Well, first of all it's clearly obvious you need some sort of counseling for whatever form of abuse you recieved. It can cause irreversable damage to your psyche and self esteem of not addressed.
Second of all, you are clearly level headed enough to know what your issues are. Jealousy isn't really something you can take a pill for and make it go away, and it definitely doesnt go away over night.
The best things you can do for yourself is to first realize the top few things that he does that make you angry or jealous. Then you need to have a little talk with him in an adult fashion outlining your reaction and politely telling him why it upsets you. He might not understand completely why it is you are upset for certian things.
Simply asking a guy to stop doing something usually doesn't really work, unless we get a reason for it. If he is reasonable enough, then the 2 of you should work on A) Him reducing or stopping the activities that make you jealous, or at the least not doing them around you, and B) You slowly realizing that no amount of porn in the world is going to take him away from you.
While it is true that pornography can have negative impacts on relationships, it isn't always a bad thing in healthy mature individuals. Guys are by their nature visual, hence we like to look at things. Girls are more emotional, and prefer the feelings or reactions of things. He looks at porn, it makes you angry. A simple formula, but only because you have to come to grips with why you get angry at it.
Demanding that he stops to make you feel better might cause resentment. Once you come to realize slowly that pornography isn't going to steal him away, but that your reactions to it might, the two of you will come to an agreement as to how this is going to work.
always thinking he can do better and will want the girls he sees. Am i totally unrealistic only wanting him to want me?is that sooo impossible?
Don't worry, this covers about 85% of all women out there who finally find a decent guy. Any girl that has true feelings for someone early on will be nervious that he might find the BBD. (Bigger Better Deal) What you have to come to grips with is that the best you can do in life is be yourself, and if he truly loves you, he will accept you for who you are, plain and simple. If he doesn't like you for your true self, then he isn't worth being with in the first place.
As long as he loves you for that, you won't lose him to another woman or porn or seeing naked breasts. Sure, any guy likes to look at them. But yours will be the only ones that really matter.
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