Why's it so hard for him to explain his perspective or elaborate?

[michelle21689]

ve been seeing someone for 3 months and we hit it off really well. We talk every night for an hour or two. Sometimes conversation is easy and sometimes it's not. We're both more so listeners instead of talkers...but I talk more than him because I think I have better conversation skills honestly.

I like talking to him but it's frustrating when I ask him what he thinks about something and he has difficulty explaining why he feels a certain way or expressing a point of view. He doesn't know how to elaborate on his feelings which is odd. He actually does a better job at it when we text though. He doesn't know how to blab on a little bit haha....For example, "What do you think about parents hitting children?" He'll have a couple sentences..."Hmm...welll...uh, I think that they should hit kids if they're misbehaving but not in a abusive way..."

Most people I know would go on a little bit more about why they feel that way...but he says a lot of "Hmm...", "uh...", "well.." and "I don't know hmm....." and he always apologizes that he sucks at explaining lol.

expressing your point of view I honestly think makes conversation 10x more easier because when you elaborate you can kind of pick topics from the sentence that come out.
I dig deep with question sometimes to get an understanding of how he feels but then it kinda feels like an interview.

other than that, I like everything else about him and he gives me butterflies

[smackie9]

It's because he doesn't have much interest in those particular things you want to talk about. That is why it's so hot and cold with him. If you don't get much of a response, then change the subject.

[smackie9]

Tip: If you both struggle to talk about things it means you don't have much in common. This is not noticeable until the infatuation period of your relationship dies off...then you see what you really have....good luck.

[michelle21689]

No, I don't think it's that. We have the same views, we like the same things, but I just notice he is like this with other people. He listens more than talks...and when he does it's just a comment.

[DarkHelmet82]

I am the same way as him.. it wasnt that i didnt have any interest.. I just tend to stumble on my words sometimes, or get nervous.. dont read into it too much.

[michelle21689]

Haha yeah he stumbles on words a lot! I'm just worried if this meant it's guaranteed for us to fail. I really like him though. He's awesome.

[Red Apollo]

He just isn't good at holding a conversation then. Only other options are you guys don't have much in common, he wants to change the subject, or he is just plain bored.

Since he is just bad at holding a conversation, he probably really appreciates you dragging the conversation along as it takes the pressure off of him. He does a better job texting you because he doesn't feel as pressured to say something right away.

[Spring Haze]

There are no such guarantees. This isn't a huge red flag, if a red flag at all. Perhaps you are fixating upon this too strongly. Take into account what you enjoy about being together, and focus on that. Once it is very clear that something is problematic, take note of it, and respond with appropriate action either through communication, distancing yourself, so on.

[michelle21689]

Red Apollo, I don't think it means we don't have a lot in common. We come from the same background, like the same music, agree on most of the same views/morals, interested in new things...only difference is I guess he loves loves cars and I don't. If he was bored with me for 3 months then I think he'd stop talking to me by now. I even tell him sometimes I feel like I'm talking too much but he says he likes being on the phone with me. lol... Now you guys got me paranoid he finds me boring! haha, I know he's not in it for anything sexual since we haven't hit that stage yet. We've been going very slow physically.

[surfhb]

What?! A guy who finds it difficult to express his feelings!? I dont believe it!!!

[smackie9]

Why not try to be interested in the things he likes in particular.....maybe you will learn a thing or two about cars.

[michelle21689]

I don't know why everyone makes it seem like men are incapable of expressing their thoughts and opinions. I know plenty of guys that express their view. I'm not talking about feelings of cuddliness but feelings about say...a smoking ban, death penalty, etc. Not being all emotional.

Oh, I do take interest to what he says about cars. I don't know anything so I always ask questions and learn some things haha.

[sweetkissesforu]

You do understand that men communicate different

[michelle21689]

Again with this men communicate different saying... I don't understand it. A lot of males I hold conversations with do express their opinion and a lot of them go on and on even..lol I don't buy that whole "Men are more quiet" or "Men don't talk as much" deal

[MerryH]

My guess is that he just doesn't have any opinions on the things you're trying to talk about. Maybe he's never even given a thought to smoking bans or the death penalty. Some people just don't care about that stuff enough to form opinions.

This might mean he's dumb/simple. That's what I usually assume about people who don't have opinions, anyway.