We had a 1.5 year relationship and she decided she wanted a break. she made me wait on edge, nervous and depressed after i gave her lots of time but the 3rd time i asked her when the break will be over she finally left me, and admited she made that decision 9 days after we went on break, so basically i was strung along and going through this for nothing.
Its been 2 months and I cant get over her. I think about her everyday even after meeting other girls and it makes me depressed and just end up doing drugs(which ive never done before) and drinking.
She will never talk to me again and I feel like the lowest scum on earth because I saw her a month after we broke up and I was really drunk and my emotions were out of whack and i made fun of her and revealed deep secrets in front of her friends and spit on her(i didnt do this because she wanted to break up, i was upset because i reguarded her as the most honest person i ever met but she couldnt break up with me when she wanted it, and said she 'wanted to be friends and loved me' after the break up but never bothered to contact me).
how do i get over her and forgive myself?