Should i give my girlfriend another chance?

[Alan Guillermo]

Ok im going to try and make this short, although it might be hard.. by the way were both 19 years old..

I've been with my Girlfriend for almost 2 Years now. We were talking for about 6 months before that. I love her to death and with all my heart, i can not see myself without her. She seemed like the perfect girl, she spends the weekend at my house every other week or so, she used to stay for up to a week but she got a job so only weekends are sleep over time

From when we started talking she always had guy friends, not a lot a lot, but a few, i was well aware of that, i know she's a cool person and really easy to get along with, she used to have little get togethers at her house and invite all her friends including guys.. this was before we got together. Even my guy friends say shes a cool person to talk to.. She used to always have a 3 way conversation with her 2 guy friends she used to go to school with. It used to be the 3 of them + another girl, but shes no longer friends with that girl, so her guy friends call her and the other girl separately now. She would always tell me about her guy friends and stuff when we started talking, she said how her group of friends is just her and another girl friend and like 3-4 guys. I didn't care much back then.

Shes always invited me to go meet her friends and stuff but i simply refused too. i just dont want to. shes met all my friends however..

So fast forward about a year and a half, everything is going good from what i know. Then one day i come home from school and shes texting, i ask who it is and i try to peek over to see and she kinda moves the phone, i freak and overreact, she said it was her guy friend from from school and they were just talking about school and i could even see the messages if i like, i refused to view them and just ignored her, . We were best friends before we got together, i always told her im probably the MOST JEALOUS GUY you will ever meet blah blah, i told her how with my EX i wouldn't let her talk to any guys and so on. She said she pulled away the phone as a reaction because she knows how i am, she knows i can go crazy over such a small thing.

Im not going to lie, im hard headed, extremely jealous person, and i absolutely HATE when guys to or text my girlfriend. I have always been like that and i know it sucks, i wish i could change, im just such an insecure person.

So after that incident like i said i ignored her the the rest of the night, and she wouldn't stop crying saying shes sorry and kept asking if i was going to leave her, i said NO just leave me alone okay.. I got over that incident pretty fast wasn't a HUGE deal to me.. i Don't blame her, she knows how i am when i get mad, i get fierce.

Several months go by and everything is good, she still always comes to my house to visit me every other week and we spend the whole weekend together everytime and its just great.

I forgot to add she lives about an Hour and A half away from me, i used to ALWAYS drive to her and pick her up and bring her back to my house for the weekend or even for a week. It was always me going to her, Then she finally got a job and a car, and now SHE always comes to me no matter what, i do not even bother going to where she lives anymore, i know this might seem wrong but the reason i don't is because im just SO USED to having her come over and having her sleep over for a few days. So driving all the way to her to see her for just one day or something feels like its not worth it? I would rather wait a week and have her just come for the weekend and sleep over, rather than wasting gas and driving 200 miles in a day just so i could see her for a a few hours..

And i know it kills her knowing i don't drive to her anymore to just hangout for a day or so.. but ive been meaning to lately..

I would also like to add that SHE HAS ALWAYS GIVEN me her passwords to her FACE BOOK, Myspace, EMAIL, and let me check her phone whenever i want, she would always log in to facebook in front of me and show me pictures and whats going on with her friends and stuff. i could literally grab her phone out of her purse without her permission and she wont say anything, because she knows how insecure i am. She has never gotten defensive towards me about a guy..

so let me get to the point. So fast forward to 2 weeks ago, i decide for the very first time i want to log in to her facebook... i don't have a facebook by the way..

and i notice comments from guys and stuff, not often, but from a few months ago and what not. it upset me, but what really made me mad is a post she had on her facebook... about 6 months ago she went to a Skate park with her sisters and her sisters friends, at least thats what she told me, she said she was taking them, shes into skating and cars and stuff which i could see why guys talk to her a lot but still.. but anyways i saw one of her posts and i noticed she DIDNT JUST GO WITH HER sister and her sisters friends to the skate park, she also went with 3 of her guy friends from high school ( she graduated under a year ago ) , it was the guy friends she would always hang out with at school and stuff and have get togethers with them and her girlfriends as well. So basically these are friends i knew about. But for some reason i had in my mind that she completely stop communication with them, well because she knows how i am. So that really upset me, she basically lied to me about going to the skate park with just her sisters and her sisters friends? because she never mentioned her guy friends going, i think its because she knew i would freak and i just not talk to her.. which i probably would.. but still, should she have told me she was going with her guy friends anyway? if she did then like i said i know i would get mad and ignore her yeah.. thats how i am

so after that a lot of arguing starts, im calling her a liar and telling her how she could hide things from me.. she said she never meant to, and she never told me because she knew exactly how i would react.. Crazy..

At this point im just furious...

I also checked her messages on facebook and saw this guy giving his number to her, and this guy was a guy she kinda of went out with for a week or two like over 2 years ago, all they did was kiss once but still it pisses me off. And in the message the guys giving his number to her and saying you should hit me up blah blah and she responds saying yeah i will...
this message was from 6 months ago keep that in mind..

So i confronted her about that and she SAID SHE NEVER EVEN TEXTED HIM. and that he DOESNT EVEN HAVE HER NUMBER BECAUSE THEY NEVER TEXTED. im just LIKE BS!! of course you did! I made her swear to me shes not lying about ever texting him even if it was once .. I said you can be honest and tell me that you did text him ,i would rather have you BE HONEST NOW then to find out your LYING later... so she swore on her baby brothers life.. so i guess i believed her.. I just wanted her to come clean about EVERYTHING!

Few days later she comes over, i tell her to give me her phone, and she hands it over no questions asked , i text the guy who gave her his number, and what do you know, He DOES have her number. I texted him saying Hey! and he responded saying Hey Whats up So obviously he DOES HAVE HER NUMBER and they HAVE TEXTED! I caught her lying again. This time i freaked, went crazy in front of her, didn't hit her though i would never do that, i started punching the wall and just yelling and cursing non stopped.. boy was i pissed..... She said she was so sorry and she didnt want to tell me because she knew exactly how i would react and she didn't want that.. she kept claiming i would never understand because im so hard headed. she also said i can check her phone bills to see that they only texted like twice throughout those months and not even for a whole day..

She eventually started crying and telling me SHE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME blah blah and that she has never even come to close to cheating.. So im just mad cussing at her telling her to shut up and leave me alone.. i eventually told her to get the **** out and leave and go home and i pushed her out my door... Then my mom comes out and starts talking to her outside my house for about 30 min.. My mom was just saying give him time, when he gets mad he gets mad blah blah, and she kept telling my mom that she didn't even really do anything wrong, i think she was referring to cheating because i feel that she did something wrong by still talking to her guy friends and knowing that i was a really jealous guy. I used to tell her that when i was with my EX everyone pretty much knew not to talk to my girl.... so i thought i gave her enough clues to know that she SHOULDNT TALK TO GUYS! because i hate it! i guess it wasnt enough to convince her...

What really pissed me off is that she swore on her baby brothers life and lied yet again! after i begged her to come clean, i just wanted to know if she texted that guy or not! even if it was once. but then again she kept saying she was scared of my reaction, she said she knew i wouldn't give her a chance to explain and i would just go off on her and start cursing and so on..because thats how i am when i get mad..

So at this point i dont even know if i can trust her and it sucks. im heartbroken. She keeps telling me shes willing to give up communication with all guys just for me, and she said she already told a guy from work who texted her to stop texting her, and he hasnt texted her since.

Shes willing to have me check her phone bills EVERYDAY to make sure shes not texting guys, and she doesn't have a problem with me looking through her old phone statements to check if she ever texted any other guys BESIDES ME all day long. or at least texted another guy everyday for a certain amount of time.. because i will not put up with that. Theres only guy she has to text everyday and all day and thats me.. i mean i get that her old guy friends text her randomly, and i checked a few bills and saw that those conversations dont even last that long and she ignores lots of their calls and texts sometimes.. but im still mad..

she told me she has texted her guy friends occasionally ( same ones from high school she always hung out with ) when we were together, not an everyday thing, but maybe once once a month. once every 2 months, or even twice a month.. just random, and i noticed they always text her and call her first as well.. I think my girlfriend is sometimes to nice to ignore people, she has a big heart, and i kinda dont like that at times.. shes too nice. she even gave her Leader who is a guy from work a ride home once, and that pissed me off. Im just glad she at least told me about it. i told her never to do it again and she said ok i wont... he also said that hes been texting her lately and that they talk about me and stuff, which i think is bullcrap, she said to check her phonebills and she can prove that its always him texting her first and that she started ignoring him the last 2 weeks until she finally just told him dont text me..

she also said that they still do call her randomly at night sometimes, sometimes pretty damn late, but i can't seem to imagine what kind of guys like to 3 way a girl at night? i mean i get that they were friends for a long time but i just cant seem to understand.. She said she DOESNT ALWAYS pick up but she does sometimes, but she said she hasn't talk to them much these last few months and she keeps on insisting i check her phone bill to prove it.

I don' want to have to check her damn phone bills everyday, thats not comforting at all knowing i have to do that

She already deleted her facebook she said she did it to prove to me she doesnt need to talk to anyone else besides me and her 2 girlfriends which she can easily text. she also deleted every single MALE phone number from her phone book except for mine of course and whoever is family..

what do you guys suggest i do. im seriously confused.

am i a pshyco jealous boy friend?

or is my GF just playing games with me and lying to me?

should i give her another chance? Or do you guys think im the bad one? am i being to nice by giving her another chance? I always tell her that she shouldn't be with me, im such a controlling boyfriend who gets super jeaous and stuff and i tell her you deserve better, i also tell her wouldnt she want someone who isnt jealous lets you hang out with guys blah blah

and she always just says im the only guy she needs and shes ready to give up everything for me.. even talking to her girlfriends, but i would never make her do that, thats wrong.

She texts me everyday, saying how much she loves me and she promises she wont ever talk to a guy ever again, and she has the bills to prove it from now on and blah blah, she says she loves me so much and cant lose me and all this stuff.. shes always written me cards, bought me little gifts, makes me all this cute stuff like drawings and stuff, she said all she talks about with her girlfriends is me, and shes absolutely crazy about me.. she said shes been depressed these last few weeks and claims to have lost weight since we started fighting..

She says she never realized how serious i actually was when i told her i was a jealous person. She says she will never let it happen again.. she says she knows she messed up and shes so sorry but she knows it can be different and things can go back to the way they used to be.. even better..

she also said shes going to quit her job and find a new one, and i think its because im bothered by that guy at work who always asks her for rides, i dont care if thats her Leader at work i just dont...


what should i do? i need some opinions...

[Mathias]

Oh, my God.

You need help. This isn't even normal jealousy. This is full out emotional abuse.

Go see a counselor. Leave the poor girl alone until you get your shit together.

[jayjay30]

get counseling and anger management. cause dont seclude her from her friends. thats no way to be in any relationship. if she was smart she'd leave you because the way you are acting is uncalled for. so what she has male friends. i have male friends that i text and talk to on my facebook and talk to in person. she will grow to resent you eventually.

as for her lying she knew you'd freak out do you blame her. if it was the other way around wouldnt you do the same as her?

[Mathias]

get counseling and anger management. cause dont seclude her from her friends. thats no way to be in any relationship. if she was smart she'd leave you because the way you are acting is uncalled for. so what she has male friends. i have male friends that i text and talk to on my facebook and talk to in person. she will grow to resent you eventually.

as for her lying she knew you'd freak out do you blame her. if it was the other way around wouldnt you do the same as her?

She's afraid to leave. That's pretty obvious given how much she's given him.

No sane person does that unless they're scared.

[Alan Guillermo]

i know i need help, i know im super jealous, control freak. and get mad when she talks to guys

i know that

but for one second can you guys put yourself in my shoes?

if you guys read the whole article i appreciate it i know its long

but for those who did, after what she did, the lies, and stuff, do i give her another chance, or is this really all on me for being out of control. do you guys honestly think she had the right to do what she did and lie and so on?

i really appreciate you guys for helping and i know i need help, but im also madly in love

i also dont get what you meant by shes scared to leave? and no sane person does what unless theyre scared?

I know im an angry person, i can get very out of control, but just know i would NEVER lay a hand on a female ever, ill punch walls yes and break things, but laying a hand on a woman is a big no in my book, never even thought about it, although you guys might not believe me seeing all the problems i have..

[VincenzoG91]

You should break up with her. Not because she did anything wrong, but because you are not yet capable of handling a relationship. Apologize and let her go.

Can't have love without trust, and you have some serious trust issues.

[jayjay30]

put myself in your shoes. how bout i've been in her shoes. i lost all my friends my family it started out how you are and turned into physical abuse. you need to let her go before you damage her emotionally and mentally not to mention physically. just let her go and try to fix your self first.

[Mathias]

i know i need help, i know im super jealous, control freak. and get mad when she talks to guys

i know that

but for one second can you guys put yourself in my shoes?

if you guys read the whole article i appreciate it i know its long

but for those who did, after what she did, the lies, and stuff, do i give her another chance, or is this really all on me for being out of control. do you guys honestly think she had the right to do what she did and lie and so on?

i really appreciate you guys for helping and i know i need help, but im also madly in love

i also dont get what you meant by shes scared to leave? and no sane person does what unless theyre scared?

I know im an angry person, i can get very out of control, but just know i would NEVER lay a hand on a female ever, ill punch walls yes and break things, but laying a hand on a woman is a big no in my book, never even thought about it, although you guys might not believe me seeing all the problems i have..

She lied because she's scared shitless of you.

I know you're not going to lay a hand on her. Your abuse is emotional, not physical.

If you really loved her, you'd tell her:

"I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you. I've been a terrible boyfriend, and you never deserved to be treated that way. I'm going to get help, and when I get better, I hope we can get a cup of coffee."

[VincenzoG91]

Make that decaf coffee for him.

[Alan Guillermo]

So you guys think it was OKAY for her to lie like that? Or at least do something without telling me? Its just hard because i used to believe she was 100% honest, and now i know she wasn't because of guys.

I just feel like she should have been honest with me when i asked her to be

and she wasn't completely honest until i found out that she really did text this certain she told me she had never texted..

then she came clean about a lot of stuff and said she didn't want to hurt my feeling or for me to over react and she knew i wouldnt give her a chance to explain and a bunch of cursing would arise and so on.

but honestly it seems like your typical excuse from every girl... oh i didnt want to hurt you, i didn't tell you because i love you and i didnt want to lose you blah blah..


thanks again guys.. i appreciate it..

[Mathias]

So you guys think it was OKAY for her to lie like that? Or at least do something without telling me? Its just hard because i used to believe she was 100% honest, and now i know she wasn't because of guys.

I just feel like she should have been honest with me when i asked her to be

and she wasn't completely honest until i found out that she really did text this certain she told me she had never texted..

then she came clean about a lot of stuff and said she didn't want to hurt my feeling or for me to over react and she knew i wouldnt give her a chance to explain and a bunch of cursing would arise and so on.

but honestly it seems like your typical excuse from every girl... oh i didnt want to hurt you, i didn't tell you because i love you and i didnt want to lose you blah blah..


thanks again guys.. i appreciate it..

This is not a typical excuse. This is a girl scared to confront you, so she's trying to live a somewhat normal life without upsetting you.

No, she probably shouldn't lie to you. But this isn't about her. You need to stop concentrating on that.

Get help. Please.

[HeartIsAching]

Give HER another chance?!

I want to know why she should give YOU another chance? Holy crap. You've got issues. Big issues... HYOOOOOOOOOOGE issues. Get help. Yesterday isn't soon enough.

[Alan Guillermo]

No, she probably shouldn't lie to you. But this isn't about her. You need to stop concentrating on that.

Get help. Please.

Thats all i really needed to know, if she should've lied to me or not, i hate LIES and LIARS

you don't lie to someone you love

[Mathias]

Thats all i really needed to know, if she should've lied to me or not, i hate LIES and LIARS

you don't lie to someone you love

Get help. Now. This reaction is not normal, how you are is not normal, and you are hurting this poor girl.

You do NOT do that to someone YOU love. You're much, much, much worse in this scenario, and you keep concentrating on her. Stop.

[VincenzoG91]

Sometimes people tell very serious lies to cover up really bad behavior, like cheating on a boyfriend.

Sometimes people tell little white lies that help smooth over slightly awkward situations. "No, that dress doesn't make you look fat."

Sometimes people tell lies to avoid dealing with a problem. The lies aren't serious, but they really aren't ready to face the problem yet. I think that's the situation here. The problem is that your jealousy is so bad that it's going to be constantly interfere with your happiness in any relationship. From what you have described, I seriously doubt that she was doing anything shady with these guys, she just wanted to do something sociable with a group of people that included her sister and some male friends. But she is so worried about your extreme jealousy that she would rather lie about it than confront your irrational outlook. This will eventually lead to trouble anyway, because it's not going to work out for you two. She is a woman who has some male friends, and you're a jealous guy. One of you will either need to change a lot, or there will be trouble, and since you're the unreasonable one, it should be you.