Really are there more fish in the sea??

[hope555]

My bf and i broke up 8 months ago. It was heartbreaking for me. Not because he was an amazing person...but because after being 24 yrs old, I finally found a bf that was very handsome, smart and ambitious. He was NOT sweet or caring or considerate...but superficially, he was everything I had been waiting for. Then we broke up because apparently we had nothing in common.

Now he's with a new gf who he treats like how I wanted to be treated. He puts up a "couple pic" on facebook, and puts in relationship status as "in a relationship with...". He introduced her to his whole family and takes her on day trips. ALL things I wanted to do with him...but he never bothered to do. That's even more hearbreaking.

I'm 25 now, quite attractive and very smart (doing my phd in neuroscience). But I can't let him go because I feel like he's as good as it got. And I tried my best to keep him happy, which led nowhere..and apparently his new gf makes him unbelievably happy. He's even thinking of adjusting his career for her...he would NEVER do that for me. Its like she's completely changed him into the perfect bf!! What is so special about her??

He still texts me all the time. He even wanted to meet up to catch up. But we always just talk about our phds and career. Ugh! I can't lete him go, because I've been looking for another guy for about 6 months now, and NOTHING!! I don't think I'll ever find love..one that will treat me the way I want to be treated. I don't feel special and feel unworthy of love. I mean if my best wasn't enough for my jerky ex-bf, it won't be enough for anyone else. I know I'm being silly. But I honestly believe at my age everyone is taken...or not worth dating. I can't imagine being single the rest of my life.

I really need someone to give me some advice and reassure me that everything will be ok. Thanks!

[Mathias]

You're too busy looking for the perfect guy. Live your life, and do well with it. The guy will come.

[DarkHelmet82]

so you are pretty much saying you are superficial... theres your problem

[smackie9]

You are selling yourself short. Never ever "settle". You have expectations, and they should be met. With him, the way he treated you reflects how he felt about you. If it didn't feel quite right like you explained, is wasn't was it. Now you see it in his present relationship. He wasn't that into you or your relationship....face the reality. You should never have stayed with him. Tip: never sit around and hope "it will get better or things will change", you are only fooling yourself.

So next time, and yes there will be a next time, be picky and expect to have them be loving, and want to support you, care about you, and want to have a future with you. If you don't see any of that within the first 6 months to a year....don't waste your time and end it.

If you are having trouble finding someone now, it's because you are still hung up on your ex and how he has now found the love of his life....this does affect the way you project yourself to others...they feel it. You need to focus on yourself, do positive things, keep busy with your own life and stop watching your ex's activity on FB and do a no contact....it's over and so done. It's been 8 months, he should be a distant memory by now.

[VincenzoG91]

It's good that you're trying to meet other guys and move on with your life, but it sounds like your attitude might be undermining your efforts. Maybe you could spend some time just working on being happier with yourself, by yourself, before trying to get involved in a relationship. Keep yourself busy with fun activities. Focus more on your friends and hobbies, and if you don't have any time-consuming hobbies, it's time to start one. Get plenty of exercise, do some volunteer work, maybe get a pet. Once you're happy enough and not dwelling on the past, you will come across better when you're meeting guys.

[oldskool83]

go do somthing else can stop contact with him, if he wanted you he would not of ended it with you. accpet that you cant make somone want you...once you do that then move on.

[girl68]

He still texts me all the time. He even wanted to meet up to catch up. But we always just talk about our phds and career. Ugh! I can't lete him go, because I've been looking for another guy for about 6 months now, and NOTHING!! !

The reason you haven't found anything is because you're looking for guys with a freaking blindfold on. You're lying when you say you're looking you're not because you're totally hooked on your ex. Until you can let that go you won't really be able to move on and look for a partner for real.

[sookie6]

I don't think he is a loss...he was not caring or sweet or considerate, full stop.

You two were not meant to be. It's difficult to move on and see all seems to be going great between his gf and him, however it's early days you don't know what will come of this relationship..don't envy them or observe...you need a true heart someone who will with you for the good reasons...I hope you will find your M Right but please don't pick on the basis of someone who will make you look good. Love is so much more than this.

[hope555]

I don't think he is a loss...he was not caring or sweet or considerate, full stop.

You two were not meant to be. It's difficult to move on and see all seems to be going great between his gf and him, however it's early days you don't know what will come of this relationship..don't envy them or observe...you need a true heart someone who will with you for the good reasons...I hope you will find your M Right but please don't pick on the basis of someone who will make you look good. Love is so much more than this.

Thank you for your awesome answer sookie6. I really am not missing out on much and am looking for a love that is much deeper than what I had with him. I will read your post everytime I have a weak moment, to give me strength. The thing is, relationships seems SOOO improbable. It seems like the stars and moon have to align for the right chemistry, compatibility and timing. Ugh! I'm close to giving up, and trying to be happy just staying in. I'll forget about my jerky ex...but I don't have much hope for a future relationship where I'll be as happy as I was when I first met him.

Thank you all for your help and kind words. It really keeps me going

[pisces25]

You are only 25. Relax and work on getting over your ex. Everything will fall into place for you. You will not get anywhere if you constantly compare him to others. He made you happy when you first met him because your lust hormones were going crazy. You haven't felt that again, yet. But you will.

[SkylarxScreamer]

I'm younger than you.. But I can say this. There's someone out there for everyone. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Yes, there are more fish in the sea. Give it like maybe 5 more years.. Hell, I can't really give you a set time, don't wanna get your expectations up.. But stop looking for awhile. Your prince charming will come eventually.

[hello1]

Yeah with a broken heart it's hard to see but there are other people out there, there always is.

Your ex is better with his new girlfriend as he is to be blunt, cares for her more than he did for you. He properly never saw you as a long term thing and has now moved on. You should too, forget about your ex. Everyone has break up in their lifes and we all meet that right person for us, just takes time.

[Boisdevie]

There are plenty of fish in the sea. You just have to get out there and get dating, At least these days with free dating websites it's so easy to meet people. But it will only work if you are over your ex