Insight Needed! Pleasee read :/

[Socboyv2]

I am 18 years old and I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months and a few days. This month I had to decide on a college for the next four years of my life. Our relationship in these past 10 months have been amazing, I've fallen in love with her and I love her with all my heart. She feels the same way, but now I did not choose the same college as the one she is attending and now shes upset/dissappointed/ and mad. Before i left for disneyworld about 2 weeks ago i told her the day i left that i would be going to Manhattan College, and she is attending St.Thomas Aquinas College. Being upset she didnt really text me over when i was gone and when i came back things started to get shaky. She now thinks that i dont love her as much as i uesd to along with not respecting her because i chose a different college to her. I keep on telling her that i love her so much and that we can get through college. We are only 20-25 mins apart. She said things wont be the same because i cant see her everyday like we still do. She says that she doesnt feel special, and she always tells me to fix it, and its clear that the only way to fix it is if i change my school that i will be attending in the fall. I love her so much and i want to be with her its just that Manhattan has better oppurtunities for Engineering and a better business program. She thinks im taking money over her. I dont know what to say to her because i still want to have an amazing relationship with her like in the past. She says its not the same, and its never going to be. She said that shes not happy when shes with me like when we see each other. i dont know what to say to this, or what to do in this situation. I used to always help with her problems, and now i feel blehhhhh Please give me some insight. Thank you so much

[Dune]

From my understanding of your situation, I would say that you have acted pretty responsibly. If I were you, I would've done the same thing by choosing a place to go that offers me better opportunities. Furthermore, it's not THAT far. 20 to 25 minutes apart is barely a problem. Seriously!

Personally, she seems all whiny about it. Maybe she needs more reassurance as your actions probably made her a lil insecure. Take her out and have some special nights etc.

That's all I got

[doppelgaenger]

My advice is to take money over her. The best thing to do in these going to college situations is to always break up. You're going your own separate ways in life... maintaining any sort of relationship with her now will hinder you (and also her) from success. You'll be happier if you just break up with her, and so will she... not the easiest thing to realize since it's a difficult predicament to face, but trust me, I was there once, too.

So sit her down, tell her that because you love her, it has to end. Wish her all the best in everything, and cut off all contact.

Good luck with college.

[Socboyv2]

Back to Dune!
Every thing i say to her she finds it wrong, and when i tell her i still love her and care about her she says that i would have fixed it. I care that shes upset and i tell her that and she always tells me that if i cared that she was upset i would change schools and go to college with her. I do love her and i wish to continue to go through everything with her. We always talked about the future, and i know that there are other women out there but i feel that i can be with this woman after i get out of college. She always used to say we were meeant to be but now shes saying that shes confused and she doesnt know if she wants to stay with me because she doesnt know that i love her.the reason for her saying that is that i went to a different school and she doenst think shes important to me or special. She says she doesnt feel important or special anymore which is not true because shes up top at my heart right now and i cant just sit her down because everything i say she says its not the same and its never going to be the same and she says its not fair to her.

[Dune]

Every thing i say to her she finds it wrong, and when i tell her i still love her and care about her she says that i would have fixed it

My ex frequently says the same. What they want is proof that they can see/feel that you love/care for them. Although sometimes, girls tend to be demanding. Logically, you are NOT wrong. But also like you again, I have tried countless times to logic things with my ex. Personal experience, 90% of the time, logic NEVER works. I'm as clueless as you here, although I would speculate that doing special stuff for her may take her mind of the main issue and probably go easier on you.

I do love her and i wish to continue to go through everything with her.

Good that you have devotion. Don't overdo your commitment though. I don't mean that you should cheat. Just mean that you cannot show it to her that you are hers completely or be a pushover etc. It's a psychological thing and it makes you look less attractive and less confident. So don't be so clingy. You may not be like this but I just thought of pointing it out. Don't want you making the same mistakes as I.

because she doesnt know that i love her.

This is because she is insecure. She equates your inability to go to the same college as you not loving her enough to do so. Try to make her see things from your point of view. I know it's hard because she won't really listen but simplistically, Better college opportunity = Better career = Better life = Better life when with her = More happiness.

she says its not the same and its never going to be the same and she says its not fair to her.

I don't see you forcing her to go the same college as you. Bottom line, she feels that you are unwilling to accommodate her. People have differences. There will always be a need for give and take. Compromise is important in relationships. It ain't a bed of roses as they say. If such an issue cannot be overcome at this stage just because of a conflict of interest, how would things be like in the future when bigger issues arise? She needs to be more mature about this. Unfortunately, I have no remedy for that.

Short term - Bring her out just for the kicks of it to spend more quality time with her (to make her feel special/loved etc.) Don't overdo this step and don't be too over-accommodating (as it encourages her whiny behaviour. She'll start to think that nagging/throwing a fit at you will make you give her attention)

Long term - Talk it out. Try different approaches if straight forward logic don't work. My mistake? I tried straight forward logic one too many times. The folly? My ex never understood. Puzzles me to this day. Women think differently from men.

Suggestions - You can try to schedule REGULAR outings for the both of you to meet up if she likes the idea.

Just for your entertainment. Note that not everything in this pdf file applies. You don't have to take it word for word but some of the concepts do prove useful:
[url]http://www.bombaybookclub.com/download/Men%20Are%20From%20Mars,%20Women%20Are%20From%20Ve nus.pdf[/url]

Good luck.

[novocane]

How DARE you choose the best college for your personal goals? You are so selfish!

/end sarcasm

Your girlfriend sounds very immature. Why should you have to go to a school you don't want to, just to appease her? If she can't understand that this college is what you want for yourself, then she really isn't worth it. 20 minutes is not that far away, either.

My advice to you would be to end it, and then a year from now look back and see what a great choice you made. What if you went to some school you didn't want to, just for a girl? Don't make that mistake!

[reeba]

You are only 20 minutes apart and she is upset? I agree with the other posts - she sounds immature, demanding, needy.......

First, you will be in engineering classes. EVEN if you two went to the same school, chances are your dorms/apartments will be 20 minutes away, since you are an engineering chances are you will have no common classes, and you will be pretty busy. If you were at the same school - would she make you change majors and take the same classes as her too if she thought you didn't have enough 'together' time?