Attraction & Love

[InLoveWithLovin]

Hello,
I would like to share my story and get some encouragements about my next steps. I'm 27 years old, never had issues with finding girls, about 3 years ago I met an amazing women (22 years old), we could talk forever on the phone and chatting. The problem was that she was obese. We stopped talking, and then after 6 months I met her again by accident, she lost about 25 Kilograms!! She looked amazing, we were together for 2.5 years.
After about 6 months after we hooked together, she gained back the weight she previously lost and we stopped having sex. We were completely in love with each other and we kept on going while she tried to lose the over weight.
We were so frustrated, With all my love for her, I couldn't make love to her because I wasn't attracted to her.
Yesterday we thought about our next actions and it was decided that we should go separate ways .
All day long I cried (and also she cried), I feel stupid. When we talked she told me that we're like friends, we're not like a couple.
But truly in my heart I want her, I want to live with her, I want her to have children with me, I'm in love with all my heart.
I feel like I realized something... that I was so stupid for letting this happen, I lost the love of my life and I caused her so much pain... I'm a wrack and I feel like I need to grow up and realize that physical attraction < love. I realized that it's not important at all!! I can see beyond that now, and ohh I wish she will take me back. What should I do?? Please help me!

[DarkHelmet82]

have you contacted her.. what you did wasnt nice... and im sure she is hurt.

[jb1111983]

To begin with you fell for her only after she'd lost 25 kg. Then after 2.5 years you dumped her because she'd gained some weight again and you didn't find her attractive anymore. What does that say about you? Don't answer me but do think about it. Not kidding.

Now that she's gone you want her back. You've now realised that maybe you love her and want to grow old with her. It won't be easy to get her back. I'd advise you not to bother her unless you've really decided she's the one. She won't want to trust you again with her heart. It's an uphill task from here. But if you love her she's worth it. Don't expect to win her back with an apology or confession of your love for her. Words alone won't work. You can't talk yourself out of something you did. She may or may never take you back. It's a risk you take if you truly love her. The easier option though is that you learn something from this experience and move on. The choice is yours. Good luck.

[abn25]

What most people dont realize is that they cant help who they have a deep emotional connection with, whch surpasses all superficial thngs. Its called love. If you want her back tell her and support her efforts. You will know what to say if you truly feel this way, dont hold back. In my experience when someone has support they will lose the weight. Bless you

[InLoveWithLovin]

I didn't dump her, it reached to a point where we both couldn't go on with the situation. I love her with all my heart and I want her back for good. I'm not a bad person, I was wrong to think that attraction beats love but now I'm different.
The fact is, I love her too much to go on, I can't give up on her, what can I do to make her trust me again??? What can I do to make her believe that I changed??? I know she's hurt but how can I change it now????

[Boisdevie]

If you're not turned on by your GF then you're not turned on - it's that simple. And all this bullshite about 'even if she's fatter than an elephant love with conquer all' is just politically correct shite. If she loved you then she'd try bloody hard to stay un-obese for you.

[InLoveWithLovin]

Boisdevie, I have to disagree, I don't think this is bullshit at all, I had TRUE LOVE in my arms, never in my life I experienced this kind of love. I am 100% sure that she is the one for me, regardless of her weight, and yes, I don't care anymore and I truly believe that true love conquer all.
If you go into a bar, you might not be attracted to some over weight girls, but what happens when you already LOVE a girl and she gained weight? Will you let the girl you love go? over weight???? This is ridiculous!!!!
I hope that one day, she will be able to forgive me for my stupid behavior, and I will let you all know how happy I am with her.

About your last sentence, that if she'd love me, she would have tried harder: It's much more complicated than you think, add to that complexity the fact that her boyfriend is not attracted to her, and in her head she thinks that her boyfriend, the closest person of all, think she's fat. That's very hard my friend. I don't blame her, I blame myself.

[hello1]

I hope she forgives you and I bet she will. Some women have a very hard time with her weight but she showed once she can keep it off. I can understand why she be so hurt and betrayed by you, it must been so horrible to her knowing her own boyfriend didn't find her sexually attractive...if it was me I properly want to move on.

[InLoveWithLovin]

I have changed, I am no longer the person I was. First you say you bet she will forgive me, and then you say that you would move on if you her. I will fight for her. I will fight for my love.

[hello1]

I have changed, I am no longer the person I was. First you say you bet she will forgive me, and then you say that you would move on if you her. I will fight for her. I will fight for my love.

When I was writing I was thinking if my boyfriend wasn't sexually attracted too me if I put on weight and how I would feel. I still think she will forgive you, if she's in love with you she should.

[InLoveWithLovin]

What can I do for her to forgive me? The problem is that she can't be 100% sure that I have changed. She can't feel free now with me, she can't let me touch her.

[jb1111983]

No no it's gonna take time. And how about not touching her like the way you used to for a while? I do believe you've learnt your lesson though. Now You've got to show her you care. There must be something you can do for her everyday that shows you care. Could be as simple as texting a "have nice day" every morning, flowers and chocolates (not every day of course! works for me with this girl I'm in love with. Always loves getting flowers and chocolates even when once she was mad at me!), etc to doing something for her you wouldn't do for anyone else. You see mate, it could take a week or a month or more to gain her trust back (not an easy task). Just keep caring for her while also giving her some space to think. She'll appreciate it all but maybe she won't show it yet. And when she feels you've changed and truly love her you'll see it in her eyes, feel it in her voice. You'll know when that happens. Just don't give up. There are a few things really worth fighting for and love definitely is one of them. Like hello1 I also think she'll eventually give in to you again once she feels she can trust you with her heart. Just don't put any pressure on her. Let her come back on her own. Good luck!

[InLoveWithLovin]

The problem is now that she doesn't want to go back to a relationship with me because she's not 100% sure I have changed. I know I changed and I told her that... She's just doesn't want to get hurt again and be in a place where it's not good for her. I understand why she feels this way to be honest... But what can I do???? I know she needs space right now but I think about her all the time!!! and I think about all my life that I lived in a big lie. How couldn't I see beyond that???? How stupid I was!! I feel ashamed Please help me

[InLoveWithLovin]

yes. I just got back from some friends, and you know what I realized? that It's not only my lost!! It's also her lost!! I gave a lot from myself to her!!! I loved her with all my heart!! I did a lot to our relationship, yes, I agree that in the intimate realm I wasn't but I did loved her and cared for her. here are 2 examples, one of the movies I did for her for her birthday, yes I know it's in Hebrew, if you want translation I can provide it if you ask. The second one I did for no reason at all!!! I did a lot for her!!!

I can't post links yet so take this ID's for youtube and add that after the "?" on youtube links: "watch/?<ID>

ID1: v=w-BphnCBKPg
ID2: v=2nEnPWyyxsI

If you can't reach it send me a personal message and I'll send it to you. or add me on facebook: Liran Zaharoni

What do you think?