He Won't Masturbate In Front Of Me?

[Lexcessca]

We've been together for three and a half years.

He doesn't want to be in the same room as me when I'm masturbating. Unless it makes him feel emasculated, (I've tried hard to reassure him that it shouldn't, and that if he wanted sex too that's cool, though I don't feel the slightest bit let down by him if he isn't the mood), I don't see what the problem is.

We've never seen one another masturbate, or been present while the other is, but there are times I'd like to get myself off when he isn't in the mood (my sex drive is higher than his). This is very difficult being as at home we're either in his room or the living room; and the house is shared by two other guys. I'm not going to whack off in the living room, and I'd feel terrible saying, "My love, I'd like to masturbate now, so...." I get really frustrated. If he isn't in the mood, that's completely fair enough, I respect that. But if he doesn't want me masturbating around him I don't know where else to go. I can't help but think this would be a hell of a lot easier if we were just at ease masturbating around one another. I don't see the point in privacy for sexual pleasure at this point, it just serves to make things needlessly complicated.

[smackie9]

I understand. I hear this from men and women. There are people out there that were taught that masturbation is bad, that it's dirty and that's a real shame. You know and I know it's just a part of being sexual. And we all know can't expect your partner to be the one source of release. You need to keep communicating him about this. Ask him for details about how he felt about masturbating when he just discovered it. Ask him if he was told it was wrong, etc. Get to the source of why he feels this way. They say adult behaviour is dictated by what has happened in their childhood. Who knows he may have been sexually abused or was caught and felt tremendous shame.

[JadenMia]

I agree with Smackie there. Some good points, it probably is something to do with his past and how he was brought up. Although i agree on his part that is his right to be able to masterbate in peace and quiet with nobody around if thats how he likes it. But i didnt catch the point of him asking you to go elsewhere.. Thats just silly. You have a right to get yourself off wherever you please!

As said above do communicate about this matter. Its obviously a problem between the two of you and does need to be sorted. How about asking to try something different, stress about the fact that you need release more than he does and it is *important* to keep your relationship healthy. Ask him to experiment a little bit.. I used to love my boyfriend kissing me while i masturbated, feeling his touch and being able to touch myself exactly how i wanted to be was really fun for me. Ask him to try this maybe?

[Gratedwasabi]

I love it when a girl is into me masturbating with her there. Even better when she does it, too, and/or gives me kisses and watches. Ridiculously huge turn on. Also super bonus points for the women that think a guy's orgasm is cool (ie.. the women that grin or giggle and go "Oh my god!!") and super minus points for women that think it's gross.

I've recently had my first experience with a girl that is ridiculously shy about sex, despite seeming to be really into it. It's extremely frustrating and frankly I no longer want to even have it with her because it's too much of a hassle. Not sure what advice to give you except that if you feel like sexual openness and experimentation (not that I think masturbating in front of a partner really counts as such) is something you need, might just be time to move on.

[vashti]

I don't see why you insist on making this a big deal when he has clearly told you he isn't interested. If you were the male involved in this relationship, and he the female, everyone would be jumping down your throat and telling you what a bastard you are being.

Everyone has preferences. I prefer a man close the bathroom door when he is using it. I don't care how many other people leave the door open, and I know urination and defecation are normal bodily functions; I STILL don't want to see it.

You should demonstrate more resect for his preferences and stop nagging him, or find someone who is a better match.

Jeez, everyone seems to think that just because they want something, they have a right to hound their significant other into giving it to them.

[Gratedwasabi]

I don't see why you insist on making this a big deal when he has clearly told you he isn't interested. If you were the male involved in this relationship, and he the female, everyone would be jumping down your throat and telling you what a bastard you are being.

Good point and quite true.

If you're not satisfied with your sex life and your significant other doesn't want to change it, you should decide whether or not your relationship or those desires are more important and act accordingly.

[Lexcessca]

I don't see why you insist on making this a big deal when he has clearly told you he isn't interested.

If I need to get myself off, I need to get myself off. If I can't do it anywhere else (due to the house being populated by other people), I can't do it anywhere else. There really isn't any "big deal" being made - as long as he understands why I'm doing this, it's all cool.

If you were the male involved in this relationship, and he the female, everyone would be jumping down your throat and telling you what a bastard you are being.

And they would be pathetic fools. Just because it's (pointlessly) sexist or "wrong" (somehow) for a man to need to get his release, doesn't make that taboo any less ridiculous. This is not a gender issue. It's human biology: Man or women, we as human beings need our release - and we (men and woman) are entitled to it.

Everyone has preferences. I prefer a man close the bathroom door when he is using it. I don't care how many other people leave the door open, and I know urination and defecation are normal bodily functions; I STILL don't want to see it.

...Great?

You should demonstrate more resect for his preferences and stop nagging him, or find someone who is a better match.

Jeez, everyone seems to think that just because they want something, they have a right to hound their significant other into giving it to them.

There is a notable error here: You're not my boyfriend. Have you even been present when he and I have spoken about this together? You haven't. I haven't "nagged", or "hounded" him.

Jeez, some people think that just because somebody else wants something, they need to resort to fictional nonsense as a means of validating their own overly-finicky values.

If YOU don't want to so much as catch your partner with the bathroom door open, leave the cap off the toothpaste, leave the toiletseat up, or whatever other completely over-blown clichés of needless soul-crushing bother for men everywhere - if that's your own personal idea of marital bliss, that's your business. I couldn't live like that.

[vashti]

I couldn't live like that.

Then stop complaining about it, and move on.

Simple.

[Lexcessca]

Then stop complaining about it, and move on.

Simple.

I'm not idly complaining; I came here for advice.

[smackie9]

I'm not idly complaining; I came here for advice.

Ya I agree. Why does everyone get so up tight over a simple question. I don't recall anyone calling this guy a jerk for refusing, or that she has every right to see him do it. Just a few simple suggestions to try. If it don't work well then the suject will be dropped obviously.

[smackie9]

Sorry for this Lexcescca.....I get crapped on too, it comes with the territory.

[vashti]

I'm not idly complaining; I came here for advice.

That WAS my advice. He has a right to privacy, even if you choose not to exercise that right yourself.

And I bet you HAVE talked to him more than once about this. That usually is considered nagging.

[misombra]

omg people seriously worry about this?

i would dump someone for nagging me to masturbate in front of them. especially if i'd insisted no several times.

[smackie9]

No one was nagging, she was just looking for answers and maybe some ideas, and not the kind to shut her out. It was just a discussion....so just let it be people, if you don't like the dicussion we are having then go somewhere else. There's a whole site full of posts to answer to.

[vashti]

......???

Should not part of your "discussion" include the fact that some people think it is inappropriate to push for something her boyfriend isn't comfortable with?