why does no contact/ limited contact work?

[DarkHelmet82]

What i mean is.. after a breakup it seems like the best course of action to reconcile a relationship is no contact or limited contact. Why does this work? Doesnt it paint the picture that the person (the one who has been dumped) doesnt care about you or has moved on? I just dont see the logic behind it. Why would someone want to get back with a person who has seemingly moved on. Furthermore, if the person (the one doing the breakup) does contact you, why does being somewhat elusive seem to work wonders?

[Nicholas_V]

probably not he best person to offer an opinion on this given my current circumstances - but I appreciate the logic of it: it gives you time and space to heal. You don't do it to get back your ex - you do it as a favour to yourself, to detox and draw a line.

[DarkHelmet82]

right.. but if you do get back with your ex it is usually attributed to no contact or limited contact. I just never understood why being a elusive, kinda jerky, and playing games works.

[Nicholas_V]

because it doesn't allow her to use you as a cushion perhaps to ease withdrawal symptoms?

[leoben]

Because getting dumped = getting disrespected. If you don't show the same disrespect back then they start thinking you're a weak pushover and nobody finds a weak pushover sexy. Basic human nature really.

It doesn't always work, but if the greener pastures she thinks are out there don't materialize then she will still find you a viable dating option.

[Boisdevie]

It is all complete bullshite. If a relationship is not working then the whole contact.no contact counts for nothing because THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING. Get it? I broke up with my ex GF about 9 months ago. She keeps trying to contact me but I don't give a toss because IT IS OVER.
The only rule in relationships is that every single situation is unique and that there are no rules. THERE ARE NO RULES. GET IT?

[DarkHelmet82]

It is all complete bullshite. If a relationship is not working then the whole contact.no contact counts for nothing because THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING. Get it? I broke up with my ex GF about 9 months ago. She keeps trying to contact me but I don't give a toss because IT IS OVER.
The only rule in relationships is that every single situation is unique and that there are no rules. THERE ARE NO RULES. GET IT?

Not every relationship ends badly..in my situation my ex just has issues that she needs to deal with.

[DarkHelmet82]

Because getting dumped = getting disrespected. If you don't show the same disrespect back then they start thinking you're a weak pushover and nobody finds a weak pushover sexy. Basic human nature really.

It doesn't always work, but if the greener pastures she thinks are out there don't materialize then she will still find you a viable dating option.

that makes sense.. i guess.. lol... She didnt dump me for someone else.. she just didnt get closure on her last relationship and I think just needs space... Lets hope im not being stupid and gullible.

[leoben]

that makes sense.. i guess.. lol... She didnt dump me for someone else.. she just didnt get closure on her last relationship and I think just needs space... Lets hope im not being stupid and gullible.

I think you're excusing her behavior. If she does end up trying to come back you better make her work for it.

[Cinnabella]

No contact will be Over. Limited contact mean take time to heal and decide it later. Obviously no contact is forever good bye and that person had moved on.

[Cinnabella]

I think you're excusing her behavior. If she does end up trying to come back you better make her work for it.

Make her work? I don't think you should coz If she returns and you push her away, she will be gone, don't play Games.

[DarkHelmet82]

I agree with Cinna.. If she wants to get back with me I would definetly tell her that she needs to be in this 100% or it wont work. But yeah im not the type to make people beg... i wouldnt want it done to me.

[DarkHelmet82]

No contact will be Over. Limited contact mean take time to heal and decide it later. Obviously no contact is forever good bye and that person had moved on.

yeah i agree...

[Charlie Boy II]

No contact can work because it makes you seem like you're moving on and living your own life, which makes you more attractive to the other person.

Insisting on keeping in contact with someone who's dumped you makes you look weak and clingy, which is why it's instant death to your chances of getting the person back.

[leoben]

I agree with Cinna.. If she wants to get back with me I would definetly tell her that she needs to be in this 100% or it wont work. But yeah im not the type to make people beg... i wouldnt want it done to me.

It's not about making her beg or pushing her away. You just have to make her show that you are the guy for her with actions before you recommit. Go out with her for a while, make sure everything feels right and a month or two down the line then you can declare yourself boyfriend and girlfriend again. Do not take her back immediately.