No contact ...Help

[sparrow1023]

Ok so me and my girlfriend were in a relationship for almost a year and a half. Towards the end of the relationship it just felt like something was missing “spark was gone”. When the break up came I wasn’t surprised because I had been feeling something was wrong also. I didn’t want it but I agreed to it…and this was done through text message after I left her house one night because she said she couldn’t do it in person and didn’t even want to hear my voice because it would upset her and she wouldn’t be able to go through with it. So after that night I realized that I really don’t want to loose this girl and we texted for the next couple days. We talked about the problems with the relationship and the main thing was a lack of communication. Neither of us knew how serious the other one really was about each other. She said she often thought this could be the guys I married and I told her I felt the same way about her. She said she wished I would have told her these things a week ago and she probably would have never left me. Things like this weren’t often talked about in our relationship and we never fought about anything either. I think one problem was we both kept everything inside. I did the whole pleading for another chance and texting for the next couple days. She said she still loved me and we found each other attractive but she just needs space. The one main thing was that she hasn’t been single for about four years she started dating me right after she broke up with her ex and she said she just doesn’t know what its like to be on her own anymore and she wasn’t time to figure things out. It doesn’t have anything to do with any other guy she just wants to be alone and spend time with her friends. She is twenty and im twenty three and I feel like right now she is realizing that her and her friends are growing up and growing apart from one another and she doesn’t like the idea of that. She doesn’t know what she is going to school for and didn’t have a job at the time her life was kinda mixed up. A couple days after the break up I cut my hair short which was the first time I have done that since I was about ten. She saw the pictures and was excited and said she like it. So two weeks ago I started no contact I just stopped texting all together after a flirty conversation about hanging out and seeing each other that ended with her saying she doesn’t wasn’t me waiting for her and she thinks that im counting on getting back together and that not what she wants. So I have been going out a lot having a good time and letting facebook know about it because I know she still checks my profile…I feel like this is some messed up test to see if I will just move on right away. So after nine days of no contact she texted me casually talking about a book she is reading that I have already read and asked how I was doing in the middle of the conversation. I know she still has feelings for me that stuff just doesn’t go away when a week before her friends are telling me how much she loves me but she doesn’t think I love her like that. So now were at week two I don’t really go on her profile but I did find out that she dyed her hair black and she got a full time job five days a week she is keeping busy. So now were at two weeks of no contact today and all I want to do is talk to her. Yesterday she liked a status I put on facebook that was about a song we like and our astrology signs that said the two of us were good together. Why is she liking that? she has to still care and she is obviously checking on my facebook. Do I still have a chance with this girl…I hate this so much but had to talk to someone about it ..and sorry for the book.

[ufas1987]

Your going through the same thing I am! I find this very interesting. I as well have started the "no contact". I found a self help book that really explained it. I think you still have a very good chance at getting back with her, but hold your ground. You dont want to become needy and become depressed all over again. Be short with her and dont talk as much and it will make her want you that much more. This is kinda my belief. I actually came on to this forum to ask a question about this no contact and maybe you or someone alse can help. I was with a recently divorced girl for 5 months. She was with her ex for 7 years...long time! Im 24 and shes 28. We had a very loving relationship but 4 months in I asked her if she ever considered getting married again...just something I needed to know...I wasnt trying to rush her at all! She told me she really didnt know and she didnt want to give me false hope. After that I felt there was something wrong...like the spark was gone. I asked her whats wrong and she didnt want to tell me. So I started becoming needy and not giving her space. When we broke up she told me she cares about me and loved me but shes not ready for a relationship plus she wanted me to have time to get ahold of my emotions and stop being so needy and depressed. Finally after we broke up she told me her ex was contacting her saying very bad things and hurting her self esteem plus she had family problems. She said everything fell down in her all at once and she couldnt deal with that and my depression. Well...I wouldnt of been depressed if i knew why she was upset. I thought it was me! We talked for awhile...then it got less and less. 2 weeks ago we saw eachother at the bar. at first she didnt want to go out because she knew it hurt me to hang out with her just as friends because there has been times id just leave cuz it hurt so much. I told her i would be ok and to come out. Everything went great. After she left she txt me telling be how much fun she had and how she wished things were different. I told her I wish it was too. She told me she hopes we can both get the help we need so we can be better together someday and I agreed. A couple days went by after that and we didnt talk. That sunday night she txted me asking how my weekend was and asked how I was doing. I told her I still miss her very much. The next day she accused my of stalking her on facebook because I "liked"everything she liked...kinda childish. I told her I wasnt and I just see her stuff on there and we have a lot of things in common and she finds things i dont. After that she told me I should come to her house and get the rest of my stuff. Its been there for a month. I figured she was mad at me. Well I went and got it...I asked her if she was mad and explained in more detial why this isnt stalking. She said she was sorry...she told me she had past ex's stalk her. We came to the conclusion that I wasnt and we talked about the relationship and why I acted the way I did. If she told me what was bothering her I wouldnt of became needy and depressed. We both came to an understanding...she said she still cared about me...i said did too and left. Thats the last I talked to her. My buddies girlfriend said that she told her it was a good talk. So this is when I started the no contact with the goal of a month. If she does talk to me im going to keep it short and not start throwing out feelings. This whold stalking thing still bothers me tho. She needs to stop thinking Im going to do the same things her past relationships did to hurt her because Im not going to do it!!! Even tho she said she was sorry for saying that I still feel scared to even be on facebook when I know she home and she might be on. I can tell she is because her chat thing says online. I few weeks ago even before She said she wished things were different I told her I wanted to move on...she ended up taking pics of us off facebook. she knows I dont want to move on but my question is when this not contact thing is going on should i take my pics of us down too?? And also since this no contact thing is to make her miss me and wonder what im doing...should I even go on facebook when she might be on?? Im thinking if I do she knows where I am and wont worry and miss me.I know that sounds bad but I want her to feel the love she use to feel before all this. this had been on my mind all week. with my ranting does anyone think that I have a change getting back with her again?? Sometimes I feel like im wasting my time but most of the time I really want this to work.

haha Its ok man...I wrote a book too Ive written many of them

Hopefully this all made since...When my mind starts rolling my fingers cant keep up

PS. facebook is the devil!!!

[DarkHelmet82]

Im going through a similar situation. My goal is june 8th (day after my birthday) to do the NC thing.... at that point I am not sure what to do.... I wrote down everything I want to say to her.. but the more I think about it the more I think that it is the wrong move to tell her how I feel, I have heard numerous times.. if you play it cool and pretend it doesnt bother you it will make the girl want you more.. Im just afraid if I do that she will move on too... this is a really hard decision and I am stuggling with it greatly... and yeah facebook is the devil.. which is why i deactivated my account... i found myself checking out my ex every 20 minutes... yeah i know.....

[ufas1987]

ive been thinking about that too but I have a lot of friends back home and thats the only way I keep in contact with them. haha Ive thought about telling my buddies girlfriend to change my password for me so I cant go on it I really trust her to do that for me...shes prob the only one id trust to do that. I dont check all the time but I get this big feeling of sadness when i see pics of her and see she has been on. And also when I get on and see shes on I click stright out! Im sure she sees mt chat thing pop up...I dont know how to turn that off


And I totally agree! Im affraid she will move on too...but thats the reason she broke up...she wasnt ready for a relationship yet. She was with the guy for 7 years married for 4. She just wants to be with friends. And all her friends are married women she works with.

I think this is easier on her than me because she has people around her all day. All my friends work the same shift so Im on my own all day....gets lonely and gives me lots of time to think

GGGGRRRRRR Facebook!!!!!

[smackie9]

She has figured out that her life is changing and needs to experience the new things ahead of her, like clubbing, dancing, flirting and getting the attention of other guys...party time! She needs her freedom to grow, and to get into a life as an adult....she is learning she is the one that has to be responsible for herself, earn a living, live on her own, etc.

Ending a LTR and getting over one is never easy. You both are in a adjustment period, missing each other, still having feelings for each other, and keep going over the memories of each other. But time changes that. You get busy, find new things to do, meet new people and yes find a new sexual interest. Eventually you two will just grow apart to go onto a new beginning, and all the rest becomes a distant memory.

[ufas1987]

thats the reason she broke up with me...she needed time to figure out her problems. She could of done that with me if I wasnt acted so negtive. We broke up on good terms so when shes ready and knows I still care for her...wouldnt she want to be back with me? It could happen but i just cant see her moving right into another relationship with someone else.

[smackie9]

People change and want to move on and experience a new life. This chapter of her life is finished, she has now turned the page.

[smackie9]

Why would she want to be stuck in a relationship when she can be free to do whatever she wants? You are right she won't be moving into another relationship.....she is her own person now.

[sparrow1023]

well i learned facebook can help you just need to avoid her... i made it so none of her or her friends stuff comes up on my home page so now i dont see her stuff but she sees all my posts about bachelor parties and bars and movies. So she can see that im not just sitting around being depressed. The thing that confuses me is if your over us and want to figure things out on your own why were you so scared to meet up after we broke up, she must still have strong feelings. Im gonna just try to stick the month out and ask her out to lunch or something just to catch up and show her that im not just mourning...And also just the fact that if we really new how each other felt it would be a completely different story right now but once she made the decision to break up she didnt want to go back and change it.

[nacus]

Facebook is really evil. If I were you I would delete her from your friends, and encourage your friends to do the same. It may seem petty, but you need time to heal, and seeing all her stuff will not allow you to do that. And trust me when she does get in a relationship, and she will, you will not want to see that pop up on your page. It is devastating! And all the work you have done to put her in the past, it will be gone in a second.

A similar thing happened to me, and well, my girlfriend dumped me 1 month ago this week. And just this weekend on FB it poped up she is now engaged. I would have never found out except for one of my friend did not delete her, so as soon as it came up he called me and told me. I know he was trying to protect me by saying, dude WTF is up with you EX, she must be crazy, good thing you not with her anymore. But no matter what it hurts really bad.

And in the future if you guys start to get back together it is very simple one click to be FB buddies again.

[ufas1987]

but see...I want to heal but Im not healing to get over her...I want to heal so I can get her back. She said we have a chance if I stop acting all depressed and miserable and start acting like I was when we met. I told her I wouldnt be like this if she would of just talked to me instead of breaking up with me. She said its something she has to do because shes hurting to much from her past merriage and she didnt want to hurt me....I know it sounds like theres something else behind it but her and I have talked about whats bothering her after we broke up and I truly believe what shes saying. She felt she wasnt ready to jump into a new relationship that soon and when I felt there was something wrong I became depressed and acting childish. She said she needs someone to be her rock and not a crying little boy. I want to be her rock but this break up really crushed me.

today I wanted to call her and ask her for something I left at her house....i dont really need it. But that means breaking the no contact. Only been a week since we talked....is it to early?? I know it sounds early but its just upsetting to me that she hasnt tried to talk to me yet. I was thinking if I go pick it up and show her that Im in a better mood and am more comfortable she will start thinking things are changing for the better. I want to make it quick...just grab it and leave. Is this a good idea or no??? I know a week isnt a long time but Ive never not talked to her for this long...Im scared she said she cared but doesnt. Im thinking shes using this time to heal herself from her past.

I hope everyday that she will contact me...it will def boost my spirts. I know thats not a good thing to do but I just cant shake it.

[sparrow1023]

If i delete her she wont see my page either and since im not contacting her i was her to see i am having fun without her and i have a life other than her...before we were hanging out everyday we became eachothers life and i think that pushed us apart but now i want her to see that its not like that now..and i dont see anything of hers on facebook but our mutual friends would see it and say something so there isnt a point..and if i were you i would wait longer before contacting her my ex contacted me after nine days and now is been 15 days but im going to wait for about thirty days before i call her so she has had plenty of time to think and hopefully miss me. I read that when someone breaks up with you you miss them most right away but they miss you most about four weeks after the break up. If you met up with her now even if you think your confident and able to act like you are moving on she will be able to tell that your still hurting and it will only make you look weak.

[DarkHelmet82]

u can just leave your account on but not post anything.,. it would accomplish teh same thing.. doesnt make it look like you are always on facebook..

[ufas1987]

you know theres a lot of truth to that. Im thinking were both trying not to contact eachother so we can give eachother time to work ourselves out....does that make sence? The last time we talked I told her ive been on an emotional roller coaster trying to figure this out...when she said she wished things were different and she wanted me with her that second but it wasnt fair to the both of us I was at my high! Then she didnt talk to me for a couple days...that brought me down. Then she txt we one night and asked how I was...I said i missed her...ya i know... DUMB That put me at a high again. Then The next morning she txted me asking about the whole facebook stalking thing i posted earlier and wanted to give me my stuff back...that brought me way down. After our last face to face talk she said she was sorry for thinking i was stalking her...gave me a little hope. The last time we txted she asked how my day was, I wasnt sobby or depressed sounding. She never txted me back. Thats it...the last time we had contact. I think your right about waiting a while. She is going on a road trip with her dad next week so maybe that will give her time to calm down and actually take the time to miss me a little. shes got a lot of other things to worry about and Im sure that hides me in her feelings a little bit. I know women say a lot of things to string a man along, my last relationship was like that. But I have a strong feeling this ones different and she is actually meaning what she says. Its really hard to keep thinking that tho when a person thinks about it all the time.

It does bother me that shes not trying to contact me but when i told her about the emotional roller coaster thing she said she didnt want to hurt me by giving me fulse hope because she really doesnt know if she want a relationship rightnow or not. Thats what makes me think shes trying not to contact me rightnow.

[DarkHelmet82]

sounds kinda like what im going through.. im just gonna wait.. 2-3 more weeks, and i make an attempt