should i ask a gut ouy?

[cheeky&sexy]

Some of you are not completely understanding the point i was making. I agree that if a guy has no interest to begin with, it doesnt change the outcome. But im talking about guys who definately were interested.. but lost interest wheni initiated AFTER theyd been initiating and expressing interest. Their interest decreased dramatically once i would ask them out as they realised id been 'caught' and the chase was over, and before i knew it they just couldnt make time for me anymore and id find out they were chasing the next girl.

Just read the post above me and i have to say i think you are spot on.

[help_me]

well dat explain a lot...he mite like me bt nt to the extent to go out with me...now i guess i can stp being silly and relax....maybe i have someone else meant to go out with me

[Yet another guy]

The social "script" is constantly, though slowly changing. People are not confined to any behaviour but most people do fit their behaviour to fit the "script". Let's take this "guys ask girls out" as an example. Guys follow the script because if they didn't, they would stay forever alone since the girls wouldn't ask them out. They have no choice in the matter unless they prefer to be alone. Girls choose not to ask guys out because there's no need to. Why bother when the guys are lining up? This is of course not so good strategy for the least attractive girls.

The ways you listed that approaching a girl ups a guys chance of a date all work more or less the other way around. A) Okay, an interested guy wouldn't avoid approaching for the same reason that you said in your example, but there are other reasons why people don't approach a hot girl/guy. Maybe he's shy. Maybe he doesn't think that the girl would be interested. Maybe he thinks that she is out of her league. In all those cases the chance for a date jumps from 0 to 100% if the girl asks him out. Unless of course she reduces the chances by screwing up badly during that evening like getting wasted and passing out. B) Works even better when girl asks a guy out. Girls, especially the more attractive ones are used to being asked out and may even expect it. It's nothing special and doesn't earn the guy any special points. When a girl asks a guy on the other hand, it's almost always something exceptional and most flattering. Greatly increases the chances C) Same crap here.

Most guys don't give a crap about the social script. Would diverting from the usual role make us uncomfortable? Hell no! Sure, some guys might be uncomfortable being asked out but so are some girls. The guys who are turned off by being asked out are a clear minority. Just like girls who are turned off by it. Most guys don't probably see a girl who asks them out neither as aggressive, masculine, desperate and definitely not threatening (What would they be threatening?). Even if a few do, some guys actually prefer this type of "aggressiveness" or boyish traits. Not all guys want the most feminine girl, who screams at spiders and cries in movies. A) Again, both guys and girls can get uncomfortable and there are plenty of other reasons to send mixed signals too. Girls especially are notorious of sending mixed signals. B) This, I believe is a very rare case. Not all guys enjoy the chase and even if they do, they certainly wouldn't turn down a date with a girl they were interested in just because they didn't get to chase her. C) Yea, works well for both genders.

Yes, asking a guy out will very likely impress/flatter him. And greatly increase her chances for a date. Romantic feelings on the other hand are normally not involved until there has been some dating going on and the manner in which the dating started has little effect on the end result. Neither when the girl or the guy initiated. Yeah, guys do tend to make a snap decision whether they would like to ask a girl out. It's not because that's the way guys are. It's becase they have to ask the girl out to have a chance and the best strategy is not to waste time on choosing who to ask. All that appraisal will likely be wasted if the girl is not interested. Besides, if a guy spends too much time getting to know the girl, he will quickly be friendzoned. After getting rejected a few times, guys learn that the best strategy is to not spend time on evaluating but just go for it first and worry about the details later. A girl who gets asked out a lot on the other hand can afford to be more picky.

So if the guy wasn't interested enough to approach him, and you approach him, yeah, sure, he might be impressed, but it's only gonna raise you from a 2 to a 5, because he'd already made his decision about you

Yes, as said, if there is no interest in the first place, asking him out won't likely change the outcome. Same goes for girls. There are however many other reasons than lack of interest, why a guy wouldn't approach a girl. Some of which I mentioned above. In those cases asking him out will greatly increase your chances. Same goes for asking a girl out.

if the girl was really hot stuff, she'd already have guys hitting on her... she wouldn't need to go seeking it, right?

Guys like hot girls because of their appearence. Not because other guys think she is hot or because they get a lot of attention from others. Those are the drawbacks of a hot girl. The perfect girl would appear hot to the guy but not be surrounded by horny guys trying to score her.

But im talking about guys who definately were interested.. but lost interest wheni initiated AFTER theyd been initiating and expressing interest. Their interest decreased dramatically once i would ask them out as they realised id been 'caught' and the chase was over

How do you know they were interested? Did they ask you on a date? If so, how did you initiate and express interest?

[findingaway]

What have you got to lose? Go for it!

Good luck!

[help_me]

well this guy acts really weird...now when i actually stopped trying to get around him, he now wants to knw wat are my plans (or if i am still on with my plans i made for weekends) and then he wud like text me that he mite to join ....is he confused himself or wat???

[HeartIsAching]

You can't win the game if you don't play. Ask him out to something SOLO. If he's declining to go with you and your friends, it may be that he wants alone time with you, and doesn't want to only be a "friend".

[berylfisher]

You should have to ask him.You will attract him if he is not interested.Expressing own feeling is best way to find love and share your feeling.

[cheeky&sexy]

How do you know they were interested? Did they ask you on a date? If so, how did you initiate and express interest?

yeah, theyd call and message me often and ask to hang out.. pretty obvious cues they were interested, along with kissing and sometimes more. How did i initiate and express interest? Well the guy would ask me out a couple of times, then id ask them out so its not just one sided. Especially if the guys were calling and texting me nearly every day, id think its okay for me to initiate a text or phone call, ask them out after a while. Learned the hard way that i should wait till its confirmed we're in a relationship before initiating.

well this guy acts really weird...now when i actually stopped trying to get around him, he now wants to knw wat are my plans (or if i am still on with my plans i made for weekends) and then he wud like text me that he mite to join ....is he confused himself or wat???

i dont think he would say that if his not interested.. i think some guys can just be hot and cold though depending on their situation with other girls in their life. Which explains why we get confused cos sometimes they want us, other times they dont. Just sit back and let him ask u out, it sounds like he will.. i mean his already implied it.

[Yet another guy]

Well the guy would ask me out a couple of times, then id ask them out so its not just one sided.

Ok, so you had been out for a few times and suddenly he lost all interest? How can you tell that it was caused by you asking them out? Maybe during those few times he learned that you aren't the type of girl he would want to date. That's not uncommon. Maybe he found a prettier one. Shit happens.

Actually, every time I've asked a girl on a date, they've stopped showing interest. For example, there was this girl in my previous apartment building that invited for some tee and cake. We seemed to click well and exchanged phone numbers. I called and asked her out on a date and she accepts. Before the date she calls and says that she "isn't looking for a boyfriend". Should I conclude that girls don't like to be asked out? No.

[cheeky&sexy]

One of them did find a prettier girl yes and that hurt a lot. But she played him so i guess thats karma for you. But im not just talking about one guy. Its a pattern ive noticed with every guy.. the ones im not interested in chase me a lot and the ones i show interest in lose interest fairly quickly.

Thats interesting how every time u asked a girl on a date they stopped showing interest, i think both sexes want whats hard to get and that we think we cant have i guess. You have to admit though that in general its the guy whose expected to ask a girl out and that its seen as normal for a guy to ask a girl out.. whereas some guys see a girl asking a guy out as desperate or too forward. Not every guy, but how often do you hear a girl call a guy too forward for asking them on a date? So i dont know if you can really compare them that much in that regard.

[help_me]

well then here's the situation...he asked me if our plan to go out on a weekend nite was still on...and i just said that i wasnt going...he wasnt comfortable saying that he didnt kew my frndz well so he mite not go as well....anyways he did come bt after messging and calling me a few times asking me to come as well....anyways the nite went well...all of us njoying the nite....however my frndz wanted to leave and i wanted to stay back....i asked him to help me out and he convinced my frnz to stay a lil longer...he said he wud stay back with me as he wanted to stay back as well.....however my roomie fell sick and i decided to return home..i am seriously not confused...i mean he rarely makes a move...and everytime i think he likes me...i try to take a step bt he gives a laid back approach....its very frustrating...

[Yet another guy]

One of them did find a prettier girl yes and that hurt a lot. But she played him so i guess thats karma for you. But im not just talking about one guy. Its a pattern ive noticed with every guy.. the ones im not interested in chase me a lot and the ones i show interest in lose interest fairly quickly.

Thats interesting how every time u asked a girl on a date they stopped showing interest, i think both sexes want whats hard to get and that we think we cant have i guess. You have to admit though that in general its the guy whose expected to ask a girl out and that its seen as normal for a guy to ask a girl out.. whereas some guys see a girl asking a guy out as desperate or too forward. Not every guy, but how often do you hear a girl call a guy too forward for asking them on a date? So i dont know if you can really compare them that much in that regard.

Yeah, girls do expect guys to ask them out more than the other way around. Don't you think that guys, who see girls asking a guy out as desperate, are arrogant though? I'd be happy if could filter such people out just by taking the initiative in the relationship.

If you've noticed such a pattern, maybe you are attracted to the type of guys or the guys who are attracted to you are the type who see any sign of interest as clingy.

[cheeky&sexy]

Yeah, girls do expect guys to ask them out more than the other way around. Don't you think that guys, who see girls asking a guy out as desperate, are arrogant though? I'd be happy if could filter such people out just by taking the initiative in the relationship.

If you've noticed such a pattern, maybe you are attracted to the type of guys or the guys who are attracted to you are the type who see any sign of interest as clingy.

Yeah, wow after reading that i realise how right you are. Because the guys im attracted to always turn out to be arrogant commitment phobics. Now i just need to steer clear of this type of guy, which is hard because i always seem to be attracted to this same type of guy.

Back to the original poster..

well then here's the situation...he asked me if our plan to go out on a weekend nite was still on...and i just said that i wasnt going...he wasnt comfortable saying that he didnt kew my frndz well so he mite not go as well....anyways he did come bt after messging and calling me a few times asking me to come as well....anyways the nite went well...all of us njoying the nite....however my frndz wanted to leave and i wanted to stay back....i asked him to help me out and he convinced my frnz to stay a lil longer...he said he wud stay back with me as he wanted to stay back as well.....however my roomie fell sick and i decided to return home..i am seriously not confused...i mean he rarely makes a move...and everytime i think he likes me...i try to take a step bt he gives a laid back approach....its very frustrating...

I dont think you need to worry about this. He seems interested, he might be laid back because maybe he isnt sure if you're interested. Sounds like you're both giving each other mixed signals.. which makes it interesting though.

[help_me]

ok so here we go...i tuk the initiation and asked him wat were his plans for the evening....he just replied "<location> @ <time>".. nw i dnt know weather he was stating or asking me ??? so i didnt replied back and nor did i go the place....time passed and he didnt even give me a call asking if i was joining or anything of such kind....does it looks like and i trying hard to make it move forward.....???

[Popsicle]

This is just from my experiences, but when a girl has asked me out... i just never put the effort into it. I end up letting them do all the chasing because i know they are into me and i wasn't that bothered about them (enough to hit it, but thats all).

Get some flirting going on! Get him noticing you, get some banter going and see where that leads.

THIS.

When a woman chases a man, she puts herself at a higher risk of being used just for sex because he hasn't made the decision on his own that he likes her a lot (as opposed to just a little bit, just enough for sex), nor has he had to invest anything.