Can someone be too trusting?

[Cerby]

This question just sorta popped up in my mind, so I wonder if there are any major discussion points to be had, examples people can think of, etc.

Here is my example:
The girl I'm dating trusts me without question, we've been going out for 3 months, we're not commited but probably getting close, haven't told each other we love each other, but we have made some major steps, met each others extended families for the first time this past weekend, which is an indicator that a serious relationship is on the horizon.

We see each other only twice a week due to work schedule conflicts, and both times are Sat/Sun because we have mutual days off. During the week I have my entire evenings free to do whatever I please, I hang out with friends, go out and do whatever, and even hang out with my female friends. She not only doesn't have any issue with it, she always asks if I had fun, what I did, etc. She doesn't require I tell her who I hung out with, and never presses me for details at all. That said, she also hangs out with her guys friends, and doesn't always tell me about it, and I don't press for details either.

She has been cheated on in the past, but for some reason, trusts me no matter what I do, where I go, or who I see. This almost seems like she is too trusting.


Anyone have anything similar? Past experiences? Thoughts?

(Oh, and I'm not cheating on her, nor would I)

[devonbrown]

It sounds like a very trusting gf you have there. I would hold onto her.

I have a friend who had a relationship like this, and it is much more fun than a relationship where the other person doesn't trust you. However, he told me several times that she also never got jealous. That got on his nerves a little. Not because he wanted someone super jealous, but because sometimes jealousy shows care for someone, that they want you. A total lack of jealousy can quickly move to a sense of non-caring.

Good luck.

[Cerby]

Devon, this is exactly what I kind of think. She doesn't have any jealously as at all, sometimes makes me wonder if she is THAT trusting, or just doesn't care that much about the relationship. Its an interesting situation, I've always dealth with people who were possessive or lacked trust (other than one ex who was also pretty cool about the trust thing), in this case she seems to trust blindy (which is a good thing, don't get me wrong). Especially for someone who has been cheated on, its almost odd.

[sookie6]

I am very trusting even though I've been betrayed in the past...I would hte to think the person I love is being deprived from part of their freedom to please me.

However, in return I have zero tolerance in terms of cheating. I loved my ex partner to bits, I adored him but when it was clear he has strayed I broke up with no second thoughts...I nerve looked back and tried to find him excuses..and I missed him tremendously...

But I could not bear with being with someone who lied to me...once a cheater always a cheater...funnily enough he was one of these people who had trust issues and would become insecure when I was out with friends or attending parties...

If you girlfriends trusts you it might also mean that she can be trusted which in these days and age makes her a keeper...

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

I could not bear with being with someone who lied to me...once a cheater always a cheater...

A cheater always a cheater?

so a man who failed always a failure?

what about the people who learn from their past mistakes?

Here is my example:
The girl I'm dating trusts me without question, we've been going out for 3 months, we're not commited but probably getting close, haven't told each other we love each other, but we have made some major steps, met each others extended families for the first time this past weekend, which is an indicator that a serious relationship is on the horizon.

She has been cheated on in the past, but for some reason, trusts me no matter what I do, where I go, or who I see. This almost seems like she is too trusting.


Anyone have anything similar? Past experiences? Thoughts?

(Oh, and I'm not cheating on her, nor would I)

To answer OP Questions. U Got A diamond there, hold on to that treasure!

[sookie6]

A cheater always a cheater?

so a man who failed always a failure?

what about the people who learn from their past mistakes?




To answer OP Questions. U Got A diamond there, hold on to that treasure!

I understand your point though but I could not live with someone who failed our relationship once...second chances do not exist in my book unless children are involved...but even then nothing would ever be the same again.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

well a person who is trully looking for a meaningful relationship will not go back to an ex- cheater.

but for a cheater who had an epiphany that he/she lost a potential compatible partner and regreting that he/she cheated=a learned person an ignorant now enlightened.

but a cheater who keeps on cheating is a player that puts him/herself in a fray of fire (as in unwanted drama, unwanted pregnancy, or STD HIV/Aids) Even with a condom, still puts him/herself in a fray of fire.

[Cerby]

So if I mis-interpret her trust for lack of care/concern, is that considered over-reacting? Even though she calls every night to say goodnight, the calls are usually 30-45 seconds long, and never asks where I went or what I did with my day. Usually just a "hey, how are you?" and a "talk to you tomorrow".

I didn't think I'd ever have to ask a question about being too trusting, but I do feel a little bit like Devon said above, like her lack of jealousy is almost like a sense of non-caring. Its tough because I have to go 5 days every week without seeing her (I work at 7 am, and she gets off at 10pm).

I guess really I'm just looking for some re-assurance. I've learned that if something seems too good to be true, it usually is.

[sookie6]

I think your issue here is not really to do with jealousy...but more a growing feeling of drifting apart with your partner...worse she does not seem concerned with your life or your feelings...

I've been in a relationship a long time a go with someone who was very much like this, at times he even came accross as thoughtless...he would not talk much on the phone, would not try to really get to know me...I felt very much alone in the relationship...

This was one of my major learning experience in relationships: sometimes you go out with someone who looks good, is polite and well mannered, does well in life but unfortunately the relationship is not fulfilling...

But before you jump to conclusion, every situation is different so you should really confront her about it...and if she does not see what you're talking about you might want to regain your freedom...life will bring someone more of a match to you.

[Corgan]

This is good. You should be happy she trust you so much. Never break this trust. Some people are trustable, and you know without a doubt you can trust them. Im assuming she feels this way about you. dont **** it up!

[Cerby]

sookie,

I think you probably hit it on the head, that makes more sense than what I originally was thinking.

Last night was pretty much how I felt about the not caring, I called her when she got off work (she usually calls me, but sometimes doesn't) just to say goodnight, and the conversation wasn't more than 8 seconds. I called, she said the dog needed to go out and to have a good night, I didn't really get to say anything other than "hi" and "goodnight". I didn't even get to ask her what I wanted to ask her before she hung up the phone.

So maybe I'm in a situation where she just isn't as into me as I am her. I guess a conversation over coffee might be in order when I see her on Saturday (if I see her on Saturday). But that said, maybe its not over-trusting, maybe 3 months in she just isn't taking things as seriously as I am.

That said, I sometimes have a tendency to over-analyze things if the thought builds over a period of time. This may very well be a non-issue that I'm letting build up in my head.

[sookie6]

It depends... what is she like when you meet face to face...how do you feel with her and does she act like she wants to know everything about you ?

3 months should still be a honey moon period...especially because you don't meet very often...I think you should open up to her see if she understand your feelings...if she has built a wall because she was hurt in the past she will have an epiphany moment and she exactly see what you're talking about and even apologise for it...if she appears clueless it's a bit worrying...

[devonbrown]

Cerby, overanalyzing things almost always leads to trouble. But the best thing for a healthy and good relationship is open and honest communication. I definitely recommend talking to her, but make sure it is relaxed and non-accusatory. She may very well have no idea you feel the way you do and you don't want her on the defensive.

Good luck.

[Cerby]

Together things are good, we talk about anything and everything when we're together, we spend some time sitting together on the couch and chatting, we go out and have fun or on simple dates, but she has a puppy which also chomps most of her free time and makes going out tough, so we only see each other for a few hours on each day of the weekend, usually we'll dedicate one day more than the other (ie, a couple hours sat, then most of the day Sunday). One thing to note is that its a very slow moving relationship, we aren't sleeping together yet as she wants to take the time to get to know me before we make that step. But yes, when we're together we do talk about each others lives, plans for going away and summer and all that.

Our honeymoon period was cut short by her purchase of a puppy, 2 weeks into our relationship she got it and it became the focus of her attention. I understand that part, puppies are a lot of work, but it was an early pylon in our relationship development.

But that said, the time together is usually pretty fulfilling, its the days in between she just doesn't seem to care at all, phone conversations are very short, she doesn't ask me about how I'm filling my time when she is at work, and even if I offer to come up and visit for an hour after work the rare night I'm not dead tired, she usually has a reason for me not to.

But like I said, I might be over-reacting, I tend to do it during the week when my mind starts to wander a bit.

[sookie6]

Do you live so far apart that you can't make a couple hours together mid week?

OMG this puppy is already making me cringe...such a bad idea ...it probably works as a love substitute in her life...she can give it the attention she would give you, the pet gives her affection...it's really sad...

I don't know what to say now...maybe kill the puppy or take it somewhere very far so that it won't fins its way back...

Also you dont say how old you are...maybe she needs to grow up a bit before maintaining a relationship...she has been cheated on in the past, which does prove that to each stoy there are two sides...if she was behaving like this already the guy might have felt left out...

Anyway as all seems good when you're together I would give it time and be patient...but don't make serious commital decisions just yet...like meeting the parents...put it in your mind that you are dating ie checking each other compatibility and seeing if you can fullfill each other life...