Attraction & Love

[InLoveWithLovin]

Hello,
I would like to share my story and get some encouragements about my next steps. I'm 27 years old, never had issues with finding girls, about 3 years ago I met an amazing women (22 years old), we could talk forever on the phone and chatting. The problem was that she was obese. We stopped talking, and then after 6 months I met her again by accident, she lost about 25 Kilograms!! She looked amazing, we were together for 2.5 years.
After about 6 months after we hooked together, she gained back the weight she previously lost and we stopped having sex. We were completely in love with each other and we kept on going while she tried to lose the over weight.
We were so frustrated, With all my love for her, I couldn't make love to her because I wasn't attracted to her.
Yesterday we thought about our next actions and it was decided that we should go separate ways .
All day long I cried (and also she cried), I feel stupid. When we talked she told me that we're like friends, we're not like a couple.
But truly in my heart I want her, I want to live with her, I want her to have children with me, I'm in love with all my heart.
I feel like I realized something... that I was so stupid for letting this happen, I lost the love of my life and I caused her so much pain... I'm a wrack and I feel like I need to grow up and realize that physical attraction < love. I realized that it's not important at all!! I can see beyond that now, and ohh I wish she will take me back. What should I do?? Please help me!

[emmaman]

i think maybe her confidence has taken a major knock. Alot of people in relationships gain weight because thier content. I gained alot of weight with my ex husband but he loved me for who i was. If she does have you back maybe you could go for more walks together, join a gym or even invest in one of those interactive games consols and have a laugh messing about on one of those (thats how i lost most of my weight!) That way your both having fun, n shes losing weight. But most importantly if you love someone that much on the inside you shouldnt care what she looks like on the outside. Obviously you have realised that now so the only thing i can suggest is to say sorry and see what she says.

[InLoveWithLovin]

The problem is now that she doesn't want to go back to a relationship with me because she's not 100% sure I have changed. I know I changed and I told her that... She's just doesn't want to get hurt again and be in a place where it's not good for her. I understand why she feels this way to be honest... But what can I do???? I know she needs space right now but I think about her all the time!!! and I think about all my life that I lived in a big lie. How couldn't I see beyond that???? How stupid I was!! I feel ashamed Please help me

[emmaman]

just try and keep yourself busy, its no good to keep thinking about it. Maybe give her some space and you go out with some friends and have fun for alittle while x

[InLoveWithLovin]

yes. I just got back from some friends, and you know what I realized? that It's not only my lost!! It's also her lost!! I gave a lot from myself to her!!! I loved her with all my heart!! I did a lot to our relationship, yes, I agree that in the intimate realm I wasn't but I did loved her and cared for her. here are 2 examples, one of the movies I did for her for her birthday, yes I know it's in Hebrew, if you want translation I can provide it if you ask. The second one I did for no reason at all!!! I did a lot for her!!!

I can't post links yet so take this ID's for youtube and add that after the "?" on youtube links: "watch/?<ID>

ID1: v=w-BphnCBKPg
ID2: v=2nEnPWyyxsI

If you can't reach it send me a personal message and I'll send it to you. or add me on facebook: Liran Zaharoni

What do you think?

[sunflower77]

Maybe I am crazy, but how can you possibly say that you love someone THAT much that you want to have their children and spend your life with them, but break up with them because they gain a certain amount of weight?? It doesn't really sound like you loved her for who is she, it sounds like you stayed with her for the sex you got out of it and the moment you stopped having it, it was over. Don't get me wrong, sex is important, so is physical attraction but if you are really in love with somebody you love them for who they are, so maybe you just didn't really love her as much as you thought you did. My ex boyfriend gained more than 10kg when he stopped smoking and guess what it was still him, i was still attracted to him.

[InLoveWithLovin]

I didn't break up with her because she gained weight. She initiated because she's hurt. I understand that. The fact is I have changed, I'm not like I was anymore, you are all right, and I accept her for who she is because I DO love her for who she is. And like I said, she have a blockade now and I don't know how to gain her trust again...