am i in the wrong?

[jayjay30]

my sons father says he wants to be with me but wont change his status on facebook nor will he say to me or anybody else that we are more than just friends(though all his family now says that no matter what he says we are a couple). SO he is still here. He never left like he said he would.

SO we always fight about one thing and its one thing i just cant give up or change for anybody because its part of who i am as an individual.

I foster dogs for local rescues. I have a beautiful 10 month old lab/mastiff coming tomorrow. If i hadnt said yes i would take him he'd of been euthanised. i cant stand to see a healthy animal destroyed. He doesnt know Thor will be here tomorrow. SO more than likely hell will break out. Ive excepted him the way he is. video game playing butt till all hours of the night. I spend my money..well all the money that comes into in this house is mine as im the only one who brings in any money. animals have always started fights between us. even me feeding a feral colony pisses him off he wants to shoot the cats. of which i would not tolerate.

he uses the excuse that our son got attacked by a dog for hating dogs or the fact that i have fostered and rescued more than 30 dogs in the last 3 years. i dont see either as a valid reason YET his dad is staying here with use and just got a dog BUT that is OKAY!!!!!!

i know this will result in some name calling and a fight but im not giving up on my fostering. Ive been saving animals since i was a child and its a part of who i am. ALSO im doing schooling for a vet tech!!

[leoben]

I don't think you're wrong. Sounds like he's jealous of the attention you give to the animals.

Men can be territorial like that, even if it's with a dog or cat.

[jayjay30]

between my children and my animals i still have time for him. I am an excellent dog trainer. after i do my training for vet tech im going to continue school for a dog trainer or a behaviourist. I want to do something that makes me happy. if he's lucky i wont become a foster fail..lol.

[leoben]

One of my ex's used to prioritize her cat over me. She even joked one time that if the cat and I were drowning she would rescue the cat.

I got urges to shoot that cat, and I actually love cats.

He lives with you and you're getting another dog without telling him first? That's kind of disrespectful even if he useless when it comes to earning money.

[jayjay30]

i dont see why i should tell him. I pay all bills, lease is in my name, i make the money in the house, i clean the house, i take care of the kids.

i never put animals before people especially those i love. i just need something that brings me comfort and peace and that is animals and helping animals.

[Cerby]

I hate my girlfriends ****ing dog. I am a man, and I am territorial. She bought the thing during our relationship and didn't inform me that she was even looking for one. It caused some major waves, and even this weekend she had to get the thing spayed, so I didn't see her at all, and its a holiday weekend.

And don't get my wrong, I love animals, but it showing up out of nowhere really put hurdles in our relationship. But I also have learned to accept it, even though sometimes (like this weekend) I hate it more than ever.

So that said, I can understand why he might be annoyed at the random animals coming into the house.

[jayjay30]

see the thing is i am fostering the dog. im not under any obligation to pay for any medical or anything. the rescue is even paying for food. i just provide a home and training for Thor. thats the great thing about fostering.

[leoben]

i dont see why i should tell him. I pay all bills, lease is in my name, i make the money in the house, i clean the house, i take care of the kids.

i never put animals before people especially those i love. i just need something that brings me comfort and peace and that is animals and helping animals.

I understand your frustration, but why are you with him then? If you're not going to treat him like a partner he will just get more and more resentful towards the animals and it will cause constant friction in the relationship.

[jayjay30]

because i wont give up my one true passion. if i do that then i will resent him. he gets over it fast anyways. he just isnt an animal person. I love him for reasons i dont even understand. lol. we do love eachother and we do b utt heads alot. i know he will get over me fostering thor. he tries to be a hard ass and ends up liking the animals. last time i did this to him i brought home a litter of puppies and had to bottle feed them. he ended up liking them. i just hate having to spring it on him like this. he grew up with animals being disposable and i grew up that they were family members.

[Cerby]

This can probably be solved by better communication. If I was involved in the situation with my gf a bit more and had a little bit more say in what/when it happened, I would be a lot less resentful right now.

Yes, you can say "its my life, my choice, and he has to deal with it", but when you're with someone, their opinion should, and does matter.

Have you had a serious conversation with him, one where no anger was present? Or have you always just sprung it on him and let him deal with it however he can?

[jayjay30]

tried conversations it ends up with him telling me my like of animals is stupid and so on and so forth. I mean our relationship makes no sense to alot of people. yet we've broken up and we couldnt sleep without the other we where both jerks to everybody else because we where miserable. when we are together we just click and work well together except for some minor things. I think he will eventually realize that without animals im not whole im not me. i think he already has realized this. i just dont like conflict either i try to do stuff like the animal stuff without bothering him because he isnt into it. I go out of my way to learn about the stuff he enjoys, games systems and electronics. i guess this is the only thing about me he doesnt get. He gets everything else about me. its like right now im sitting in the dark on my laptop he is in the bedroom playing his video game. he'll come to bed at 2am and i'll wake up as soon as he gets in bed, give him a massage and then we both go to bed. weird huh. He's the first man that has ever made me feel safe and secure. i dont get it.

[HeartIsAching]

Yeah... he's engaging in controlling behavior. It's not that he resents the animals, he resents that they take your attention off of him. The denigration of your passion is emotional abuse. The name-calling is emotional abuse. The not-working and sponging off of you is economic abuse. The attempts at isolation and control are also abuse. You need to get an eviction notice served on him and get him the hell out of your life.

Just my personal opinion.

[blent]

Yeah... he's engaging in controlling behavior. It's not that he resents the animals, he resents that they take your attention off of him. The denigration of your passion is emotional abuse. The name-calling is emotional abuse. The not-working and sponging off of you is economic abuse. The attempts at isolation and control are also abuse. You need to get an eviction notice served on him and get him the hell out of your life.

Just my personal opinion.

it's not abuse when someone disagrees with you... if he doesn't want a dog around he has every right to express that concern. to say that he's being abusive instead of simply disagreeing is abusive in itself because you're preventing him from expressing certain emotions.

a lot of users on this forum are very quick to judge... try paying attention to both sides of the story.

[jayjay30]

Yeah... he's engaging in controlling behavior. It's not that he resents the animals, he resents that they take your attention off of him. The denigration of your passion is emotional abuse. The name-calling is emotional abuse. The not-working and sponging off of you is economic abuse. The attempts at isolation and control are also abuse. You need to get an eviction notice served on him and get him the hell out of your life.

Just my personal opinion.

we've been together for 3 years had 2 wonderful years and this past year he started hanging with 'old friends'. he started putting me down, needing his space, bitching about everything and anything i did/do before that he was supportive then suddenly bam things just went down hill. SOMETIMES i think he has two personalities-having been in abusive relationships this makes no sense. His 'old friends' told him i had changed him, that i wore the pants in the relationship, that he needed to go back to the old him-the asshat he has become. so he broke up with me, broke our engagement just wanted tobe friends moved out. NOW he is back and im not sure if he is back to his old self. the old friends are now gone-i managed that one when i showed him teh texts i was getting telling me to dump him. he's been cooking dinner lately, helping with the kids. I know i should tell him bout thor but i figured he still wants to say we are just friends then i dont see why i should ask him if its okay. when he stops saying we are just friends then i will ask his opinion. god this is SOOO messed up. Im bipolar and i dont even changed moods as much as him!!

[Cerby]

This problem sounds much deeper than just a dog issue. . .