My girlfriend wants to live abroad and I don't.

[johnsmith123]

This may seem like a stupid thing to post, but I could not be more confused about what to do.

I am 23 and in my last year of study at uni. My girlfriend is 20 and has 1 year left at uni. We have been going out now for 3 years.

Basically she does not want to live in this country and wants to live abroad on the other side of the world. I on the other hand love it here and don't want to leave. Yesterday after a tear conversation about the stress of uni she has atm, she also told me she wants to work with kids in another country and then asked me if I would move with her. She has relatives who live like this and only come back once ever couple of years. After a lot of thought, I have decided this really is not for me.
This is going to tear our relationship apart, which I don't think i could handle as I have never met anyone like her. She knows this but seems set on this new life.

Should I tell her I want to stay here and lose her or tell her how I feel but move to another country with her.
I could not ask her to stay just for me and she wont ask me to move if its something I don't want. I can't bear to lose her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Not really much anyone can tell you that don't already seem to have a grip on. Sounds like you're going to have to break up. Moving for someone when you're not married and you don't want to move is not smart and will create resentment in the relationship.

[Glea]

Are you sure you don't want to move there? Does the language of the country she wants to move to your home tongue? Have you collected some infos about the culture there? Because maybe there would be stuff you haven't thought about that could interest you and help you make a decision...

[Glea]

And i actually have to add something of the utmost importance: you cannot go there if you don't have a goal. Moving there only to be with her would automatically lead your relationship to fail... I experienced it with my boyfriend following me not to lose me and we ended breaking up

[Nicholas_V]

john - this is not an easy trip. It usually leads to tears. As the other friend mentioned above, if you go to live there just for being with her (and nothing else) you are not going to last as a couple anyway and you will eventually regret it. Besides, you need to figure out yourself what you are going to do with your life. If you want to continue studying, you could have a look at what opportunities there are there (but you should not act against you best interest - people can change and leave you feeling a moron for giving up too much too soon - and then you have to live with it ). Ditto for work. That's the only way that I could see this having *some* chance of success.

For best or worse, people move a lot these days. Most of my relationships had to end exactly because of this. Some times it is worth putting up a fight, sometimes it ain't. You are the only one who can decide which battles are the ones worth fighting for (though seeking advice helps you clear up what's in your head - that's why we are all here). But beware: chances are you will lose most of them. Most of us do.

[devonbrown]

Unfortunately, your girlfriend and you seem to be on different life paths. There is not much you can do when your ambitions are so far apart. It is sad, but that is why they say "star-crossed" lovers.

Good luck.