Are my hopes of getting ex girlfirend back lost?

[been_e]

Hello all, I'm new to the forum and I'm hoping I can get some much needed advice. I tend to be a little wordy at times so I'll try not to go on forever.

First, a little look into my failed relationship with my ex. We dated for 9 months and for the 7 months things couldn't have been better, or at least I thought. She was all I could ever hope for and more. Our feeling for each other were strong even before we were committed to each other. It didn't take long for us to fall in love. We even talked about getting married and although there was no official engagement yet, a date had already been set for later this year. After giving it some thought I realized the date we set wouldn't work as well as we thought it would. I didn't want to cancel, I simply wanted to move the date back a few months and that is where our problems began, or should I say that's where our problems began to surface. I say that cause I realized after our break up that we had many problems before, but they were never addressed. As is typical when most relationships end, I began to question what went wrong. I soon realized a lot of my actions were at the root of our problems. I won't go into details right now, but I will say that in our time together I became a very negative person and my insecurities began to show. I was oblivious to my many insecurities, but a good friend helped realize what they were. I'm committed towards ridding myself of them, but I know it's something that's going to take time.

When our break up occurred, she said all she wanted was space and she would contact me when she was ready to communicate with me as friends. I gave her all the space she needed and wanted, and to my surprise she contacted me a little more then a week later. She said she was ready to move on and was ready to begin communicating as friends. Our first conversation when well. I made no mention of wanting to get back together. I was careful not to upset her or bring up old memories or our relationship in anyway. Just before our conversation ended she mentioned that despite the fact that we were not together any more, she still wanted to treat me to dinner for my birthday which was still a few weeks away. After giving it a lot of thought, I decided to decline her offer. I told her that I appreciated the offer, but for the time being I was going to pass. I wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful with my decision. I made my decision case I felt it was too soon for us to make plans to see each other. My birthday was still a few weeks out and I was hoping me and her would continue communicating and we could discuss seeing each other again as that day got closer.

My questions is, did I make the wrong decision, should I have excepted her offer?

I reached out to her a few days after our initial conversations, but I did not get a response. This past weekend I heard one of her family members was sick and I wanted to send them my well wishes. I sent here a text message and I received a no word response that Thanks.

Have I completely ruined things with her? Should I give her more time? We have been separated now for a little over a month. I know she's hurt and I also know that if I stand any chance of getting her back I need to weather the storm. She still communicates with my sister via Facebook which leads me to believe that not all hope is lost.

I'm at a point now where I really don't know what to think or how to react, and I could really use some advice.

[Krb686]

I don't think you made the wrong decision by declining her offer. I doubt she thinks you meant harm by it, and to be completely honest, I don't think it could have hurt your chances of getting her back. She broke up with you, she needed some space, so she is going to do what she wants to, whether her mind comes around and decides she still wants to be with you or not. If anything, you refusing her offer may have made her think that you are moving on from her, which could trigger regret or make her doubt her decision or whatever. Basically, what's going to happen is going to happen. You aren't being needy/clingy/smothering/begging/desperate, and that's all you really can do. But I don't think waiting and clinging to the hope that she might want to is a good idea, because then it feels like you have no control, and you are simply waiting for an event to happen that may never. My girlfriend just broke up with me about a week ago, and it came out of the blue almost so I naturally had this huge hope that she would change her mind and want to get back together, I know what it feels like, but it's an extremely unhealthy mindset.

[ChiaraSays]

You made the right decision and you've done well throughout the whole break up, without pressuring her.

The truth is you need to take this time to work on yourself. Not worry about catering to her needs. If she needs the space, she obviously needs to work on herself and it may or may not lead to the two of you getting back together (Most of the time, it doesn't)..
You said you saw yourself behaving differently in the relationship : insecurities and negativity. Try to work on those and see why you felt that way.. Was it all HER behavior? Once we've worked on ourselves it's a lot easier to attract and give love.

You'll be fine.. but like the previous poster stated, it's not a healthy mindset to focus on getting back together.
Things went wrong for a reason, fix it first then let the pieces fall where they may.

Best of luck