Am I in the wrong?

[Mound]

There's this girl who I might be in love with. For a few weeks (and this happens on and off) she tells me she loves me and all, even telling me she loves me when I confess to her (but she already knows I love her that way), then she doesn't talk to me as much, and starts talking to my friend. Later that week I get depressed because of this and she says she's fed up with me, and my needs, and my emotions. Mind you, she was leading me on those 2 or so weeks, a week before that she was complaining to me about how nobody likes her/wants to talk to her for maybe 3 days.

So, a week ago, acting on impulse, I get fed up and make a post on tumblr saying: "It’s great to know that you can be easily tossed aside, forgotten, and replaced by someone you care a whole lot for. why in the world do I even bother trying anymore. ****."
She saw it today, a few hours ago, and she got mad. She even decided to show everyone what I had posted.

Why is she so mad? I don't understand. If anyone should be mad, it's me. She does this too me all the time.
I'm not looking for everyone to agree with me. If I'm wrong, I'd seriously like to know, because I'm so confused right now.

[Mound]

um... Am I asking this in the wrong place? I looked through the other topics and saw some marriage stuff. I don't really know where else to ask, other than yahoo answers. But YA is, like, a last resort for me. Don't wanna have to go there.

[MaidenMinx]

I'm sorry, but I don't quite get what you are asking. Were you wrong to vent on tumbler (or whatever it is)? Nope. Venting is venting. Everyone needs to do it. Why is she upset? My guess, she's a confused little girl who wants the attention of all the males she knows all the time. I'm assuming you're teenagers...?

[Mound]

Oh, I'm sorry. I was asking if it was wrong for me to feel the way that I do about this, and why she would be so mad about me saying so. and yes, we are.
That's why I said I might be in love. I don't know what love is. I don't even know what genuinely hating someone is like.

I know this is porbably stupid, because we're just teenagers, but I can't help myself. I don't know if she does or what kind of attention she wants. She hates girls because she thinks they're disgusting and they're b---hes. She's obsessed with gay guys. She's a bit odd. She's the type to completely ignore you if you piss her off enough, and then talk s*** about you or make up things. I know I shouldn't be so hung up over someone like this. I don't know what else to do though. and I KNOW how she is, so I don't understand why I can't just cut off contact with her. Any ideas? Should I talk to her? I know that if I talk to her about this she'll get mad and ignore me or tell everyone what I'm saying with a bit of her own twist to it.

[MaidenMinx]

Sweety, being a teenager sucks. Everything is so new and confusing and by the time you hit your mid 20's you're looking back wondering what all the fuss was about, all the while missing the thrill of being young and having the world at your feet *sigh* (and I'm only 30!!)

I'm going to guess you're about 15....? Maybe 16? Your friend has no idea what she wants, and most likely, little idea of who she is. I think you are very much in lust with this girl, though it doesn't sound like love to me. And just so you know, it can take YEARS to figure out the difference between love and lust and some adults never figure it out. This much I can tell you for certain, this is not a girl that you will have a serious relationship with. She is too confused for now (she actually sounds a bit like me when I was a teenager). If you can stand it, stay her friend. As she gets older one of 2 things will happen. Either a) she'll wake up to herself slowly and stop being such an unpredictable bitch or b) she will completely embrace the bitch role. Either one day you will out grow her or you will become great friends (maybe more, but at the moment that's not important). Keep your eyes peeled for someone else you like, and being a teenager, you'll meet someone that will take your interest soon, and forget about being romantic with this girl.

[Mound]

Thank you! It'll be hard, especially because I can't even do things like make boiled eggs without remembering how I used to wake up early in the morning and make them while waiting for her to get on in the morning, or webcamming with someone else and thinking "I wish I was camming with her". That's the worst part. Small things that I used to do every day reminding me of her and depressing me. I know it's stupid, but yeah... lol. This has taken a huge toll on me, even going as far as not being able to wake up for school in the morning because I'm too depressed to do anything. Being with her seriously triggered some emotional side in me.

Thank you again. I guess I'll just try being her friend again, and hope this won't be a continuous cycle (this has happened 2-3 times before. once while we were dating, the rest afterwards). I think I'm going to try to stay away from any romantic things for a while. I had more fun just playing video games with my friends and stuff and just generally not giving a **** about stuff like this. Unfortunately, I alienated myself from a lot of them after being with this girl. Oh well. Looks like I have some fixing to do.

[MaidenMinx]

Ahhhh I didn't realise she has caused other problems too. Take some space from her. Hang out with your mates again.

And I have to add, I feel sorry for someone of your age these days. It doesn't feel like it was that long ago that I was a teenager but I didn't have my first mobile phone until I was 19 and I didn't start using the 'net til I was 24. When I was trying out first relationships, once I got home from school, that was it for contact. geez, we didn't get our first portable phone until I was 15! I didn't talk to the guys I was interested in once I got home because that meant sitting in the living room and talking where mum and my brothers could hear. I can't even imagine what it would be like these days "camming" til all hours of the evening. I think you guys certainly have it harder because home isn't necessarily a safe port away from the BS of school and everything that goes with it. You guys get to take all that school yard crap home with you and keep it going. I all of a sudden have a different appreciation of what life for a teenager must be like these days and at risk of sounding like an old fart, I feel sorry for you guys.

[Mound]

Kinda had to do that, tbh. One of my friends, who also used to be my best friend, is the one she likes. He doesn't like her, though. He knows how I feel about her, and he knows how she feels about him. He knows how all this makes me feel too. I wish he'd just tell her straight up that he doesn't feel that way for her. Her status now is: "you're amazing, but I hate you" (@ him) and she divorced me on facebook a few hours ago. It's just facebook, I know, but we've stayed married since last year, even after we broke up. Feels weird. This whole thing literally hurts. Like, my chest feels heavy, I feel kind of nauseous whenever I stress about it.

But, yeah, you're right. I have enough problems in school. Grades, social stuff, things like that. I'd think coming home to be able to use the internet and talk to others would fix that, but nope. Bam, just more problems. Especially with the computer in my room, and nowhere to go. I can sit here all day and no one will tell me anything. I sometimes wish that I had super strict parents when it came to the computer, because I don't have enough self control to just say **** it and walk away. Even now, the most I can do is stay away from messaging programs. I haven't talked to anyone since Wednesday. Honestly, as much as I hate to admit it, I've resorted to online stalking, and it's just... ugh. I can't even go to the places I want to because:

1) she's there
2) making shit up to people while I'm not around or tells people about me, so it's embarrassing

I was planing on staying away from these places and trying to change a bit while I'm away, but these things always come to my mind and I end up checking to see if maybe she says something good about me for once. One of my friends -- well, he's not really a friend, just someone I talk to every now and then, but he's in our little group -- said that I've changed for the worse, and then she agreed and said I'm a whiny jackass now. I don't know why I keep creeping if I'm only going to keep reading things like this.

oh man. i'm so sorry for going off with this long, useless thing. i have so much on my mind, i don't know what to do with it. i wish i could speak to some sort of professional, but i wouldn't want to waste my mother's money, or a professional's time, on something like this.