983]

Yes, talk to her about it. Tell her you are not happy about it. If she loves you she'll stop communicating with this other guy. If she doesn't end the relationship.

[IncognitoSir]

Well, what is talking about it going to do? You've done that.......several times. She "likes" someone once a month?????WTF is that? You need to show here the door my friend, that's NOT love. She's taking advantage of you. KNows she can get away with treating you like this and does. Don't be a sucker for her, you deserve a relationship that you can feel secure in.

[Cerby]

This whole situation is a recipe for disaster. . .Even as someone who likes to promote ways to save the relationship, this girl is bad news.

[girl68]

When someone keeps on having crushes once a month she is NOT invested in you, or the relationship. So really she isn't the one for you and you will lose her over and over again.

[loveppears]

All I can say is I understand what your girlfriend is feeling. I was in a somewhat similar situation, except I wasn't in a committed relationship at the time. I had two men I was talking to at the same time. And it came down to a choice… The one person who I was seeing lived in the same town as me, and the other person had recently moved several states away.

The person several states away and I were extremely close. We talked all the time. Texting. Skyping. All that stuff. The other guy and I would hang out occasionally, and chat on the phone whenever we got the chance. Truth be told, I liked the guy I talked to all the time MORE. But in the end, I chose his friendship and chose to pursue things romantically with the guy I didn't talk to as much.

Honestly, the ball is in your girl's court right now. She's the one who will make the decision, ultimately. If you're not "okay" with her talking to another man all the time, then you're the one who has the issue, and you need to resolve it. Either by laying out the law and hoping she complies, or breaking things off. But one thing that will send her running the other way is you whining about it to her. If there's one thing women hate, it's needy, clingy men. I've seen that knee-jerk reaction of men ruin perfectly salvageable relationships time and time again.

Just something to keep in mind :)

[Cerby]

All I can say is I understand what your girlfriend is feeling. I was in a somewhat similar situation, except I wasn't in a committed relationship at the time. I had two men I was talking to at the same time. And it came down to a choice… The one person who I was seeing lived in the same town as me, and the other person had recently moved several states away.

The person several states away and I were extremely close. We talked all the time. Texting. Skyping. All that stuff. The other guy and I would hang out occasionally, and chat on the phone whenever we got the chance. Truth be told, I liked the guy I talked to all the time MORE. But in the end, I chose his friendship and chose to pursue things romantically with the guy I didn't talk to as much.

Honestly, the ball is in your girl's court right now. She's the one who will make the decision, ultimately. If you're not "okay" with her talking to another man all the time, then you're the one who has the issue, and you need to resolve it. Either by laying out the law and hoping she complies, or breaking things off. But one thing that will send her running the other way is you whining about it to her. If there's one thing women hate, it's needy, clingy men. I've seen that knee-jerk reaction of men ruin perfectly salvageable relationships time and time again.

Just something to keep in mind

He has been dating her a year, the decision should have been made months ago. . .I would be getting worried about now too. She shouldn't be "liking" other guys this far in. The year mark is where serious future considerations are usually made, and this girl can't even decide who she is most attracted to.

[Toxic106]

Guys, for a bit of closure...

The guy and I talked a few days ago. He said he's not gonna be her friend anymore because it's recking me and my gf's relationship. My gf was really upset about the news but said that's what's supposed to happen because it's making me unhappy. She said it's like losing a really important friend. She didn't want it to happen but she said there's nothing she could do. For me, I think, if there is truly nothing between them, I think I should be able to handle it. So I told him to stay friends with her, just don't spend too much time together. Not even texts. He kept in contact for that day, and... yesterday, he called my gf. And said, that he can't be friends with my gf anymore because it's recking his relationship with his girlfriend. His gf locked herself in her room for a day, I heard. And he said he was falling for her. My gf was upset... Again. but she didn't do anything about it. The guy cut off my girlfriend. No phone no... no facebook. Completely cuts her off.

That day as I was taking her home, we saw him at her bus stop. My gf freaked. She said she couldn't see him again or she can't pull herself out of it again. I asked why she chose me, she said it's because she loves me. I asked why she didn't choose him. She said it's because she doesn't 'love' him. She just likes him... What hurts me the most is that, she said,... 'I'm in denial but I'm doing it for you. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's not like I'm gonna see him again, he's moving in a couple of weeks anyway.' I don't know whether to be happy that she gave up on him or to be sad because he is so important to her that giving up on him hurts her... We went to another bus stop in the end.

She said, she wanted him to regret ever cutting her off. I have really mixed feelings about this. The fact that she actually 'loved' the guy... hurts me so much. But she stayed with me. In the end. She didn't cheat on me or anything. And she's being really truthful. In the past she hardly ever tells me things but now she does. I'm happy for it but...

Well, that ends this soap drama... Thank you, guys, for hearing me out and, helping me out as well. Thanks for your opinions and, solutions. I'm really grateful.